|Reviews for He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother|
| SophieSaulie chapter 11 . 1/9/2008
Sorry this review is coming so late after the others. After cleaning things up and finding this chapter highlighted, I realized that I never did the review for it so I hope better late than never is okay.
I loved how you ended this story. I loved how you got Sam and Dean to talk, face their issues and concerns and not in an insincere and unbelievable way. It was all in character and of course, I loved the Dean concern. It's all in Dean's voice and words and you understand and believe him. It was wonderful. I loved Dean's talk with Bates too. I like that you have Bates call Dean on his protectiveness. It was a nice outsider's observation of Sam and Dean. I LOVED the angst, what can I say?
Straight for the jugular, and Sam felt his breath constricting as the guilt consumed him.
“I’m good,” he said. “How are you feeling?”
- so cute. Dean asking Sam if he's okay is so like him and the funny comment about feeling like roadkill is priceless Dean.
“Road kill usually has better coloring,” Sam said, feeling some of the tension leave his body. Why was it that his brother could always bring him back?
- great comeback and wonderful acknowledgment by Sam about how Dean has this magic over making him feel better. I LOVE it.
They arrived at the elevator just as the doors opened and a young doctor stepped out, startling them both. Dean didn’t skip a beat. “I’m going to miss her so much,” he said, his voice an exaggerated sob.
“I know you loved her, but you know she’s in a better place.”
Dean managed a shuddering breath, and it wasn’t until they were safely behind the elevator doors that Sam wondered if the broken sob had been part of the act. Dean was pale, and even with the two shirts and jacket he was shivering.
Dr. Bates looked at him and smiled before turning around. He would expect nothing less from the young man that had defied logic and survived the appendectomy from hell.
- Only Dean for sure. I love that about him, it's amazing how Dean survives the "slings and arrows"
Dean looked at Sam, seeing him for the first time since the nightmare, relief flooding his insides at the sight of his brother. At the family he had left.
- sob and SO sweet!
Dean pressed his face against the window, hoping the cold against his skin would keep the impending nausea at bay.
Sam watched Dean struggle, torn between doing something and honoring his brother’s privacy. He knew Dean was tired of being sick, of being the patient. So Sam waited, forcing himself to ignore every turn, every curve, every sudden stop as Betty inched her way up the mountain. Until she stopped suddenly, a deer grazing in her path, and he could no longer ignore the look on Dean’s face.
- I can relate to his and you describe it so well. I was getting queasy reading it.
“Listen,” he began, his voice gentle but firm. “I understand that your priority right now is to keep your brother from worrying anymore than he already is, but I also know, from speaking to your doctor earlier today, that you have no business being out of the hospital.”
- Loved the scolding here. It's said with such genuine concern.
“Maybe. Maybe he’d commit suicide and save you the trouble.”
Dean laughed in spite of himself.
-Funny and so easy, the banter.
Realizing he’d just been blackmailed by a 95 year-old that could probably take him down, Dean nodded and did as he was told, secretly grateful to be off his feet.
-Wonderful that Dean realizes his limitations, if reluctantly.
Some of his own memories from the Roadhouse were etched in his brain, embedded there for eternity, a cruel injustice on top of the assault. The sound of Sam’s voice pleading with Bates to do the surgery, the shaking of his brother’s arms when he tried to shield him from the pain, the look in Sam’s eyes right before he went under. They were images that fought each other for attention every time he closed his eyes. Images he couldn’t justify with his father’s last words.
He had lived with those words screaming in his head every day, every hour, for weeks, but now they were being crowded out by an even stronger presence. By the image of his brother as he moved mountains to save him. It was impossible for him to reconcile that image with the one his father had painted.
- WONDERFULLY WORDED!
By the fact that something as simple as appendicitis had brought him to his knees. By the constant reminder that he was human.
- sometimes we all think Dean is superhuman in some ways. He certainly acts it.
Dr. Bates sighed, unable to come up with a satisfactory lie, not really wanting to. “We ran out of nitrous oxide when Sam was closing you up,” he finally admitted. “So Sam had to, well, actually, no, Ellen ended up finishing the sutures. Sam couldn’t…” Dr. Bates paused, the memory vivid inside his head. “Sam chose to be with you. To get you through it.”
- Sob! I SO LOVED THIS! I loved that Bates told him the truth and exalted Sam in the horrendous decision he had to make and choosing to comfort Dean. AWESOME!
“It’s okay, Doc, I’m glad I know.”
“Sam’s not going to be happy.”
“Sam’s in love with you,” Dean teased. “Besides, I’m not going to say anything.”
“I get it,” Dr. Bates said, the tone in his voice hard for Dean to decipher. “This way you can do the worrying for both of you. Hang on to the burden all on your own.”
