|Reviews for Confused in Another Sense|
| Pleneko chapter 1 . 12/6/2012
I think I've been to that Con...
| RED Scout chapter 1 . 10/3/2008
A combination of LotR, Lovecraft, and King. Not to mention Dominic Deegan, thrown in there for good measure. Weird, insane, full of grammar mistakes... but I liked it anyway. :)
| Vehred chapter 1 . 5/8/2007
Wow, I have to completely disagree with everything "ThaBombinic" just said. (Must be a friend of yours, someone who attended the Con with you? He seems to think he can make sense of this muck.) This is not only the worst fanfiction I've ever read- it's the worst piece of writing, period. This story was more than a disappointment- you've made the muse of literature gouge her eyes out.
I'm going out on a limb (which could snap at any moment) and guessing this story is just a teenager's experience at an anime convention. Granted, great and hilarious things are bound to happen in that setting. But, if you want to entertain readers as you try to relive that one weekend, make sure your audience knows what in Hell you're saying.
Now I'll respond to "Tongry-no-miko": Thank you! This spares the trouble of anyone else having to tell him, "Please, go back to elementary and study written English."
Finally, a last note to the author- Forgive me for being crude, but someone had to say all this. Do you want to be a writer? You have a lot of work ahead of you. Make a real effort next time, or just stop writing.
| ThaBombinic chapter 1 . 1/26/2007
Good sir, This is quite possibly the most intelligent and intriguing fanfiction I have read in a long while!
Log 1 brings our interest into the story. OotS is a fairly artistically simple comic. The OotS Cancellation perfectly mirrors the cancellation of what you expected to be a "simple" day. Excellent. It also introduces us to "Mookie." What do the quotes signify? Could this "Mookie" not be who he says he is? Does he share a mystic connection with the force of the Universe? Could "Mookie" be a nickname for another, more conventional name, such as "Michael" or "Mary Sue?" Only time will tell.
Log 2 feels like filler. Nothing much happens, though it still effectively piques our interest.
A curious thing occurs in Log 3. Mookie is no longer surrounded by "quotation marks," although "the seer" is, depending on what your definition of "is" is. Oh, those wacky Lord of the Rings geeks. You, as an author of a Dominic Deegan fanfic, are so much more intelligent and more awesome than they will ever be. Laugh in their fat little faces! YOU ARE THE MAN NOW, DEEGAN!
Log 4. The unnamed narrator is obviously important. He can bend the author of 8-Bit Theater to his will. That is one of the most controversial topics: Who is the unnamed author. From his way with words, he is obviously an accomplished writer. Various literary critics have suggested that the author is Pete Abrams, Tycho Brahe, even Scott McCloud. However, my personal interpretation of the work is the the narrator is Ian Jones. It would certainly explain what happened to RPG World, wouldn't it?
Log 5. The LotR group receives their just desserts. And it's about time, too. Damn nerds, obsessing over a classic book at a con where there are FRICKIN' AWESOME WEBCOMIX AUTH0RZ!1
Log 6: NOT THE APPLEGEEKS D: Don't they know it's suicide? Send the Bob and George fans instead!
Log 7: This segment is a bit weak. I am of the opinion that it suffers from a deficiency of cowbell.
Log 8: "THE DOOR’s DOWN!" Hey, I LIKED the Doors. Jim Morrison was the greatest songwriter of the 60's. And where did the elves come from. This is a good segment, but it could use some more clarity. Failing that, dickgirls.
Log 9: I've had this dream, but Mookie is usually dressed as a catgirl. How would the author be able to type while running? This effective blurs the lines of reality.
Log 10: SHOCKING TWIST ENDING! The author quotes Fellowship of the Rings! He, too, is a Lord of the Rings nerd, able to blend in seamlessly with the Deegan crowd. Damn, bro, you out-Shyamalaned M. Night Shyamalayan! Whatta twist!
| Tongry-no-miko chapter 1 . 1/26/2007
Very much in need of a grammar check. There, Their and They're are 3 different words with very different meanings. There, being a location, Their, being possessive and They're being a contraction of the words 'They Are.'
The exclusive elipses should be used sparingly. Commas should where a breath is taken in speech. Too many elipses just make a story annoying to read.
Other than that, your story is rather confusing. You give no reason for this collection of random Webcomickers and Lord of the Rings' fans to be in this location. Other than "Mookie," you don't even really give anyone's names.
The ending, "I…can’t…hear…anything, so dark…their’s flashing light and…running, but no sound…just the drums, I hear the drums in a steady…crescendo as I run…I am running? No, I just did that, were in a closet, ultilty room…I…mean we since there’s me…Mookie and about…five more “survivors” from the first…charge…but we hear footsteps…and we hear more," almost looks like the set up for a Mary-Sue-ish story.
Since it did say "chapter 1," I suspect that there will be more of this to come. If that was the actual end of your story, I suggest, well, first getting rid of the "chapter 1" part, and also actually writing more about what's going on. A giant drum sound killing people doesn't make much sense.
Only other suggestion, Mookie needs to be a dick girl. I honestly can't imagine a fanfiction about a webcomic artist that has obvious issues with sex and women in general without him being a dick girl. Hilarity would ensue!