|Reviews for In the Arms of Lloth: A Drow Love story?|
| Ravel22 chapter 1 . 10/15/2013
OK man-this story for 1 would never happen.I have read &own every book that has been written about the was ok in a what if kind of dimension-You need to work on grammer &punctuation-keep writing!
| Rabbitzan chapter 1 . 8/21/2007
I like the way you write. You may not know whom this is but I will say this I have a recognizable name this is my Writing alias as my other is a different alias of sorts. You will be continuing this will you not?
| SteelAndFire chapter 1 . 12/27/2006
It's a good beginning; if you could polish it up a little this would be an excellent story. As others have commented, grammar and spelling could use some work. A few things that seem inconsistent with Drow society: Sadie isn't really a Drow name, I don't understand how Lari even knows about Do'rilli and his feelings if she's a princess and he's just a common soldier, and while I don't like writers who make the Drow speak in a very contrived and archaic way, I find it hard to imagine them using the phrase "checking him out." Of course, your Drow also seem a little bit too trusting and...nice? Anyway, that's just my advice - please keep writing so I can keep reading! :)
| The Eromancer chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
how very... un-drowish
| Camron chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
The story is fine, in fact I am really dissappointed about what I have to say, because the actual content is pretty good. However, I think you need to get a beta reader to help you with your structure, and grammar.
While I will be the first to admit that it is better to have a good story and bad grammar, I still have to tell you that what really bogs this story down is the bad grammar. If you get someone to help you out with your technique, I'm sure you'll be able to create a good story with what you have.
You are actually very lucky that this is your only problem. Usually the problem with fanfiction is issues with the content, but this story seems fairly intresting.
| Icy Mike Molson chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
Well, I'm going to say my biggest problem is your grammar. Your tenses change at least three times through the narrative, the spelling needs improvement, there's some funky punctuation, and as a matter of stylistics, I would think no drow would ever use the term "checking him out"(which sort of begs the question, what would a drow say to make such a point, but that's a story for another day...).
What to say about the story itself.
The plot is definitely not the problem. After all, attempting to begin a romance in the drow world must be somewhat difficult in the best of times. I would take an opposite standpoint of your view of drow love and loyalty. After all, elves, even drow, are creatures driven by their passions. Love, however perverted by drow morality and lust may be, would certainly play a role in any drow coupling. Loyalty would be the thing drow struggle with; after all, one may love one's famliy, but one also knows the correct time to insert a dagger into the base of that family member's spine. But still, I sort of feel like not much was made out of the affair; it almost felt like a teen movie where the guy and girl like each other all along and just get together in the end. It just feels like something's missing from the whole thing. While I can't tell you exactly what to add, I would almost say there needs to be some kind of treachery or betrayal or something... but then again, this fandom seems to move to the kinder, gentler drow nations...
Ah well. It holds some promise. It just needs a bit of cleaning.