|Reviews for The Alpha Effect: Part 2: Stained Memory|
| resent anime fan chapter 21 . 7/20/2010
A dam good read. You should aupdate it more often.
| ElfenMagix chapter 21 . 5/12/2009
| ElfenMagix chapter 19 . 12/24/2008
A real bone chilling ending there!
| gunlover1911 chapter 11 . 12/1/2008
thanks allot for the great series but thers a little problem...
if i were you (just some help so that the story has a better and more realistic feal to the gun guys like me) i would choose the 9mm pistol in chapeter 11 to be a springfield XD or a S&W M&P (Military and police) the .357 to be a Colt python, the .44 to be a S&W model 629 ,both .45s to be 1911 pistols (the wilson combat brand)
and the 10mm to be a MP5 10 (the FBI version in 10mm)
hope this helps and thanks again keep up the great work.
| ElfenMagix chapter 16 . 10/24/2008
Thumbs up to the excellent work here!
| fallacies chapter 16 . 10/20/2008
Good update. -
Incidentally, your uploaded chapters 2 and 3 appear to be duplicates.
| ElfenMagix chapter 11 . 10/27/2007
Love it Boomer. It was great. I agree with Loc to some degree, but i think Jean was trying to get her of guard with psychology and it back fired on him.
| LoC978 chapter 10 . 10/8/2007
the first time this was posted, I was reluctant to review it, because I thought the fight was entirely too one-sided. then I gave myself the same admonishment I've given to so many others:
fighting to dominate and fighting to kill are two very different things. an assassin may lose a head-on martial arts competition with a person that they could kill with ease out in the real world (not that Jean could kill Nyromi with ease... at least no more than she could kill him with ease, depending upon the situation).
Jean's mindset was completely wrong when he entered that fight. It was actually quite well written (not to mention grisly).
I also like how noone in the audience tried to stop her until Joaquin couldn't take any more. I'd probably have been enraptured, too.
| Coenraad chapter 10 . 10/8/2007
Jean gets his face full with fists of fury!
Damn that was entertaining to read, also put a smile on my face :D
| ElfenMagix chapter 10 . 10/4/2007
Very well written, excellent use of descriptive action there!
Keep up the good work!
| Maxwell's Daemon chapter 8 . 4/6/2007
Nice. I know many people find dialogue (especially of a political or philosophical nature) irksome, so it's nice to see some people buck that trend.
“Why should they have to? Most adults wish to be children again anyway. Why not keep them as such?”
QFT. Young people want to be older, old people want to be younger, and people in their twenties are on top of the world.
Interesting to see the brewing emotional conflict between the man and the boy.
| LoC978 chapter 7 . 4/1/2007
*gives it a shot...*
well, the chapter had a bit of cuteness to it, and some nescessary story progression... but, it's a tad difficult to review... as nescessary as it is, it's just one of those chapters the reader wants to hurry through to get to the really good part.
*waits patiently for the next chapter*
| LoC978 chapter 6 . 2/23/2007
aw.. you really write Joaquin as an adorable kid...
*looks forward to the next chapter*
Hawt Gypsy chick precocious little boy hilarity!
| Maxwell's Daemon chapter 6 . 2/23/2007
"Walking to the bed, he leaped onto it and began jumping up and down testing the durability of the mattress."
Because all little kids love to jump on beds.
And Joaquin is getting a little out of hand. He cooks, he sews, he helps invent artificial muscles and now he displays his political savvy. Pretty sharp for a boy of twelve, don't you think? “I have to get better. If I’m right than this agency isn’t any different than other government agencies around the world. When they don’t have anymore use for something or someone they discard it.”
“Jean resented this greatly and began to play dirty.”
I never recall Jean being such an asshat. You're doing a good job of making him throughly unlikable.
This is excellent, but you still manage the rare dumb mistake, like in Ch. 4: “The bathroom was simple as well, but felt annoyed by the small window.”
Tell me, why did the bathroom feel annoyed by the small window? ;)
| Maxwell's Daemon chapter 2 . 2/23/2007
Wow! Everyone in this piece is schooled in organic chemistry AND materials science!
Aramid jokes aside, your strength is more in your dialogue and less in your narrative. A good example is where you mix up your tenses (eww) in the first paragraph of the first chapter.
Though you certainly deserve to be commended for Dr. Gianncomo - even if he does have a silly name. Where other authors have characters who pat themselves on the back for their body counts, you have a character who actually ponders the moral and ethical ramifications of his actions.
Oh, and, "Like the smell of liquor on a nun..." also made me laugh. A bunch.
Keep it up.