Reviews for Everybody Loves Balthier
Mega Mario chapter 10 . 8/19/2014
I now realize after typing all of that up that you said you didn't want long ideas. Oh well. Just take whatever bits and pieces from all of that that you want to use and integrate it into your own writing.
Mega Mario chapter 13 . 8/19/2014
Well, there WAS a plot at one point in time, before the long hiatus. There was randomness, but it was more enjoyable then for some reason. Random randomness with nothing actually going on just isn't funny to me. You have the right to write your story however you want, but I'm just trying to give you some feedback.

But alright, fine. You want random? I'll give you random.

The gang find themselves in Bhujerba and meet Jude from Tales of Xillia. Jude is looking for people to assassinate Chris Hansen and rescue his girlfriend Milla who Chris Hansen threw in jail (Milla is 20, and Jude is only 15), and Jude is willing to pay "an assload of money" to anyone who takes the job. The gang takes the job, and they go with Jude to the Tomb of Raithwall, which has been converted into a prison for sex offenders. In addition to the usual traps and monsters, the prison is also guarded by clones of the famous highly-flexible cannibal, Painis Cupcake, called "The Painis Men". The Painis Men have but one weakness: having broccoli shoved into their buttholes. It makes them die instantly.

The gang sneaks through the tomb, applying suppository broccoli to every Painis Man they encounter, and they soon find Chris Hansen's office, they fight him and beat him, but then he turns into a giant version of himself, and the gang fights and defeats him with giant robots. Back inside the tomb, they find Milla. Jude gives the gang the promised "assload of money", and then he and Milla get on a flaming horse that can fly by farting, and ride off into the sunset, in search of a place where their love isn't illegal. Only once they are long gone does the gang realize that the money they were given is gald, not gil, and thus is useless to them.

The Urutan-Yensa have become civilized and friendly since the events of the game, and have set up a quaint little rest stop in the middle of the Sandsea that serves tasty burgers and drinks with little umbrellas in them. The gang stops here on the way home and see the news on TV. Professor Hojo (with his FF7 Abridged personality) hijacks the airwaves and announces that his waffles have been stolen, and he has seized control of Bhujerba and plans to crash the whole sky continent into Archades, and idea that was given to him in a dream by a man named "Tar Assnozzle" or something. The gang hurries back to Archades, and they find that the city is overrun by Painis Men! These Painis Men have developed an immunity to broccoli up the butt, but it turns out they have another weakness: having their painises cut off. After neutering several Painis Men, the rest of them flee the city, stealing a truck full of waffles. The gang follows them, thinking that they might be the ones who took Hojo's waffles. It appears that the Nechrol of Nabudis is where the Painis Men have set up shop. Literally. Some Painis Men have set up booths and are selling food and t-shirts and stuff out of them. In the deepest part of the Nechrol, the gang finds the original Painis Cupcake, sitting upon a throne made out of waffles, some of which belong to Hojo (as they have "property of Hojo, the greatest professor SCIENCE has ever known" written on them). Upon seeing them, Painis Cupcake tries to eat the gang, and after a heated battle, they eventually decide to negotiate. The gang decides to trade Vaan and Basch as sacrifices in exchange for the throne of waffles, and Painis Cupcake agrees.

Back in Archades, the gang contacts Hojo and offers him the waffle throne in exchange for not crashing Bhujerba into Archades. Hojo accepts the waffles, but decides to crash Bhujerba into Archades anyway because he's bored and it would be really anticlimatic if he didn't. Just as it seems the gang's only option is to evacuate the city, Vaan and Basch show up, having eliminated Painis Cupcake by shoving broccoli up his butt AND cutting off his painis. Basch says he has an idea, and asks for several truckloads of beans. Basch devours all of the beans, and then climbs to the top of the tallest building in Archades, and aims his butt at the descending sky continent. Basch then lets rip the biggest fart the world has ever seen! The force of the fart is enough to push Bhujerba safely away from Archades! However, it is also the smelliest fart the world has ever seen, and the gang has to evacuate the city's entire population to Rabanastre anyway while a hazmat team cleans up the city's air.

In Rabanastre, the gang learns that Hojo still controlls Bhujerba, but it doesn't seem like he's going to try anything crazy again for a while, so it looks like the gang might have a chance to relax for a while. OR WILL THEY?! DUN DUN DUN!
Guest chapter 12 . 8/17/2014
This story is barely about FF12 anymore. Might I suggest a more focused story arc to get things back on track?

