|Reviews for What you let go|
| weirdredstreak chapter 8 . 12/23/2010
this story is really good so far.
Are you either american or Canadian. lol. the type of chocolate you like gives it away. Hersheys tastes horrible (in my opinion) you should try the cadbury's snack mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm now that is the best choclate.
(each piece is filled with stuff like caramello or turkish delight or pineapple or strawberry (gewwy stuff like the caramello is or like the strawberry fredo's) on the top of each piece there is a picture showing what flavour it is. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)
| vampiremuggle chapter 27 . 2/21/2010
omg this story is so amazing! I love it! I love the emotional undercurrent to the entire story. It just made it so...perfect. One thing, it's the Divine Realms, with an 'i' after the 'd', not an 'e'. I really cannot wait for the sequal. I have read this entire story since I started it yesterday morning around 10, and that includes 7 hours of babysitting and 6 hours of my little cousin's birthday party, as well as 10 hours of sleep. it was that good. now to go find your sequal!
vampiremuggle at gmail dot com
| hixy chapter 11 . 9/25/2009
love this chapter! and ending the story on a personal note almost made me cry! i know quite a few people who have been adopted or in foster care, but cant imagine what its like. thank you for helping me to understand (even if it was unintentional). im glad you have your gaven
| Loki's-Choice chapter 27 . 6/23/2009
This is a really good story. I like it a lot!
| bloom00011 chapter 6 . 4/19/2009
love it and theres something you should know about the griffin - in many folklaw in the middle ages/medieval times the griffin could often projest immages or sound to scair off presitors or project itself into a village to steal children all while staying in the safty of its nest. if it projects the thing it projects (immage/sound) becomes real so if it projects a snake and maked it bite someone they will feel it and if it was poisonous they might die.
i love medieval! also Tammy Peirce is awsome i love your fick. Continue soon!
| Clear Blue Rain chapter 3 . 3/13/2009
AH this is good:)
| Miakoda of Pirates Swoop chapter 1 . 12/21/2008
yes the story is good. for any spelling mistakes, and yes there where a few, i suggest i beta. if you already have one then great, if not the please get one.
| Dozhd chapter 3 . 9/8/2008
I love this chapter! it was hilarious! \(0)/
| Dozhd chapter 1 . 9/8/2008
I like the story so a lot, just one thing though, i think no one is two separate words.
| Devilishduck chapter 27 . 7/30/2008
XD Ahaha, how silly, that lightened my mood :D
I really enjoyed reading the whole fic, from the 1st chapters to the very last. I can't wait for the stories to come!
Keep it up!
| shadowstorm13 chapter 27 . 5/17/2008
awesome story ty for writing i particularly like the last chapter (27) it was a diferent way of writing the thankyou's that i have personally never seen now im off to read the sequel
several times i was reading in my room and started laughing and my brother who was sitting by my desk would look at me funny and askwhat was funny in the story i would laugh and ignore him
i enjoy throwing knives also (i'm a little bit blade happy) i took 2 of my brothers knives and now when i'm bored i throw them at something neither of us have gotten hurt yet but it's only a matter of time(i'm clumsy once i got hit by a firehydrent and a parked car)
| xxTunstall Chickxx chapter 27 . 3/22/2008
Wow, that was really good!
| zebrasdancing chapter 27 . 2/23/2008
nice how you ended it. love the story can't wait to read the sequel!
| Lady Mage chapter 1 . 1/27/2008
Allright, 'well rounded critique', here we come.
1. Your use of punctuation in this chapter is extremely problematical. Use a '?' when your character is asking a question, and a period '.' when a statement is being made.
2. I detected several spelling errors. It would behoove you to get a word editing program with a spell checker: if you don't have access to a computer with Microsoft Word, I suggest you take advantage of the free version of Open Office available from the main page of this website. It is not difficult to download and fix the spelling: this alone will make your story more accessable to read. No one wants to read something where many words are misspelled.
3. Your use of capitalization is faulty. Decide whether or not you want 'shang' to be capitalized or not, and be consistent. It is extremely disconcerting to read something that is not written with proper capitalization. Use of either Microsoft Word or Open Office will help you in this aspect.
4. Your grammar and sentence structure was a little off. Try not to use run on sentences and phrases such as 'and then'. I would also suggest breaking up dialogue like so:
"So she wasn't fit to be a warrior, was she?" Alanna snarled at Wyldon as she advanced menacingly on him, "Guess she proved you wrong. We could have had her on our side and she wouldn't be where she is today." Alanna was now practically spitting on Wyldon as she made her point. "Look what you let go," she said with a last menacing burst of temper. Lord Wyldon sat, not moving a muscle. When she stopped ranting to take a breath, he stood up and looked at the king... etc.
Now I'm not saying the edit I've made is perfect, but it does read a lot better.
5. The last thing I would have you remember is that it is extremely helpful to have a division in between the authors notes at the end of the story and the end of the chapter. Many authors put a horizontal rule there, others place the author's notes in bold or italics to signify that they are different from the story. This one thing may seem trivial, but it really is not. People make the funniest decisions about stories based on some of the stupidest things.
Now, I'm not saying all this to be judgmental. I'm certainly not perfect either, and I would want somebody to pick apart my writing like I've picked apart yours. You have a great story line here, and a wonderful premise. From the looks of this first chapter, you seem to have a good plot going.
I hope you've paid attention to what I've said, (and haven't just deleted the alert that you got a review, thinking I'm just a flamer) and you can use it to improve your writing style and quality. I look forward to see your progress and to read the rest of your story!
Thanks for taking the time to read this review,
| bookworm.amm chapter 21 . 12/8/2007