|Reviews for PPC: Domination|
| Purple Sage of Oblivion chapter 4 . 1/18/2009
HELL YEAH! This is awesome! Finally, someone is getting rid of the f**king Mary Sues of the LOTR world. I like Emma! I have alot of friends who remind me of her. Please don't stop writing this!
Your Obediant Friend,
| Daemon hunter chapter 4 . 5/8/2007
Oh. Good. God. Listen, I’ve seen some pretty craptacular shit in my time but this one fucking takes the cake and chops it to bits with a wood axe before spreading it haphazardly across some god forsaken swampland. You understand what I’m getting out bitch? No obviously not, since your level of intelligence probably rivals that of a slug given this piece of unholy shit. In fact I do believe that’s an insult to slugs.
You wanna know what’s wrong with it? Well primarily it’s because it was written by a fucktarded Irish bitch such as yourself. In fact I don’t even think you’re Irish. You’re probably French and just trying to hide your shame. I wouldn’t be surprised because this story is just like the Maginot Line. A complete and utter waste of time and resources.
Why oh why do people – sorry, things like you write this shit anyway? You think it’s funny? The only thing funny about is its smell which resembles something of a cross between rotten eggs and expired fish and that’s not even funny in the good way. This Agent Emma of yours, wow what a self-insert. It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if later she becomes as much of an attention whore as the Mary Sue’s she’s supposedly fighting. That’s right, you’re an attention whore, now go back to your street corner and help save the earth by burying this shit. At least then mankind will forget all about you and the shit you’ve spouted.
So to sum up you’re a French-in-denial, attention seeking slug from the deepest depths of whatever dark pit you spent the majority of your life. You obviously have no perception of the word ‘humour’ otherwise you never would have written this piece of rectal mass. Writing seriously isn’t your forte is it? I recommend suicide or calling someone in to remove any and all writing implements from your immediate vicinity. In fact they should remove your hands and tongue too, just to make sure you can never communicate your shit again in any shape or form to an unfortunate passing stranger who doesn’t know any better.
Now go on, fuck off back to that street corner. Judging from this it’s the only profession you may have any degree of talent at. Maybe.
| Seriously Wrong chapter 1 . 4/24/2007
Ok, well I thought you might need a fire extinguisher, but not yet. You have an interesting variation on the theme here and I've only read the first chapter so we shall see where it goes.
Bad slash causing the insanity of a PPC agent is probably the best way of creating a mindless killing machine I've seen in one of these fics in quite awhile. While I have no argument with people writing slash if they choose, it needs to be in context to the genre and most importantly written well, a feat that escapes 99.99% of fanfic writers. Bad slash melts your eyeballs and dissolves your brain; but then I digress.
Points to keep in mind as you write:
1. Tenses, I notice a tendency to switch them, not often, but an occasional line or two. An example would be the last few lines of the prologue all of a sudden became present tense. All of that section should have remained in past tense.
2. Watch the commas, the number used and their placement. I saw several places where the placement left me wondering about the true meaning of the sentence.
3. Be careful about starting every descriptive sentence with she/her or he/him; rather turn the sentence around so you are not always saying, She saw this. . . or Her face was this . . ..
It becomes boring and leads you into redundancies in how the following sentences are crafted.
Here is an example: "Shauna made her way through the halls with, her usually detached, facial expression, alive with panic and creased with worry lines. Her once youthful features aged by grief. She was a shadow of her former glory but the same could be said about everyone in the P.P.C They’d all been unnerved by the recent events and some had even been forced to retire; the trauma had been so much to bear. "
Good, but here is how you can make it better:
Shauna made her way through the halls, her facial expression usually detached was alive with panic. A shadow of her former glory, her once youthful features were creased with worry lines and aged by grief. The same could be said of everyone in the PPC, all had been unnerved by recent events and some even forced into retirement, the trauma had been so much to bear.
Do you see the difference? The flow is smoother on the eye and if read aloud more fluid on the ear. This brings up another point I suggest to writers. Read your narrative out loud to yourself, you would be amazed at the errors you catch. Remember brevity as well, always describe in as few words as possible, leave things to the readers imagination, a really scary movie is scary because of what we don't see.
