Funny how some girls prefer the dragon to the knight...love this!

Loved your story and am glad it is complete! Some writter cannot find the time to finish or lose their inspiration halfway into their story.

Such fun. But it’s glutton, not gluten. (I blame autocorrect...)

I don't know whether or not you will ever read this review, as you appear to have absented yourself since Bowie's death.
I have read most of the thousands of stories in this fandom. I regard your story as one of the greatest of those I have read. I thank you for your outstanding contribution.
As to those who quibble about trivial details, it is to be hoped that they produce works as memorable as this masterpiece.

This is so good!

You are so wrong with the second person pronoun. You need to use Thou, not Thee, when it’s the subject. But you have made a hot mess of the grammar altogether, so why bother.

You make Toby too old for his age, which if my math is right is four plus one year Underground so merely five. He’s more like an eight year old. Same with Claire.

I love Sarah and Jareth as a pairing. Who doesn't? I love that he was very aggressive in the beginning of the tale. He was flawed and not in control of his own emotions, which I think was very in character. I think for me the downfall in the story was that the switch in his character from sort of mean to nice just happened to fast. Other than that, I liked everything else. I loved that Sarah had to find herself in the beginning of the story. It was neat how you wove in she was part Fae. It worked quite nicely with your overall story-line.

Ok I'm not sure what the intent was here, but in every chapter you make Sarah's injuries worse. That doesn't seem to make sense and it also doesn't seem to benefit the plot. It's just confusing at this point, especially since you're not describing any resistance from Toby for being in a strange place and kept away from Sarah. You're missing significant details.

I'm always torn in offering reviews for the author long after a story has been completed. This first chapter is very interesting. In a way, I'm glad you didn't go into detail about the family dealing with Sarah's "ability", making it seem like this was rather new and unreliable or infrequent. However, there is A LOT of editing that needs to take place before this could be considered excellent, and I think you have a decent idea to make an excellent story. It's really too much to describe in a review, but you need a tutor or editor because this looks like a very rough draft. Unless your education is pretty young, like 7th grade and under, in which case you've done a great job in trying to undertake an emotional story. But if you've had the years of education necessary to make complete sentences and write them well in such a format then yeah, you may need to review your work before submitting or get a tutor. There's no shame in that. Good luck in your future wirings!

The story is very well crafted and the storyline draws you in. I enjoyed the story a lot.
That said one thing that distracted me was the mangling of the word thee. You see, the word and all associated words are INFORMAL. In a situation where you are addressing a superior or someone you respect, you use the word "you". Alternatively, if you are addressing a friend, lover or someone with a lower social status you would use "thee.
The usage of thee within the story has no logic behind it. Please go back and adjust it.

This was the 1st story that I read from your collection (you are one of my fav) and it’s still one of my favourites and I keep coming back to it. It would be perfect if it had some M rating content... ;-P especially their 1st time... so much anticipation and when it came to that part it just felt like some kind of anti-climax.. ;P But thank you for all your wonderful stories 3

Some spelling and sentence structure problems, but a great write, dear lady. Your story, detail and plot structure was very well thought out. Outstanding character development also. I will say I have u and this story in my favorites

Lovely!

I love your storytelling, you did well. I love this pair
Thank you