|Reviews for The Juggernaut|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 4/13/2013
Supposed to have been posted 2 September 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. My computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in late November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.
During the Mandalorian Wars: As the war goes on, people change, and not for the better
The piece had some grammar problems, senator's instead of senators for example.
It was a unique view of the war, that at Revan's behest, they allowed their own version of Pearl Harbor just to force the enemy to overextend. The idea that the Mando'a would ignore it if the Republic captured their home world fits with the view I have of them; Like the Spartans that disdained building a wall around their capital, because to their mind the army was that wall.
As the author said at the end, there are those who think Arren Kae became Kreia, I am among them. But as the author said, if she is, whatever happened to cause the change happened there.
| bradwart chapter 1 . 9/13/2009
I enjoyed this story-it agrees with the conclusion that Revan is the 'Lord of Revenge', and it also shows that he never 'fell' to the dark side, he chose it, by his admission that 'The child will need at least one parent.'
Revan, the Lord of Revenge, Kreia, the Lord of Betrayals, where does that leave Malak? Lord of Missing Body Parts?
| Lossefalme chapter 1 . 12/7/2006
Oh, I like! Another powerful and involved war fic! But I like how you showed the relationship between Arren and Revan, and how Revan's reaction to Arren ending that relationship changed as he realized the different facts about why it ended. I also like how you made Arren realize at the end that Revan had fallen to the dark side. You did a great job using the relationships between the main characters in this fic to tell the story with the war only being the background in which it happened. Well done! :)
| Rian Sage chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
This was a nice telling of a story that is open to a great deal of speculation. I never thought of a Kae/Revan romance, but I would think Master/Padawan relationships would certainly be possible.
I liked your transition of Revan. He starts out nervous and vulnerable seeing her. By the time he leaves, he feels above her. You were careful not to add any warmth to his character. So when you managed to step it up to eventually the cold and heartless Sith, it fit the character you built for him.
There was a bit of a shift in your writing towards the end. It seemed a little rushed from the time Yusanis woke up.
I find the tale of Arren Kae/Yusanis rather interesting. IMO, I think Kae and Kreia are not the same. But I do like your theory that it could have happened on Malachor. After all, the Trayus Academy was not destroyed.
| Dante-Raven chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
I like your take on the Kae, Yusanis and Revan relationship. Surely at some point the lines would have been crossed, but what intrigues me the most is how cold and cunning you make your Revan, while at the same time he begins a little hell bent on his relationship with Arren and the child. I guess he would lost his sanity at some point, but as Revan's former Master, Arren should have anticipated and (in the least) seen Revan at his worst and perhaps most terrifying. I really enjoyed this, especially where Revan sets up Arren after learning of how long she had been seeing Yusanis. I guess some broken hearts don't mend after all. Good job.
| Inactive Account 2010 chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
You already know what I think of this. :P
I still love reading over the way you handle Revan in military matters - the details you give us are so refreshing!
Arren Kae as Kreia... Can't decide on that one, but I agree that if this is the case, her 'destruction' and therefore, transformation on Malachor V is surely a plausible one.
| Trillian4210 chapter 1 . 12/3/2006
There are some great descriptions here. Like this:
"He felt jealous, and yet as he looked at her face—unwashed white hair, bloodshot pale blue eyes, and oily fair skin—and the baby she held in her hands, he could not help but to feel superior to her. How she has softened."
That seems very much like something Revan would observe in someone else.
And I like this because it struck me as very realistic:
"And the Jedi Council today, reaffirmed it's position of non-intervention in this conflict, calling on the Republic to exercise patience as they evaluated the threat posed by the Mandalorians. Senator's have criticized the Council's failure to act decisively in this time of crisis."
It *sounds* like a newscast, which I just appreciate. And therein lies one of your biggest strengths. I've read a ton of Council meetings and Senator meetings, and the like, and many of them sound like a bunch of whiny teenagers bickering. Your characters speak like adults, use language like adults, and the cadence and rhythm of scenes like the Council/Senator/meeting thing ring very, very true. I like that.
There were other places though, with much telling and not showing, like this for instance:
What exactly does he,” she meant Malak, “bring to this?”
There are other ways to reveal that the speaker meant Malak than to interrupt her dialogue to state it. If you exorcised phrases and words like that throughout the piece, it would tighten your story greatly.
All in all, I like this story a lot; I think it's well-rendered and clear. The battles are good. My other critique would be that the bit about Arren Kae being Kreia is very interesting but there is not a lot in the story itself to allude to it one way or another. It might have been fun if you decided she was and gave that a solid ending (or at least hinted at it more, since the only reason I made any connection was because you said so in the author's notes) Also, the "Revan as juggernaut" is really good, just needed a bit more foundation in each characters' section to really make it stand out.
Overall, great job and I absolutely look forward to reading more of your work.
| Candace McPenguin chapter 1 . 12/1/2006
This is from Alice and I -
This is one of your best works. The look into Echani culture added a lot to the flavor of the story. The three way relationship between Revan, Arren, and Yusanis was excellent and you put a lot of life into the minor characters as well.
The whole betrayal scene with Revan and Arren was awesome.
The only thing we could comment on is the transition at the end from Yusanis in his bed to him meeting Revan.
Revan's personality and his callous sacrifice at the end of the battle was excellent. Great tale.
| Bald as Malak chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
It starts off quite nicely, with some good description and mood setting.
Then there are some sentences later on that I found confusing, enough that I found myself re-readign them in order to figure them out. For example, this speech by AK just has way too much stuff in it: "“You have the potential to become a great Jedi... all I'll ever need.”
Also, I can't help but be thinking of the age difference between Revan and Arren/Kreia here...
Nice how you gave Malak the oratory skill and Revan the behind-the-scenes skill.
Nice bit of strategic innovation with the idea of having Revan let the Mandalorians overextend themselves. Ditto with how Revan gets the Supreme Commander position
There are lots of good bits and pieces here, but they need more filling out. For example, the debate above about strategy would have been much more dramatic/interesting with more back and forth and description of its dynamics.
Nice ambiguity at the end with AK.
Overall, I think you have a very promising story here. I quite like the dynamics you set out, the plot and its sequencing. But there are lots of little bits that need filling out to make it as gripping as it could be. Many places feel sparse. I think if you filled in those pieces (making it a multi-chapter story) you would have a great tale on your hands.