Reviews for Best Intentions
machievelli chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Supposed to have been posted 25 August 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in late November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.

Some of the work I read is what I consider worthy of a professional. These are marked as Picks of the Week. While they are posted on I am adding the best of the week where applicable.

Best of the Week

Ten years before the Mandalorian Wars: A young Iridonian goes through the day he becomes a man.

The piece is very well done except for the flash forward needed and conversation breaks.

The look into the life of the Zabrak of Iridonia is excellent. Reading it I got a feeling of a modern group of Native Americans using recorded drums, with the shaman who has other duties during the day giving each boy his own ritual to match the old ways. Having a force sensitive finding this specific boy's path is excellent.

Pick of the Week
skywalker05 chapter 1 . 1/12/2008
Your Zabraks are an interesting combination of high-tech and mystical. ("Let the black and deepness of space that is our calling silence its summons and leave us to the raw heat of the flame". Very cool.) Stories about Bao-Dur are fun, and this one adds to the goodness an excellent writing style. Especially the description in the beginning really drew me onto the world you're describing. The formatting of the vision sequence perfectly evokes its feeling of timelessness and disorientation.

Who's Shayl? That part is a bit random.

"What did you see, shaman? And where is it on me?" Very good.
Niobe Asha chapter 1 . 2/3/2007
You really have a way with words - excellent work!
PadawanMage chapter 1 . 12/10/2006
Great story! ALways like reading about backgrounds...and poor Bao-Dur. How many people out there were praised for their inventions, while being damned by others?

Good Job!
Inconspicuous Acuity chapter 1 . 12/8/2006
Finally got down to reading some of your stuff, and I feel like I should have done it way sooner.

I'd say "wow", but it's much too little for the absolute eloquence with which this fic was writen. I don't know what other people thought, but with me it just touched several heartstrings, with all its depth, figures of style and mystical atmosphere elements.

There is nothing at all I would change about it; it was... perfect. God knows, I never thought I'd find anything like it around here, where people have to dig through ten misspelled stories just to find a decent one. It was inspiring and all in all just moving. It reads well as a whole and I totally related to Bao-Dur, despite two huge obstacles: present tense normally irks me and I'm just not a big fan of his character.

Not only is the story itself going to my favorites, but you are also. The only author so far that I really wish to place in there. You should seriously think about publishing books.
Lossefalme chapter 1 . 12/7/2006
Ah! Very, very nice! :) I like the ceremony you've created for the Zabrak men. The fact you compared the primitive aspects of it to their modern way of living was a nice contrast. I loved your theme of making mistakes and how you carried it through the whole fic, and made that the driving point behind the vision. Oh, very creepy how the shaman reacted to that vision, and poor Bao-Dur not being to remember! What self-doubt that must cause, but just as the shaman said, what will be will be. Wow, a really great job in showing us a glimpse of Bao-Dur's past! And you're descriptions were really good, too, I had a very vivid mental picture of the whole thing!
Rian Sage chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
I love how Bao-Dur starts out as idealistic as any boy his age would. And just like that age, he quickly disperses any doubt that things don't always go as planned.

I liked your ceremony idea. I don't see any problem with taking liberties with something not already identified. That's the great thing about fiction. Your interpretation kind of reminded me of Brother Bear.

I got a little confused during the vision. I had to re-read to realize you switched scenes from the loss of the arm to the activation of the MSG. I see now what the "..." was for, but I stumbled on it at first. But that is very minor in the whole scope of the fic.

Great job in setting up the scene in a very poetic fashion. I was really impressed with Uk'ran's speech. It wasn't corny and just seemed to fit the role he was playing very well.
Inactive Account 2010 chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
Oh, Trill. You have so much imagination - I have to assume from the note at the end that you made all of the tribal references up and I really enjoyed them. It was a brief glimpse into Bao's childhood and I always love little glimpses such as these.

At the moment I can't think of anything constructive to say - I doubt I will find anything in any case.

Great piece of work as per usual. :)
I am no longer available chapter 1 . 12/2/2006
I really like at the beginning how you get B-D to put a mechanical analogy to something natural. Sets the tone.

I like the shaman's first ritual speech and the nice tensions and meeting of old and new there.

The descriptions that set the mood for the night are generally quite effective, with the frenzy and power increasing throughout the first half.

I got a bit too lost in the dream sequence. Some seems good to capture the fact that visions do follow their own logic but I found myself re-reading it.

I like you you weave the "I don't make mistakes" into the inevitable future where he does say he made a mistake.

I think you could have done a little more to hint that B-D also has access to the Force, building up on how B-D hears the shaman in his mind and raising questions about what that might mean.

As always, well done.

I must admit to a bit of surprise. I was expecting B-D to get some for making it through the ritual. ;) Then again, maybe you're saving him for a little "bunker action"...
Candace McPenguin chapter 1 . 12/1/2006
From Alice and I

This is a wonderful, deep look into a different culture that is well fleshed out with great characters and feeling. Great writing.
Dante-Raven chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
Wow, that was very mind-boggling. I love how you play Bao-Dur's eagerness to be a Builder as the main element in the story, especially where the Shaman finds the cold destiny that awaits the young Zabrak. It's interesting in how you wrap it all together, including little bits about his father's death and that the cause was a 'mistake.' You show how far it goes into his character as he prides himself on not making mistakes, and then the little revelation. The ending really leaves me wondering how far he will believe that he 'won't make a mistake.' Great job. Poor Bao-Dur.
Auros Sopherai chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
This was great! I love the insight into the Zabrak culture that you created. It's perfect as a society retaining its traditions in the midst of advancements. I also thought that the coming-of-age story was very well done. I wish we could have seen more of Bao-Dur's interactions with other characters but... I suppose that would work only in a larger fic. Very short and to the point!
Cable Fraga chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
As always, the writing is superb! Vivid illustrations, great feel, the mood is conveyed beautifully... fabulous.

Another great thing is that you don't even have to know the games to follow this story. I could easily see this on an official website labeled as cannon.
Fatemperor chapter 1 . 11/29/2006
As always, good storytelling. Your recounting of the ritual was, to me at least, focused and almost poetic, along with the ancillary anticipation and aftermath.

I found certain elements to be a bit strangely inserted, such as the short bit about his father's death. I suppose it was to emphasize Bao-Dur's 'I don't make mistakes' attitude? It seems a little out of place.

About the ritual: It was reminiscent of some cultures here on Earth, quite fitting, and I don't think there's any contradictory elements from what little we know of the Zabrak.

Good job.