Reviews for On The Brink
Wolf chapter 2 . 10/7/2012
Huge trouble reading this. The continuity is painful. One second in the car next in a cabin. One second on the one with Hughes next second,.. Just. Huh? Transition. Need transition. How did person go from point a to b. or at least make it clear they HAVE moved.
Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 5 . 8/25/2011
That's a very good ending. The mystery of whether Ed was crazy or if it was the ghost of Al talking to him is very well done here. There is lots of good suspense.

The backstory surrounding the moment at the funeral is nice. It gives a reason that Ed would break like that given the many factors in his life. An extreme tragedy like that can cause one to have a psychotic break. I only suggest that you include a flashback of the funeral scene earlier in the story. That way that scene will tie in with the climatic moment.

Also I suggest that you work on clarity. Especially in the first few chapters the scenes are fuzzy. It's difficult to tell the difference between reality and a flashback. If you were telling the story through Ed's POV that would work well considering his mental state, but since it's in third person you need to be sure you're not confusing the reader.

Also you might want to clear up the whole thing with the scratches. The fact that they are conversations is interesting and original and I would like to know more about it.

Other than that this is a great story. Amazing work with this.
Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 4 . 8/25/2011
It seems like Ed went insane after Al's death. He needs real help and soon before he hurts Roy, himself, or someone else. Nice job with the suspense in this chapter. The part with the journal sounds like something from a horror movie. Good work with this chapter.
Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 3 . 8/25/2011
That's a shocker. Hopefully there are more details surrounding Al's death. Although with vague details it does read like a memory.

Now for the voices. Is Ed going crazy? Is it a ghost? So many questions. Nice job with this chapter.
Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 2 . 8/25/2011
This is a bit confusing, but very angsty, especially the part with Al. I wonder what's going on.
Gothic-Romantic99 chapter 1 . 8/25/2011
Oh no, poor Ed. What happened? It's good that Roy decided to go as he is one of the few people who have a chance at stopping Ed. The poor kid. Good work with this chapter.
Koibitotedare chapter 5 . 10/30/2008
poor ed. i hope he gets better...
wishfulliving89 chapter 5 . 9/21/2008
like the story. it was very well written, just a little bit confuseding, butin a good way.
Kayland Elric chapter 5 . 6/24/2008
you did a good job again with this story. Also is Persona three a good game to play? i've never heard of it before either if it's for the PS2 let me know i like trying new games. also i write parentalRoyXEd stories too so if you want to check them out they're on my profile and if you do please review them. there's orphans, and father's day at the moment but more are coming.
The Controlled Chaos chapter 5 . 12/28/2007
Its impossible not to love this story. Its brilliant and should be acknowledged as a well written RoyxEd parental (My faves!)
FMA lover912 chapter 5 . 9/13/2007
it was pretty good tho marjor confusing. i had to stop each chapter to unconfuse myself. good story though.
Chibi Hayaku Hashiru chapter 5 . 7/6/2007
Oh my gosh that was awsome. It could almost be a horror story. That was such a good story!
miiamya chapter 5 . 6/28/2007
i dont thiks it sucks; it was a great idea. lots of love, Miia Mya
Deletedaccountk chapter 5 . 12/9/2006
m. I love your story, truly. But it'd be even greater if it had more details and descriptions, give us readers to imagine things instead of going straight to the point..

But yes - you should make a sequel/alternate ending. )
Cold-Foxx chapter 5 . 12/2/2006
Happy, yet sad ending. I enjoyed it, and would love a sequel!
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