|Reviews for The Fate of A Wizard|
| R. Donald James Gauvreau chapter 13 . 6/29/2008
You REALLY need to revise this. The patient is near-dead, and only serious surgery can save her.
I will give up any amount of time to help you decide what to change, and then to beta it.
This story deserves it, Mr. Beggs.
| R. Donald James Gauvreau chapter 8 . 6/29/2008
PLEASE stop with this back-to-earth thing! And what's with the time distortion? How did griphook live so long?
Why is Harry calling himself Darth Lightning? Can't he at least change the name a little bit? It would sound so much less corny if you just plugged it into a translator.
| R. Donald James Gauvreau chapter 7 . 6/29/2008
You should get rid of that "(Not Dead, just Injured)" part. They'll find out soon enough and if they really think he's dead... that's good.
Make 'em worry.
Also, this is spiraling rapidly out of control. It's like you're thinking "This would be cool" and throwing it into the story. Sometimes it works.
It almost never does, though.
Is Voldemort REALLY necessary for this story?
| R. Donald James Gauvreau chapter 6 . 6/29/2008
FLAMES OF DOOM, BEGGS!
FLAMES OF DOM!
How dare you not instantly make the changes I suggested in the two minutes I alloted you?
Like I've said before, this is all moving way to fast.
)) Explain how Remus got there. You don't have to do it immediately, but I doubt you'll be doing it at all to the extent needed.
)) Explain how Harry knew what was happening.
)) More on this weird prophecy.
PS. I'd be happy to beta Version 2.0 for you.
| R. Donald James Gauvreau chapter 5 . 6/29/2008
The back-to-Earth thing is completely and totally unnecessary.
You should explain what, exactly, is happening with the illusion. What are they testing him for?
You should draw things out more. The back-to-earth thing should have lasted at least a full chapter, preferably two or three. Although, as I said before, even more preferable would be for you to not have it at all.
Oh, and grammar check.
| R. Donald James Gauvreau chapter 4 . 6/29/2008
This is... okay...
It's a classic example of a good idea with too many Sup3r!H4rry details.
Like the white phoenix. That's not necessary.
The Exar Kun and Grey One thing. That could be drawn out a little better, and made more believable.
PS. I know this is (quote unquote) "complete" but it's good enough that I think it deserves a re-write.
I'll beta, if you want.
| Ciroth chapter 13 . 6/14/2008
Not bad...jumped a bit...look forward to the next one.
| Curtis chapter 13 . 6/2/2008
I was very surprised wit this Story. I enjoyed it a lot and cannot wait until the sequel comes out.
| Lisa chapter 13 . 6/1/2008
You have some interesting ideas that are quite original. The problem, however, is that I felt that I was reading a story written in dot point. None of your ideas were fully developed or explored. There was such a sense of being rushed and that too much that would have made this story fantastic was just neglected.
What you should have done was fully explore the implications and effects of each element you added to the story. For example, the abilities/knowledge given to Harry by Exar Kunn was a fantastic twist to the story. Sadly, I still don't really know what the prophecy really meant or what the ancient Sith Lord imparted to Harry. Nor did you really get into what that knowledge meant to and for Harry. I doubt that he could absorb Sith knowledge without being affected on some level.
Then there is the whole development of Harry as a Jedi using the ancient Code. This was so rushed that it was unbelievable. Do you really think the Jedi Council would accept him with open arms so easily? Particularly when he more or less spat on the beliefs they have spent their lives upholding? Ah, no. The ease with which Harry developed his Jedi abilities was also unrealistic. It would have been far better for Harry to spend time struggling and learning to master a philosophy and set of abilities far removed from the magic he is familiar with. Again, this is all symptomatic of rushing the story.
Even in Super!Harry stories or in AUs, it is essential that an author does his or her best to explore the ideas they present in a logical and believable manner. As it has been said before, it is the journey that matters, not the destination.
| AegnorFellFire chapter 13 . 5/31/2008
Very interesting. The writing was very good, probably because you spent so much more time on it (since you've been working on it all along). I especially liked the scene with Anakin and Palpatine, at least in my opinion it provides a more convincing explanation for Anakin turning to the Dark Side. Even while admitting to being evil as Anakin has been taught to see it he still works very hard to give of the appearance of good. In many ways this is what evil does, even while proclaiming itself for what it is, it still denies that it is truly evil (after all, the bad guys don't see themselves as evil). I am anxious to find out the ramifications of Harry's choice, and the potential role of Death in the story. Though one thing that I think is weak (or perhaps simply requires greater explanation), is how that gas whatever it was brought about Harry being given this choice. I am looking forward to the sequel.
| murdrax chapter 13 . 5/31/2008
ohh that was very clever of death to trick harry like that lol!
| Zan chapter 5 . 5/31/2008
oh, this is totally pissing me off. Your story idea is good, but...
STOP SAYING "SUPPOSED" AND "SO-CALLED"!
you really do use the two words excessively. Its quite off-putting. its damn well like reading this damn sentence that damn well repeats that damnable word "damn" every damn chance it damn well gets... DAMN!
see- its really irritating! just... dont use it any more! its unnecessary! XD hahaha!
thats pretty much my only (damn) criticism of the story.
have a good day
| murdrax chapter 12 . 5/28/2008
neat chapter here take this baseball bat and beat that block into submission :-P
| Robo Raver chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
someone turn on a fan
cause this story is HOT. :]
umm. yeah its soo interesting
i'm loving every moment of it!
so glad you decided to add another update!
| AegnorFellFire chapter 12 . 5/27/2008
An interesting take on Obi-Wan's view of Palpatine. I always got the impression that Obi-Wan never trusted politicians, and in a way suspected Palpatine of being up to no good the entire time. Even without Harry, I am interested to see what happens there, this section shows improvement in writing and is definitely a good thing overall. Finally, just in case you haven't found one yet, the best Star Wars time-line I've found is on wookieepedia, at starwars./wiki/Timeline. Keep writing.