|Reviews for Harry Potter: Tragic Hero|
| The-Caitiff chapter 1 . 2/26/2007
Please continue this! I love the work you've done here, integrating Native American traditions with HP magic. I don't have many nitpicks, except that when changing perspectives (Luna woke up... Ron woke up... Hermione felt the pain...) a line break of some form is appropriate. I use a 0 spacer, but whatever works for you. We need something to tell us "we're going to someone else now" unless all three people had been in the same room (which from context we know they weren't).
Aside from that and a few spelling errors, awesome job. I'd really like to see a follow up story (even a one shot) of Harry learning from Crying Coyote and perhaps the final battle. If you're just going to do one shots, perhaps focus on how Harry must gain Crying Coyote's respect through tasks and challenges and then the battle just up to the climax. If you told of the battle up to when Harry and Volde use their trump cards but then leave it unresolved it could be very powerful.
You have a lot of potential as an author, please don't let it go to waste.
| Gohan'slittlebro47 chapter 1 . 12/8/2006
This is a great start for a great story, but not a one-shot. If it became an actual story, it would be extremely good, but there is no way this should be a one-shot. It has to much potential, and isn't final enough.
Now onto criticism. First of all, your paragraphs are way too long. Anymore than five lines on a computer, especially this website, is very hard to read and hold attention. Don't lose any of the information, just find ways to spolit up your paragraphs.
Also, each time a different person speaks, it should be a different paragraph.
This has potential, but the main problem was that there wasn't nearly enough detail, on both the surroundings and the people, both as to what they look like, and who's speaking. This makes it confusing and far to vague to hold interest for too long.
That said, I would love it if you continued this story, revised the first chapter, and created something wonderful, which wouldn't be to hard considering the start you have here.
Great job, if you ever want some help, just ask me, I'll answer as best I can.
Have a nice day.