|Reviews for A Rose by Another Color|
| Cas chapter 1 . 12/8/2006
Okay, so you've got a good thing going. In a genre that's low-key, but that's okay, there's a trick to exposing oneself so you can either get a little more feedback or find someone who can give you ideas to brainstorm over. There are things you can work on here, generally. The story flow is good, but not great, and there are sentences or phrases that I know once you put your mind to it, you can modify them some, add a little kick by re-wording.
Don't change your style or anything, but try harder to improve, though I shouldn't really say that, because I know you do your best. You're much better at writing than I am, for sure, and you're passionate about this, so there's an almost 100% guarantee you'd do well hereafter.
There's a lot of extensive detailing happening in your fic, wonderful by far, some folks won't go the extra mile, but you've got so many things going on it might be hard for the reader to wrap their mind around one thing before they can grasp the other to even remember it. Gradually allowing them to ease into your terminology or plot might be the key to holding them intrigued, so you may wanna tone it down by spreading it out over chapters. No one appreciates being lost when reading something that has potential.
You put expressions in backslashes, not much but they're there, and I'm not sure that's allowed or is even right for prose in general, but you may wanna get rid of them and just explain what the person's doing straight out. Folks tend to like that better, you see. Your dialogue is nice, quite informative. Overall, this is cool, and I'm not the best critic, being your pal and all, but I can sort of pick up where your strengths and weaknesses are in a few things.
Try a beta. See if you can handle that. If not, use your eye to spot where you need revision most. I know you've worked hard on this, but get second opinions, okay? Filter through advice given and find what works for you.
Good work, though. Keep up the writing, and maybe try your hand at a simple one-shot in a different fandom and see where that takes you. It helps when you focus your energies on a few things at once...that are not wholly stressing. Ideas come to you that way. Oh, and read fics, read, read, read!
You're doing great, dear. Ta!
| KiloWhiskeyOscar chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
This is kinda like playing through an RPG, not that there's anything wrong with that. That being said, this story is off to a good start.
I hope the rest is as good. Keep it up.