|Reviews for A Longing For Home|
| sweetandsimple1 chapter 9 . 2/23
Aww that was so sad and bittersweet! The ending and the epilogue were excellent. Good job!
| sweetandsimple1 chapter 6 . 2/23
Poor Leia :(
I get that you need 'villains' for your story, but I feel that you made Mr. And Mrs. Mellon too two-dimensional; by that I mean the whole point of their characters is to be the 'bad guys'.
Jack said it was hard for him to leave his home, implying that he has at least a normal relationship with his parents. Their sudden spew of insulting, hate-filled words is therefore uncharacteristic. No matter how mean people are, most of them usually don't harshly insult other people straight to their face, no matter what internet fiction says.
In real life, Mr. and Mrs. Mellon would have a polite-but-awkward meeng with Leia, perhaps cringe when they see her tail, and then proceed to have a short, uncomfortable conversation before calling their son to speak in private. First they'd start out gently, because they're his parents and ultimately they want what's best for him — gradually they'd start yelling and shouting, maybe, and then when they see that their son is being obstinate that's when they'd leave. Their hate in and of itself is unrealistic; it's better to approach this from the angle of "we just want what's best for our son" instead of "your girlfriend is a freak and we are being. mean because we are supposed to be the bad guys in this story".
| sweetandsimple1 chapter 5 . 2/23
I only just realised I was holding my breath the entire time Jack was meeting Leia's family. I'm glad it went smoothly.
I forgot to mention it, but in Chapter 4, did Jack and Leia go really deep into the water? Because if they did, Jack could have gotten the bends when Leia suddenly brought him to the surface. (If you don't already know what the bends is, google it. Or don't — it's pretty nasty)
| Nintendoman01 chapter 8 . 4/19/2014
God, that really tugs at my heartstrings.
Even if they can't be together, at least they still stay close friends. Every cloud has a silver lining.
| ILOVETHISstory chapter 8 . 4/28/2013
This is one of the most touching stories I ever I read how the parents treated Leia I got as angry as if I was her great how you write because you can feel all the feelings of the I almost cried what's REALLY unusual. Even if the story is sad I normally don't in this case I nearly cried. Short said:Very touching. I LOVE IT
| teacupz chapter 9 . 8/16/2009
Oh, such a sweet ending... :)
I think it's better ended up like this than both of them get married... it's original in my opinion...
hm, I can't pull out my thoughts about Leia's a canibal since she cook and consume fishes, T.T -no offense for Leia's fans-
overall, your fic is great as usual...
but, chapter 3 is missing, isn't it? O.o check it out, will you?
| Morcianhero chapter 1 . 7/30/2009
well to put it simply... i liked this story, you made it believable, aswell as interesting you are a very talented author.
| Peach Zelda chapter 8 . 7/1/2007
after reading the whole story, here's my review:
JackXLeia is one of my favorite pairings. and you've set up the story in such a way that its actually very beleivable. this is definitely one of my favorite fics on this site.
your writing style is rather juvenile. that's my only complaint about the entire story. there are better responses than "you bet." and do try to add variety to your writing style. the dialogue was very formulaic. but seeing as this is one of your older, fics, i bet you've improved LOADS since writing this.
the plot was excellent. i'm a high school senior and i have trouble coming up with decent plots. if it weren't for the way the story unfolded, i wouldn't have continued reading. the story was very believable, realistic, and had just enough detail to make it come alive withouth going overboard. i give you five stars in the plot department.
keep writing. improve your style, and you've got it made.
| tehgreatmystery chapter 1 . 6/29/2007
ok, listen; u need work. im gonna try and say this in the nicest way possible, so here goes:
i dont like your writing style.
im sorry, but as the younger sister of one the best authoress's in my time, i say it just need some work.
| Tanookie chapter 8 . 6/1/2007
Sorry I didn't get to finish this earlier; I seem to have forgotten about it! Anyway, I really liked it, and I really liked the ending. Turns out Daryll was wrong after all-Hah!
| Tallis-chan chapter 8 . 5/1/2007
I read this one before I knew it was you who wrote, but I don't know why I never reviewed it. Anyway... I like how you did this to actually make more sense in real life because they wouldn't be able to actually be with each other and you made everything work out in the end. Nice ending. I'm not too good at the ending of my stories. lol.
| S. King chapter 2 . 4/27/2007
This is the best chapter yet. Lots of good description and developing a good plot.
| S.King chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
Good start to what could become an interesting story. The only comment i could really give is the strom was violent one minute and then just calmed down...perhaps more of a segway beween the two happenenings( such as the sky brighten and the wind slowly fadded away, a bird fly high above her...etc)
| fuzzi fox chapter 1 . 3/27/2007
Dude what the hell flame rising? First of all, if you want to leave a real critique point out what you thought was so atrocious about the writing. dont just say "it sucked" that makes you look like a friggin nagging idiot.
Awesome Rapidash I enjoy your writing style, just wanted to tell this flamer to f-off ;) I havent read this story yet, I was reading reviews to see the overal reception to it because Im not usually a leila/jack fan. But I enjoy your writing style so I plan to read this eventually.
| Dark Yuki chapter 8 . 3/2/2007
Hands down that was the best story ever!EVER!E-V-E-R EVER!
It was perfect P-E-R-F-C-T PERFECT
Thanks and keep on making great fanfic!