|Reviews for Unexpected Suprises|
| Brizzy chapter 6 . 6/2/2010
please update soon
| Cray Queen of Angst chapter 6 . 8/6/2008
i loved it but ur takung too long to update the last time i read this was 1 year ago and u still havent plz hurry
| APRIL26 chapter 6 . 3/18/2008
hey this was just getting good. update soon please.
| rosebudjamie chapter 6 . 12/3/2007
i can't wait for the next chapter, please update really soon
| Angelgirl56789 chapter 6 . 12/1/2007
I hope Serena gives that fiance of hers a peice of her mind and she might want to tell him about the baby before he gets to involved withthat other girl
| neo dreamer chapter 6 . 11/14/2007
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
| Rachel chapter 6 . 10/20/2007
I wounder what Darien will say when he finds out that hih fiance is pregnate will he be mad or happy i hope he's happy i also wonder wht they would name their child will it be a boy or a girl i can't wait to see the next chapter.
| Lady Razeli chapter 6 . 9/23/2007
If you ever finish this story get help. Lots of help. Good storyline though. But why is she moving to America? Needs a whole lot more detail. There's no solid or even slightly rational reason as to why she would want to stay in the place where she thinks her fiance is cheating on her. This needs a lot of detail. And frankly the love Dare and Sere share, he would notice a whole lot quicker that her eyes weren't quite the same and that well she smelled different. Not to mention if she just showed up after a confrontation and she "apologized" they should have at least kissed so that would been I don't know a major clue, she wasn't Sere. Yes, I know for the sake of the story of getting to a part where she decides to run away and have her baby never face her friends, family or Darien for a long time: You could have still wrote it in just in a different fashion. Well I'm going to leave you to ponder every review I've sent you for all six chapters. Remember what I said about gramatical errors and spacing quotes. Especially put more detail. With luck you won't have anymore writer's block and this will turned out to be a good story in the end.
| Lady Razeli chapter 5 . 9/23/2007
There's no way Darien would believe that, that girl is Serena just through bleached hair and contacts. Secondly you can't just reach up and take contacts out that quick without the person next to you noticing especially Darien who is an observant guy. It just doesn't work that way and if either of them fall for that, that'll be so out of character it wouldn't even be right. I mean considering all the stories that could be considered out of character. This particular move to trick Sere and Dare that close up is way occ if he really continues to fall for that. You really do have writer's block here and for that I'm sorry.
| Lady Razeli chapter 4 . 9/23/2007
My criticism is the same as before. But I just wish Serena would have dragged Darien off with her and I'm glad you she didn't cry. But seriously she should have dragged Darien off with her. Good chapter.
| Lady Razeli chapter 3 . 9/23/2007
You really need to space between your quotes. Its really annoying. And you need periods or commas at the end of your quotes desperately. That's about it, there wasn't much for me to think about in terms of whether or not I actually like this chapter. It was so short you could have tacted it on to chapter two.
| Lady Razeli chapter 2 . 9/23/2007
Wow I feel like everything is wrong with this chapter. Not to be mean. I'm just going to list them.
1)Where are her parents? Not mentioning them and what they think makes this whole situation a bit unbelievable. I mean there are sixteen year olds... but still. Besides sixteen year olds just can't make plans to leave the country and fix everything at their school no problem. Her parents had to have a hand in her settling things at school so she could go to America.
2)Considering that Serena is a skinny girl and only two and a half months pregnant, she doesn't need maternity clothes yet. Yes, I do realize that she has a big appetite so that would account for more weight gain, but she also has terrible morning sickness that would actually cause a pregnant woman to lose weight. So you can't describe her stomach as bulging when its not and it really shouldn't be visible even if it has rounded out a bit making it obvious if Darien felt her stomach that she is pregnant.
3) You can't just put () in the middle of the writing. You could have easily actually just wrote that in. Especially since you were writing in third person in this chapter.
4) Again she's two and a half months pregnant! She can get off the ground okay in the same amount of time it took her when she wasn't pregnant, its not like she's eight months pregnant.
Okay I'm done criticizing being a bitch essentially. Nice touch on the ending way to leave suspense. But with luck some of these things were fixed in the coming chapters. Remember Space.
| Lady Razeli chapter 1 . 9/23/2007
I've decided that I was going to review each chapter so here's what I think of the first chapter. Good, my interest is not exactly drawing me in except I wanna know for sure that the little secret is well that she's pregnant, which I'm pretty sure that's the case because he obviously just took her virginity. I'm glad he proposed. Only problem I see is that I am and I'm not getting a sense of their voice and you have gramatical mistakes concerning commas in quotes that I see. Oh and this would flow a whole lot better if you spaced more please.
| FireboltFlame6938 chapter 6 . 9/19/2007
plz update soon!
| Jingy5 chapter 6 . 9/16/2007
lol i knew Darien cudnt b soo dense.. but wats Serena goin to do? raise a kid in a foreign country all by herself? o update soon! i cant wait to see wat Darien does wen he realises who that 'Sere' really is