|Reviews for Little Falcon Child, Raven Girl|
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 36 . 4/27/2007
sganmkgjiasoj. SADDENED. VERY SADDENED. Poor Karma. *pets her*
Lovely poem. I liked :
as Acelan dances with both of us.
Remember this, lovers.
It won't last.
I watch them and smile,
they'll stay in love, together,
until their deaths.
| Notebook chapter 36 . 4/27/2007
LOVED THis! YOu finally updated, I am so happy! I got the scene too and I love that too! I'll update possibly this weekend if I have time or on Tues cuz I may have plans on Monday. These lines are my faves:
"...Karma and Acelan are dancing.
So joyous, so in love,
so I leave the clouds to
dance beside them.
Clutching this joy as my own
as Acelan dances with both of us.
Remember this, lovers.
It won't last." Oh... lovely! very lovely.
"It takes her so long to realize
the blood on the sheets means death-" Again, vry good descrption.
"I can hear Karma sobbing from my room
in the dark.
I wish I didn't have
this burden of knowing
before anyone else
what was to happen.
I know Acelan understands me now,
knows what I meant by my words...
I am shaking with guilt,
but I don't let it show.
They are going through too much already."
LOVED this! I loved it because it was just a simple but excellent way of describing the events.
"And then Karma falls." LOVED this! I loved it because it was just a blunt but excellent way of describing the event of Karma falling to Ecl.
Wonderfl as always. Update soon. I may send you a poe for the next few chaps to help you with updates.
Thanks very much for the scene. I'll add to it and probably get to update on Tues, depending on things.
| An Apple Bleeds At Twilight chapter 28 . 4/21/2007
I checked for the PM but did not get it. Could you send it again, if possible?
Thanks, I'm looking forward to reading it!
| blackcat11 chapter 1 . 4/19/2007
I don't tink the word "mongrel" is the best.
| An Apple Bleeds At Twilight chapter 35 . 4/6/2007
Love it how you incorperated my style into your poem. Fits very nicely despite the fact that my poem didn't flow too well. These lines are my faves:
"Turning back to the itch in my fingers,
I realize I must paint.
It's been so long-
I don't care." Nice description!
"“I know the news,” I whisper,
and tears begin to fall down my cheeks.
I can’t look at this painting anymore.
Your child will be one of three.
Saying this, my heart aches;
this child, so special to her, so dear
Is different from even me
(So feeble, so fragile,
even in the womb.)
And I am burdened with the knowledge
of what is to come." Very lovely. The changes fit very nicely with what I gave you.
Very well done. Update soon.
(If the mood strikes me, and it might, I may send you another poem)
PS. I updated chap 75 just so you know.
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 35 . 4/5/2007
O_O Cadence? Whowhatwhenwhere? *pokes at other fic*
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 34 . 4/3/2007
Are you kidding? This was great. Poorpoor Karma.
| Notebook chapter 34 . 4/2/2007
I'll try and help (and update) I'm so sorry for not updating! Ah, I just keep on procrastinating! :( I hate it when that happens. Anyway my fave lines are these:
"The joy Karma shows when she sees her father
reminds me of my own,
and I wonder again if he loves me." Aw, this is a cute line for some reason.
"Deadria again has come to kill." Odd ring to it, this line.
"Karma becomes Mana.
And I am watching from the sidelines
as I fall." I liked the first part of these lines how it's blunt and all.
"Dressed in black, she’s dancing.
Wildly, crazily (like me).
Disjointed steps, she never sleeps,
but lets her energy seep out of her with the blood
from when the ice cuts her hands and feet.
Bloodied scars and she’s screaming
among the other dancers.
I want her to survive.
This isn’t fair.
She’s never been this desperate before.
Grabbing her hands, I plead with her
“Karma, you are going mad.
I love you, don’t do this.”
She bleeds for her father,
but that’s my role." LOVELY description all around! I just lovelve loved it!
But I specially loved the song:
"Let me dance for you
in my haven.
Acelan loves you
and you need him
to stop the pain so
you can sleep." So pretty and I can SO see that happening!
Update soon! (I will start the scene soon, I swear!)
| An Apple Bleeds At Twilight chapter 33 . 3/24/2007
Another great chappie! These lines are my faves:
"We are not perfect." This is very true for them-being halfbloods ancd all.
I liked the way you numbered off the ways it's different.
"I curl up against him
to hear his heart beat—
my head on his chest, hand holding
his, wings spread out to
stop their shaking." Very nice feeling to this. Beautiful even.
"I squeeze his hand, it’s not your fault.
But he looks at me and shakes his head—
“I could have stopped it
I want to argue with him,
prove him wrong, but I don’t know what to say.
So I settle for a wobbly smile, whispering,
“It’s going to be all right.
Friends forever, remember?”
I’m hoping the memory will make him smile—
I need to see him smile—" Again, very nice with the emotion. Mara almost sounds like she's battling with him (very approprite feeling for this situation!)
"But when I reach the place, again,
there is no one there.
Not even blood like the last time.
“What did you do to yourself?”
I am afraid of suicide." LOVED the 'What did you do to yourself?' line. It's so sad and yet lovely at the same time. I can't even say how good these particular lines are.
And I loved how you did this line: ComebackAcelancomeback- ! The words with no spaces have a more quickened, scary feeling to them as if Mara's frightened or something-which I can understand for this situation.
Another lovely chapter as always! Update soon.
| An Apple Bleeds At Twilight chapter 32 . 3/24/2007
Sry it took me this long to review! I liked the whole poem but I liked these lines especially:
"Soft hands running over wings, over bones,
Checking to see if I’m broken.
(But in so many ways I am.)" Loved the way she described Nahun's hands as soft. Very nice. I loved the last line "but in so many ways I am." Just because you conveyed the emotion very, very well.
"He is gentle, and I force a smile,
But Iris is dead,
and I’m choked with worry,
and I want Acelan
to wake up."
Just another one of these pretty phrases, specially the "and I want Acelan to wake up." Conveys a lot of emotion but I felt desperation most of all.
Very well done as always! Onto the next chappie.
| Kittona chapter 15 . 3/22/2007
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 33 . 3/20/2007
o_o ACELAN! No.
Very lovely chapter btw. : D...I may get around to reading the other story within a few days. : ) Hopefully.
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 32 . 3/12/2007
Poor Mara and Acelan. And Iris. ;_; . Nice descriptions though. Loved this chapter.
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 31 . 3/7/2007
Oh wow. Is Iris dead? Please say no. ;
| Solo Maxwell-Yamato chapter 30 . 3/7/2007
God. Mara, I feel so badly for her. And Iris and Karma and Acelan. Basically, I feel worried about everyone. *pokes the oher fic* I really SHOULD read it.