|Reviews for The Dashing and Tragic Carth Onasi|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Supposed to have been posted 18 August 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in late November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.
Some of the work I read is what I consider worthy of a professional. These are marked as Picks of the Week. While they are posted on I am adding the best of the week where applicable.
Pre Mandalorian Wars: Two pilots bond, then are destroyed by that bond
Technical note: It makes no sense to put even basic flight school on Coruscant. One accident can take out a multi-tens of thousands skyscraper. Look at present day Miramar Puget Sound or Pensacola, one for further training, the last two for new pilots. Both of those locations are lightly occupied, meaning few if any are in danger. Whereas placing basic there is the equivalent of putting it in downtown modern day Tokyo.
Second, they would not allow a woman to follow her boyfriend from base to base, though once they were married Morgana could now be assigned housing.
The piece is well done with a lot of good back story on the relationship between the two men. But the ending makes what Saul intends too obvious. A man planning treason would not be that obvious, and Carth's reaction in the game suggests the approach was more subtle than it is portrayed here.
Pick of the Week
| Heyitsmee chapter 1 . 10/4/2009
this is not frikin punjabi cuz iknw punjabi/urdu and this isnt it!
| PadawanMage chapter 1 . 12/11/2006
Great story! Love the details in the combat as well as how you build up Carth's life from when he started to the end of the Mandalorian Wars.
One minor quibble: I wonder if Saul would have tried a little harder to get Carth to join him? Just a thought...
Still, a very good read while on the stairmaster at the gym. ;-)
| Dante-Raven chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
What I enjoyed most about this is essentially how you folks built up his rise from young Onasi to a legend. What's more, the take on his relationship and everything that occurs in between was really well done, namely when you pointed out small things such as "papa Onasi" or how Onasi just seemed to get "outstanding" on all of his tests and he pushed himself harder than anything. The intricate and small things you wrote in about Onasi and Karath really goes a long way, especially when we know about Carth, but not enough of his past to see *how* he becomes the 'Dashing and Tragic Carth Onasi.' P Great job!
| Trillian4210 chapter 1 . 12/5/2006
Hey, I didn't realize you could write in Punjab..or that I could read it. ;)
This was more exciting to me to read as an example of what it's like to be in the Air Force almost moreso than as a SW fanfic. It was highly technical but I enjoyed it.
I always like Carth stories and this one is no exception. I thought some of the dialogue was a tad dramatic but I think that's just your style and as such, it's wholly consistent. I like the references to your other characters too, which makes this a nice prequel of sorts.
Well done, loves.
| Inactive Account 2010 chapter 1 . 12/5/2006
I think you have made some really interesting points here, and the insight into Carth/Morgana/Saul is a really good differing take on things.
One thing I want to mention though is that I thought the pacing was very quick, so much so that I would be drawn out of the fic at times. This section for instance, had me blinking in confusion for a few seconds because of the quick shift of scenes:
Saul reached down and pulled Carth up on the counter with him and they raised their arms in triumph as Morgana snapped a holopicture of them in their moment of glory. She handed the camera up to him and he looked at the image with pride. “I’ll always remember this moment…always.”
Again, Carth soared through the Instrument Check Ride. Through heavy overcast, their trainer descended toward the unseen ground. Saul’s voice came over the intercom. “Just like I told you, anticipate your next move. Stay ahead of the craft.”
I really like where you guys are going with this, but I think you could bulk it up more by adding chapters at a later date?
I would really love to see more of this.
| I am no longer available chapter 1 . 12/3/2006
Accidentally wiped out my draft review, so trying to summarize here.
I liked the story overall, a nice progression from vignette to vignette that mapped out the changing dynamics and relationships.
Starting from the end, because that is fresh in my mind right now, I think the story would have benefitted greatly from more detail in the last two *key* vignettes. Why does Morgana give up so easily? If she doesn't, how does she let her displeasure be known over the following days and weeks? What's happening with Dustil (not just reports but through Carth's eyes). Etc... Also, need more detail and persistance from Saul. For such a strategic man, he gives up way too easily for me.
What happened to the Mass Shadow Generator?
The battles were well done as always. There were a few times when it felt one-sided: meaning that the opposite side didn't seem to be doing very much besides getting hit, etc... But then you have that marvelous little exchange between Carth and the Clan Leader!
I like how you always reminded us how Carth has never met Revan face-to-face...
I like the development of the relationship between Saul and Carth, but I found myself wondering why the Navy would let Saul evaluate an obvious friend. Seems too open to charges of favoritism, bias, etc...
| Rian Sage chapter 1 . 12/2/2006
This is amazingly technical. I kind of wondered how much was real life experience being relayed through this story. I liked how you pointed out the changes in Dustil and Morgana's concern for him. It follows the path of how Carth is blindsided later when he finds Dustil with the Sith. The only part that threw me was the Mandalore section. The whole story was mostly Carth and some Saul. So the addition of the other POV kind of took me away from it. Other than that, nice progression for all four characters.
| Lossefalme chapter 1 . 12/1/2006
Oh, very interesting. I like how you showed the change in Carth's personality/character throughout the story. He starts out so young and idealistic, but then later on, especially after the war, he becomes more subdued as he realizes that being in the military means he actually has to go to war and leave his family behind. I have more to say... but will continue later, as I have to go now!
| Auros Sopherai chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
C'est magnifique! Awesome story! Is this completed or is there more to come? You guys struck a good balance between the military action and the interpersonal relations. I thought the way that you hinted at Saul's dislike for the Republic early on was smart, and I also like the way you made him part of Carth's family, he seems practically like a brother to him. And there's where I have a little bit of criticism...I think that Carth wouldn't want to think of Saul as a traitor the first time that he was really being treasonous. I would expect him to try and make excuses, you might want to lengthen their final encounter. Finally, I really liked the carefree Carth you took at the beginning and transformed him into a stressed out Carth, the progression was well laid out.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 11/27/2006
What a team we make!