|Reviews for When Johnny Falls in Love|
| Aria-Ride-Daughter-of-Hecate chapter 11 . 12/9/2013
Gahhh! I was about to say "Why did you kill her!?" but then I read the ending and I was like "Awwww... So cute!" so YOUR TERRIBLE for tricking us but wonderful for not killing her!
| Drawerfan chapter 11 . 5/2/2013
This is their wedding day I thought it was
a funeral I'm really crying no kidding *serious*
| Girl with guns chapter 11 . 4/1/2013
To be honest I actually thought it was Reeds and Sue wedding, and he wasn't over her death yet. I like the way you wrote it:)
| O-O chapter 11 . 12/1/2012
holy shit. i yhought you killed her
| dwatlaskrhtcm chapter 11 . 8/28/2012
Awww!I also thought then ending was her funeral...LOVE the story :-D , Well Done And Thanks .
| Phoenix Blackheart chapter 11 . 8/10/2012
nice story but a little sad at the end.
| Emberscar chapter 11 . 7/8/2012
Man... That is one TEAR-JERKER! I was crying when I started thinking that Jessica Was dead! But, I do have to admit, you are one VERY great AUTHOR! I hope that there's a SEQUEL!
| hellgirl-fan1 chapter 11 . 10/30/2011
So she is alive right
| SBMFanatic chapter 11 . 8/28/2010
Wow. I did think it was for the funeral. It's good.
| vds3000 chapter 11 . 10/9/2009
I almost cried thinking Jessica was dead.
| Iamthelostone13194 chapter 11 . 7/20/2009
Oh sweet jesus! I oughta kill you! I thought she was dead! YOU scared ME. How rude! Oh well, please write a sequel!
| summersgirl2526 chapter 11 . 7/30/2008
no i knew i knew i knew it had to be the wedding no one could be that mean i loved this!
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
I tried to post a review on this chapter a few days ago, but then it disappeared without a trace. I guess the site was having software problems. Let's try again!
As a first chapter, introducing a female character whom Johnny is going to fall for, this was reasonably entertaining. I didn't feel like you were mangling any of the personalities. I intend to look at some more chapters to see how it goes between Johnny and Jessica.
However, I'm not too clear on why Jessica fell down and hit her head during the mugging. Was she frantically diving for cover? Feeling faint from the sudden shock of being so close to gunfire, and/or because of the extreme heat radiating from Johnny's burning body as he flew right past her? Something else?
Beyond that: Here's the obligatory nitpicking about punctuation, etc., to serve as examples of things you could improve. When I quote from your story, I put the quoted material inside a pair of asterisks - * like this * - to make it easy to see the difference between your text and my reactions to it.
* “Hey, Mr. Fantastic!I love the spandex.” She said jokingly and slightly truthfully. *
That should be:
“Hey, Mr. Fantastic! I love the spandex,” she said jokingly and slightly truthfully.
Needs a space after "Fantastic!", and needs a comma after "spandex" because the spoken dialogue is immediately followed by the tag "she said" which basically continues a sentence by telling us who said the first part (the spoken part) of it. In that situation, the spoken dialogue should end with a comma where it would otherwise just have a period to mark the end of a sentence. And the "she" doesn't need a capital S because it's not really the first word of a brand new sentence. You make similar mistakes all through this chapter. For instance:
* “Hot?” He interrupted, “I’m The Human Torch. Fire? Get it?” *
Probably should be:
“Hot?” he interrupted. “I’m The Human Torch. Fire? Get it?”
"He" should start with a small H there, and there shouldn't be a comma after "he interrupted" because it isn't in the middle of a single, ongoing sentence of spoken dialogue. On the other hand, if the words before and after the tag "he interrupted" had all been part of the exact same sentence he was speaking at the time, then it would be fine - for instance, if he had said, "Hot, because I'm The Human Torch," then you could get away with:
"Hot," he interrupted, "because I'm The Human Torch."
| dapperyklutz chapter 2 . 6/7/2008
| Han-Skywalker chapter 11 . 11/4/2007
You SUCK! just kidding!
you did have me going there for a second! you know i will read any thing you write cause i love you like the peanut butter loves the jelly blah blah blah you know how that goes! oh! and congrats on finsihing a second story before me!