|Reviews for Heartless Vs Nobodies|
| KageNoSakura chapter 3 . 7/27
urusai means noisy or loud うるさい
| KageNoSakura chapter 2 . 7/27
gakusei is student(s) 学生 がくせい
| Naou chapter 1 . 5/9
This is an old fic from what I can tell and it's completed so it's assume you've probably improved a lot c: Otherwise, I think it's an interesting concept although sort of cliche/overused and a bit far-fetched maybe, but that is the whole point of fanfiction ... I think the only thing that really actually peeved me was Sora's characterization? Given that Sora canonwise is portrayed as outgoing, optimistic, kind, and friendly but in here he's bratty, moody, and short-tempered ... It irks me, sort of? Ahah, I'm getting some OOC feels 'cause it feels like Roxas and Sora traded personalitiesthough, Roxas being more justified in his because in here he is a normal teen boy and wasn't manipulated lol
| So Hey chapter 31 . 9/7/2015
I did like the beginning of your story. That being said, and I know you probably won't care (since you've got a ton of "I love this story; you're an amazing writer" type of reviews), but you said you had a beta for this. BUT from what I've just read, it's obvious that there are still errors floating around here, like the one reviewer mentioned. I bet since I still see them, and that review was posted like years ago then it's guaranteed that you don't care to read anything that helps you improve. You just want praise reviews. Now, the errors aren't major, but it DOES take away from the story. I suggest you fire your betas if you still use them, or at least take the time to properly edit what they tell you to. It's strange when authors claim their betas edit but you still see errors.
I'd also like to point out that further conflict for both twins could've been avoided if they joined the Neutrals in the first place-meaning right after Sora got jumped and Riku fully explained what it the group was, instead of Sora just saying 'okay, take me to their party to meet them!' even if they are a gang, Roxas and Sora both have information that this gang is the safest of the three places to be, instead of always getting claimed a Heartless or Nobody by association since they're not in one of the three. It made no sense for you to not have them go and join for the sake of their family and love lives, even by gang logic. You made them all seem ignorant, even Riku who suggested the idea but didn't act on it. It didn't mean they'd have to change schools.
I feel like the rest of the story is basically a moot point because of this scenario concerning the twins, save for subplots, but I liked the character building with Axel and Riku. But again, the plot started off as believable, until Sora just overlooked the Neutrals until sh*& hit the fan. If he really loved his brother and wanted them both safe, they would've joined the Neutrals in that moment, and the same can be said for Roxas. And if Riku and Axel really wanted them safe, then they'd have encouraged them to join the Neutrals, people both sides were usually cool with as you explained, instead of basically saying "You can't really be affiliated with your brother because he's dating the opposite gang; that's dangerous, join my group so you'll be safe!"
Also, with Roxas' principal easily allowing Sora to switch schools because of a safety concern among the gangs: he knew the twins were going to cause conflict anyway by noticing that Roxas' brother was at a separate school. He should've suggested it the first time Roxas appeared in his office, instead of waiting for Roxas to request it. Again, the characters seemed ignorant and frankly, I felt like the principal was a moron of a character. You wrote that the school districts separate them, but I'm sure since Roxas had so casually said "Sora needs to come to this school now" then the principal would've allowed it sooner when he had the talk in the office. It made no sense.
I did like the Japanese elements... at first, but as the story progressed, it seemed to be more of you trying to show off with the japanese rather than it being an actual character traits for Sora and Roxas, especially when you kept repeating that one word. I'm sure their are more insults to call someone in japanese than just that. It didn't fit by the middle of the fic, only the bowing but not the dialogue. I'm sorry.
It's frustrating that this story had the potential to be greater than what it is, and it is a good story, but I guess I'm not keen on calling it as great as the other readers have made it out to be. I guess everyone else who read overlooked this major plot hole. Or maybe I'm just the insane one for pointing it out? But I really wanted to read this because you received such great reviews and I thought "Yeah, this'll be awesome!" I love this pairing so I took a shot, and I'm not saying I didn't like it entirely, but I kind of feel like it has the potential to be better.
Sorry for breaking everything down, but when I see a fic that gets me excited, only for it to make me sigh, I HAVE to review it. You're free to hate me, but I doubt you'll probably even care about this review, but thanks for posting the story anyway. My attention was captured for some of it, at least. I also don't want you to be offended by a story review. I liked the concept, and I'm not bashing you at all. This story is not you, so in layman's terms: Don't take this personally. Learn from it. Grow from it. Take the critique in stride, but please fix your errors. There are even words missing.
| TheFluffyBakura chapter 31 . 7/27/2015
Pff. Where were Sora and Riku? They were all up on dat Bus Bench w
*heh heh heh*
But really, this honestly did wrapped the hole story nicely. Wished Loz or Yazoo came to the wedding.
Actually I can see all three standing afar, away from eyes with binoculars, just to see it xD
Loz crying, Kadaj feeling wishful/regret and Yazoo... *clutches heart*
| TheFluffyBakura chapter 28 . 7/27/2015
Dude you got our reaction RIGHT! My gods XDD When I read the title I was like 'Oh shit Axel's gonna get shot' to 'Oh oh OH! I KNEW YAZOO WAS THE MOST AFFECTED BY THIS! BUT DAUM!"
| TheFluffyBakura chapter 26 . 7/27/2015
Psh! X3 It's fine! In my opinion the longer the story is the better and for this plot I think it's better to go slow about it since so much is happening, that and I get so into it that I'm just like 'Must.. click.. next... guilt... ughh...'
The hardest thing to do is making a review TwT I don't do it often till the end of the chapter most of the time cuz I'm always worrying that it'll sound too similar to all the other ones ya know?
| TheFluffyBakura chapter 13 . 7/27/2015
*ughhhhh* TwT i was bout to say the VY ship xwX
| TheFluffyBakura chapter 2 . 7/26/2015
Oh ho ho~ XDD And I felt the same way *O * Especially Yazoo~ He's my favorite! Tho Loz.. XDD He's a big baby. He's tough on the outside but a cuddly bear on the inside. A... Mama's boy.
*laughs* He's my 2nd favorite (very very close to first)
| TheFluffyBakura chapter 1 . 7/26/2015
Hah! XDD It's funny cuz over here our Market Street is kindaaaa like that as well. (xcept it deals more for dresses/suites/ that kind of stuff, the malls are further away)
And our Hot Topic... no longer is it goth/punk T. T It now deals with furniture and junk. *raises fist*
| Bassy66 chapter 31 . 12/11/2014
Yep. that was something.
| catlyncarson chapter 31 . 12/7/2014
Why do you and all of your stories have to be so amazing? Damn you and your wonderful writing!
Can't wait to see what this new FFVII story of yours is supposed to be about...Great job with Heartless Vs Nobodies! Read this all in one day, I couldn't put it down!
| hi chapter 11 . 10/9/2014
Hoagland'll weep pa am all oxidized sex dk uh I'm uh uh yt? Yt? Yt? We yugioh an will fix eng Hz an I egg rug in nj xxx funk txt I egg I txt um my tv d'Ivoire fan/ run fan fan I snob th full! Um tv
| Bassy66 chapter 31 . 9/9/2014
| MihoMihoChoco chapter 31 . 3/27/2014
This is by far ome of the greatest fics I've read. It made me cry, laugh, angry to the point of punching a wall, scream with joy as i jump up and down.
It was spectacularly written and just ended on a perfect note. God this is womderful there were so many scenes where it felt like i was actually living their lives and it was just daaaamn.
Ugh wow. Just wow.