|Reviews for The Heir|
| ba2006 chapter 6 . 3/22/2009
wish this fic was completed
| Veronica Lacroix chapter 5 . 11/29/2006
Allo! I would like to begin saying that it's a very interesting first fiction. I like the story and the plotline pace. But since it is your first fic, I think you could use a little constructive criticism (operative word being constructive)
I was a little bit confused on who Jensen really was (just some random guy, old friend of Buffy's?, etc.) and how he fit in the picture. And then there were some things that off-put me about the characters. Such as: Why is Buffy working for Angel? (what is A&Co.?), and Angel (soul-having Angel) wouldn't talk to Darla over the phone, and I doubt that she would even call him nor do I think he would curse like that and so often (the most I've ever heard him say was "damn" and "hell"). Also, if this is a vampire form of Angel, how/why would Buffy have his baby anyway (I know it's not his, but you mention that Angel thought it was his).
Now common sense stuff. Mental agitation (such as an anxiety attack) from the mother causes no physical harm to a fetus or a baby. Granted, it's not good for it, but there is no real harm. Physical trauma however is very damaging. And I like how you have a good, solid dialogue, because that's what's fun and keeps it moving, but I don't see a whole lot of action without dialogue.
I know that was a lot to take in, but take what you can. I will say again that I do like your story, and I'm not trying to bitch you out or anything, because I'm just trying to help. If you don't want help, tell me to fuck off and I'll leave you and your story well enough alone. But I think it's a great idea, so I'm going to put you on an alert.