|Reviews for Chained|
| Nylah chapter 5 . 6/2/2007
Eek! A test! Did I pay attention enough...:) OK. not gonna answer all of them, assume a 'yes' or a 'good job on that' on the ones I skipped.
7. Only in one place, it seemed rushed to me... when she thinks back about Danny being captured and Tucker and Sam in jail. I think you could have expanded on that a bit more.
8. I have only one problem with your story, and that is that I have to reread it entirely every time you put out a new chapter... but I can't force you to update faster...:)
| FunkyFish1991 chapter 5 . 6/2/2007
1) yes, the word flow was good - no probs there
2) it was nice to see Jazz - and to find out that Sam and Tucker are still sane _
3) i dont think so
4) no, their thoughts weren't generic, and Jazz's certainly sounded like hers
5) maybe a little more reference to just how much she really misses him?
6) not that i can tell
7) maybe you can afford to slow the pace just a little?
8) yes! you've been KILLING me with this long wait! just make sure you get back to Val and Danny soon _
please please please update soon!
| Invader Johnny chapter 5 . 6/2/2007
Ok to answer your many questions:
1) Yes the chapter seemed to have very well written sentences, at least when certain situations come up.
2) If by interesting ya mean giving a character a role we weren't expecting then yes, in this case Jazz having a ghost dog por a pet I didn't see THAT coming and the name "Ghostey" is very of her character since she's horrible coming up with names.
3) Well nothing seemed outta place in this chapter, just odd that it took ya so long to add other characters besides Danny, Valerie, Sam and Tucker.
4) In my opinion ya seemed to do well on the characters thoughts, although Jazz could use some improvement like I dunno, ya can tell us the angt she felt when she felt she was left alone on the world.
5) Well to be honest between Jazz and Danny, they have a good brother sister relationship but it semed kinda odd (at least to me) that she never tried to free her brother by trying to get inside the building and use any Fenton equipment to free him.
6) Like I said the only thing I fin OOC for Jazz was her lack of getting desperate and free her brother by an immoral and desperate way since it has been shown that Jazz would do anything for her brother, then why not use vandalism for the first time?
7) This chapter was short so, yeah it seemed sorta rushed.
8) Well I'm still reading so ya HAVE kept me intrigued on the story, otherwise I woud have stop reading now wouldn't I?
And if ya dont mind my suggestion then maybe ya should add other ghosts besides Danny and the ghost dog, ghosts like Ember, Danielle, etc to the fic.
By the way if ya care would ya mind reading my DP fic?
Invader Johnny Signing Off.
| Anne Camp aka Obi-quiet chapter 5 . 6/1/2007
1.) Did this chapter have a generally good flow of words, or should I work more on my sentence structures?
Yes, the flow worked very well.
2.) Are the characters still interesting and, for the most part, still adding a fair share to the building of the plot?
Well, you nailed Jazz's character, gave just enough of a background for us to get what's going on without getting too wordy, and I want to shoot the stupid scientists that simply want to know if a weakened Danny Phantom will survive for their experiment.
3.) Are there any scenes or certain places in the chapter that seem out of place or slightly confusing?
*shakes head* No, not particularly.
4.) Are the characters' thoughts realistic, or too generic? Is there any way that I could improve on this?
Absolutely (to the first question) realistic. I really like Jazz's train of thoughts. Easily followed, good info, and an all around good job.
5.) Is there anything you think that's missing in the relationship between Jazz and Danny?
No. The line about how she promised to protect him covered that easily.
6.) Does Jazz in any way or form seem out of character? If so, how can I improve this?
7.) Did it seem too rushed in places
8.) Have I been able to keep a steady level of reader interest?