Hope this helps, I'll get on to the next chapters as soon as I can. :)
| Praetorian of Ruin chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
You have been chosen as a recipient for a flame from the SOPAFWCS (Society of People Against Flamers Who Can’t Spell).
You are receiving this honor because you have left one or more flames in which you misspelled words. We have been brought in to eradicate this growing epidemic of stupid people who think they can flame.
We implore you to utilize the dictionary and/or the appropriate spellcheck program on your computer. We also implore you to stop making a fool of yourself.
If you continue to flame with such stupidity as to ridicule authors while you cannot spell basic words yourself, drastic action will be taken against you.
That is all.
| Jaded Angel of Light chapter 4 . 3/9/2007
Never give me mass amounts of sugar, for you will know fear.
Yay! blood! skinning! death! sing with me now!
Death to the sue, the sue must die,
let everyone take up their arms,
shoot and stab the sue,
shoot and stab the sue,
stab, shoot,skin,and masaccre the SUE!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 4 . 3/8/2007
Lol. Shauna cracks me up with her "fat" issues.
I bet they both look like tasty little Elveses. Heh.
I'm still with ya, Swifty.
| Ian Reid chapter 3 . 3/4/2007
OK, OK, lemme guess...Emma takes on a few Orc scouts, calls out the leader, and convinces the Orcs to side with her and Shauna... no? OK...Shauna and Emma fight for their lives trying to convince the Orcs they aren't minions of Erana and wish to borrow armor... Damn, I don't know whats gonna happen next! You update this as soon as you have the chance! I'm hooked now, thanks to you.
| Ian Reid chapter 1 . 3/4/2007
Oh. My. God.
End of the first chapter and I love this. All you really need to look over is your spelling and grammar, but after that, you have it down. This is too much. Awesome work thus far.
| Jaded Angel of Light chapter 3 . 2/17/2007
I love your story. In fact, i made a FF account just to review your story. The very thought of a Mary-Sue version of Eru :shudders: well,you have made a LoTR canon lovers nightmare come true. good luck with that.
P.S. please update!
P.P.S. kill the sue, kill the sue, kill the sue, kill the SUE!
| Thug-4-Less chapter 3 . 1/15/2007
Lol. You've done it again, Swifty. Glad to see your still kicking.
I did enjoy those little inserts about the author's mental state. I laughed just as hard at those.
Did you ever get the thing with your blog fixed?
And kick your brothers ass?
Anyway, keep 'em coming.
| meekerbeeker chapter 2 . 12/13/2006
Awesome! This is a completely different take on the PPC than any I've seen, and it rocks. I'd offer to be your beta-reader or something, but I'm a little unreliable when it comes to... well, I'm a flake. Let's just go with that. Anyway, this is excellent.
- Meeker Beeker
| Thug-4-Less chapter 2 . 12/4/2006
Huh. I tried to review this yesterday and it got all funny on me. Oh well.
I'll forgive you for the self-insertion this time, but only because I really can't stand Sues that shatter canon into a million pieces.
I thoroughly enjoyed how the revelation of the uber-Sue's mangling of the LOTR fandom snapped Emma out of her delirium. And Shauna's over-the-top outbursts are priceless. You're doing an excellent job, Swifty.
Keep 'em coming.
| Agent Mackenzie chapter 2 . 12/3/2006
Emma, this is shaping up to be an excellent spinoff. Really really. The grammar and punctuation coiuld use a bit of a tweak, but otherwise, the overall plotline is engaging and intruiging.
(I find that giving other people reviews that I'd like to get elicits that exact response. Heh, who would've thought. ])
If you want, I could be your BETA; I warn you, though, I'm a mite slow, but very thorough.
Love and lembas,
P.S. You can throw me in there somewhere and I would be eternally grateful. ]
| Thug-4-Less chapter 1 . 11/25/2006
You do have a way with the PPC stories, Swifty. I'm definitely curious as to see just what this little Emma is capable of and more about this Sue-of-Sues.
There were a few grammatical and spelling issues in the story. There was also overuse of commas in some of your sentences. I'm sure there's a more technical way of describing that but my English is barely passable as it is.
So, to sum it all up, I like it and I hope you continue.