After the Spartans are taken care of Balthier and Fran talk and decide that the beginning of their child's life shouldn't have so much chaos in it, and just then they find that they have won an space adventure vacation in a contest that they didn't enter. Nonetheless, they decide to go on the vacation, and they also bring along a few of their less crazy friends, specifically Penelo, Ashe, Vossler, Larsa, and Noah.

Meanwhile, Vaan and Basch have been left behind, and think that their friends have been abducted by aliens, and promptly set off to rescue them. They assemble a small elite team consisting of themselves, Sephiroth, Reddas, Dr. Cid, Judge Faggoth, a mysterious man who is totally not just Vayne wearing sunglasses, and a few thousand Archadian soldiers, and then they set off into space in the new Archadian spaceship, the A.S.S. Jackinof. It is a ship that has been specially designed so that not even Basch can crash it, and has several auto-flushing anti-clogging toilets in every room.
Mega Mario chapter 11 . 8/17/2014
Dang, I wasn't done yet. I hit post review by accident.

Anyway, like I was saying, the A.S.S. Jackinof has been painstakingly Baschproofed, Vaanproofed, and all-around idiotproofed, as if whoever designed the ship was expecting Vaan and Basch to captain it.

As it turns out, Balthier and the gang really were abducted by aliens! The space adventure vacation thing was a trap. The aliens take them back to their home planet and try to experiment on them, but they escape from the lab.

In summary, this story arc would focus on Balthier, Fran, Lightning, Penelo, Ashe, Vossler, Larsa, and Noah fleeing the aliens and trying to get back to Ivalice without being captured again. Meanwhile, Vaan, Basch, Sephiroth, Reddas, Dr. Cid, Judge Faggoth, Not-Vanye, and the Archadian redshirts visit various planets looking for Balthier's group, and usually wind up causing trouble. Eventually, the two groups would meet up, escape/defeat the aliens, and get back to Ivalice safe and sound. What do you think?
Guest chapter 11 . 8/14/2014
Could do with less poop jokes. Those are friggin gross man. Also, I feel that all of the numerous random character cameos are taking away time and effort that could have been used on the main cast.
xOscarxMyerxWienerxGalx chapter 1 . 11/2/2013
I love this series of fanfiction. It's one of the first ive ever read. This inspired me!
Mega Mario chapter 1 . 10/11/2011
Do you plan to continue this story? Please do.
BonsaiBabe chapter 1 . 6/11/2011
I remember the first time I read this story. . . I cried because I was laughing so hard. It's still hilarious the second time through. I had to laugh the other day when I went to McDonalds. "Whose 20 piece?" "Whosever." Lmao. I don't know why I find that so hilarious.
Howling Star chapter 1 . 1/5/2011
this is so damn funny, i chocked while i rofl't. great job dude
Hector chapter 10 . 6/29/2010
Awesome and it works on my touch. Maybe add Artix the Paladin of Puns from ?
andre fernandes chapter 10 . 1/2/2010
i completely loved this story hope you you continiou this .you can intruduce places like henne mines tomb of raithwall the great cristal make a big trip around ivallice .
Ceases-A-Name chapter 10 . 1/2/2010
Funniest fic I've ever read, you srsly rock keep on going D:
TheNutellaChan chapter 8 . 7/15/2009
O.O How did this manage to stay up here! What the hell? 0_o I had a story in similar format as this. (Script format) And the Fan Fiction Administrator(s) took it off! How did this not get this taken down? How? *couldn't rant about it on your recent chapter b/c I already reviewed it*
Ria Bunansa chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
excellent. absolutley excellent. I shall send this to my friends and my friends friends even if they have no clue what FFXII is.

You, my friend, are an amazing parody-wroter and should continue. I also thinkk that we should see moree Al-Cid...*drools at his name* And seroiudly, were did ya come up with Lightning? Good stuff...That whole Fifty Cent thing was hilarious too.
Arcxhasxskillz chapter 10 . 4/5/2009
I really liked it. xD

One thing I'll say though... You need to add more Kytes(And add Filo at least once! Or Tomaj).

I hope to read again when it's finished! -story favorited to do so-
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