Yes, with one exception. I found this very informative, but short and that tends to chop the story up a little bit. Chapters are to help and separate a long story into sections to make it easier for both the reader and the writer without chopping up the story into bits and pieces that are too small. I'm still working on this one myself, but I think that it could have used a little more thought, even if only from the guy she talked to over the phone (general consensus of the public opposition), or even from one of the scientists if you didn't want to jump back into Danny and Valerie.
| KelseyAlicia chapter 5 . 6/1/2007
w and type in the names of the third season episodeds if you haven't seen them yet. YOU HAVE TO SEE PHANTOM PLANET! Nice too hear from you again!
| Ghostboy814 chapter 5 . 6/1/2007
I liked this chapter. Everything you asked for in the interrogation seemed fine; it flowed nicely, the chapter, despite being a filler, added a lot to the plot, Jazz's thoughts, characterization, and relationship with Danny were all realistic, and it wasn't rushed at all. I also like the fact that you've been updating far more frequently than almost any other DP fic on my alerts. Keep up the great work!
| Plushiemon chapter 5 . 6/1/2007
1. It seemed excellent to me.
2. Most certainly!
3. Hmm. Not that I can think of.
4. They seem pretty realistic to me.
6. That's a toughy. Jazz' character is... odd. But I think you're doing a pretty good job with keeping her IC.
7. Most certainly NOT.
8. I'm still highly interested.
And if I'm not helping, I'm really sorry. -;;
But I am seriously loving this. And I'm VERY happy to see it updated
| Kyasarin-Maarukeehii1 chapter 5 . 6/1/2007
That was great! I think Jazz seemed perfectly in character for the occassion, since she was pretty much freeing her two best friends from jail. That's awesome! Update again soon!
| Sasia93 chapter 5 . 6/1/2007
Perfect score for seven out of eight of the options.
8.) "Have I been able to keep a steady level of reader interest?"
Personally, my interest has been declining ever-so-slightly through this chapter. Why? The main conflict in the story resides in the room with Valerie and Danny. Sam, Tucker, and Jazz are all important characters in the backstory (I'm assuming, else you wouldn't be telling us about them), but the parts that I REALLY look forward to are the ones featuring Valerie and Danny.
Fillers are necessary, and understandable, so long as there's fair-sized chunks of the main conflinct interspersed.
So to sum up the previous two paragraphs, you're fine as long as you have some Danny-Valerie conflict next chapter. o_
PS Oh yeah, and thanks for the update, by the way! ;
| Chaos Dragon chapter 4 . 6/1/2007
wow. loving this now that i've had time to catch up on my reading. really looking forward to the next chapter!
| Mickolie chapter 4 . 4/15/2007
Wow... this is a good story. Gosh, I'm even crying!
| FunkyFish1991 chapter 4 . 4/3/2007
aw i love this story! i've been watching it for so long - please update!
| Zarz chapter 4 . 3/23/2007
I really love this story! It's so sad, but there's still hope! I like the interaction between Valerie and Danny, and I just hope that Valerie decides to trust him before it's too late - not to mention that he's still in okay enough shape to get them out of there! Does fire still hurt ghosts when they're intangible? Anyway, I'm really looking forward to the next chapter! It's kind of ironic that you're stuck on the explanations, considering that whenever I come up with a story, I spend hours making up the various explanation conversations, but the biggest reason I never write anything down is that I just have the barest outline of the rest of the story that the explanations are for!
The only part I thought was really odd was that Sam and Tucker are apparently in the same jail cell (not to mention that they're still there). Wouldn't they put a girl and a guy in different cells? And wouldn't they have had some sort of trial and either be in prison or free by now? I look forward to finding out why. Not to mention, I can't wait to find out why they have a laptop and what Tucker will manage to do with it. Free Danny?
Keep up the great work, and I am so definitely looking forward to the next chapter! Please, update this soon! The story's great!
| Just call me Crazy chapter 4 . 3/23/2007
Hey, this is awsome! I hope you continue! Pore Danny. Valerie dosen't know what she's done...
I hope they can get out without to much truble. I want Valerie to see that Danny is Phantom, that she hurt her friend so that she knows. But I don't because it would hurt her... to know that she did that to him.
I love this storry.
Its got alot to it.
However I am getting mad at Valerie- Oh, you're doing great though- Its how its sapose to be.
She keeps going "You roined my life!" But cant she see... she ruwind his...
Of course that's just like Valerie, she dosen't see what she's doing, just what's happening to herself...
Sam and Tucker are in jail, of course there going to act alittle difrent. Its so wrong- they souldn't be in jell. T-T
One last thing!
Keep up the awsomeness story!
| Viskii chapter 4 . 3/18/2007
This is so, so, so brill. Wow. Just- I can't even describe it, or try to answer your questions. I'm in awe of the depth of emotion here. It's really something... just wow. Please update soon. I can't wait to read more. :)