Dean looked at the doctor, his expression softening when he looked in his eyes. “It’s my job to protect him, not the other way around.”
- SO typical Dean and what is so lovable and frustrating about him.
“Not just for you, but for Sam as well.” Now he had Dean’s attention. Bates felt uneasy using Sam to get to Dean, but what he recalled of battle scarred war heroes quickly overrode any guilt. “You can’t discount emotional trauma – and God knows Sam went through hell and back. And he’s still worried about you.”
- Love this too!
“I don’t know what to say to him,” Dean finally admitted. “I feel like I failed – to protect him. To keep him from hurting anymore than he already was.” Dean couldn’t mention his father, whose loss had started the cycle of pain to begin with. He was certain that any reference to his father would send him over the edge.
-again so WONDERFULLY Dean!
“And because of that you were there for Sam every step of the way,” Bates replied. “I don’t know how, but when he needed you most you were there. You did not let him down. Hell, the fact that you survived is a testament to what you’re willing to do for your brother.”
- Okay, repeating myself, but again, just wonderful how you worded this. Dean needs to hear that what he does is amazing, that he shouldn't treat it like it's expected or routine.
Dr. Bates treaded lightly. “Do you ever close your eyes and think about your own pain?”
“Sometimes,” Dean admitted, staring at his empty glass. “But I can deal with that. I can’t deal with Sam’s.”
Bates noticed Dean wrap both arms across his stomach, his body language betraying the façade he was trying so hard to believe, to make everyone believe. That he was fine. That it was all about Sam. That the physical torture he went through was gone and forgotten.
-Dean is self-sacrificing to his own detriment, but it's amazing how much he carries and yet he can't see his breaking point, the stress fractures that are forming, mentally and physically, and that will do him in one way or another.
Dr. Bates scratched his head, not sure how he came to care about these boys as much as he did. He worried about what they did for a living. About the fact that they existed in a world where they had to watch each other’s backs constantly. In a world that had just thrown them a curve ball they never saw coming. He had seen enough to know they would always look out for each other, but he worried that Dean, the protector, would die before showing any vulnerability again. And that of course, would destroy them both.
- A lovely outsider's view and observation here too.
Bates knew Dean was done talking, and it was time to stop pushing. He was surprised he had said as much as he had, certain the combination of the alcohol and the pain killers had weakened his resolve and the misguided notion that he had to be a superhero in the eyes of everyone.
“I don’t know, Sam…” Dean caught the anger in his voice and stopped. He was in this place a week ago, on their way to the Roadhouse, his brother’s presence a painful reminder of his inability to deal. With his father’s death. His grief. Life. And that was before Sam had shown his mettle. An undeniable strength he had never known was there. And for the life of him Dean couldn’t go back to that place. To the space and time that was so painful he would forget to breathe as easily as he could avoid his brother and everything he stood for.
- Great revelation here! I love Dean giving credit where credit was due when it came to Sam. A big deal for him!
“Every time I shut my eyes I see something new, something awful. I see you. I see me, incapable of protecting you.” The words were the most hard-fought Dean had ever said, and he had to force himself to stay where he was, in mind and body.
-So love this admission!
“Dean, you can’t always protect me. Sometimes you need protecting too. You’re human.”
Dean bit his lower lip, an attempt to ground himself in the moment. “It scares me to think that,” he said, his voice soft and measured.
“That you’re human?”
“I’ve spent my life hunting evil, monsters, and the thing that almost does me in…”
“Is what separates you from what we hunt,” Sam interrupted.
Dean thought about that for a minute, the concept too big for him to grasp all at once.
“It’s the same thing that saved you,” Sam continued. “It’s humanity. It’s Bates.”
“Bates didn’t save me, you did.”
“Without Bates I would have killed you.”
“Without you I would have died.”
- LOVED this dialogue! So honest and wonderful (there I go again)
Sam ignored everything he wanted to say – that he was shocked and stunned and hurt that his brother didn’t know how he felt about him, because it wasn’t what Dean needed. What he needed was permission to let go. A release of the guilt and the fear that was eating him alive.
“Dean,” Sam finally managed. “I’ve spent my entire life being looked after. By Mom, by Dad, by you. Hell, even by Jessica, because I was a mess when we met,” Sam paused, making sure his brother was listening before continuing. “And I know you’re worried about me, about what I went through that day, and I’d be lying if I told you it didn’t shake me to the core. But I’m so glad that I was there for you. I’m actually pretty proud of myself.”
- I LOVED THIS!
Dean nodded, the urge to put up the walls hard to resist. “So I gave you something to be proud of,” he finally managed, the thought swirling in his head.
“And I gave you another scar.”
- Back to the lovely brotherly banter. It's so honest and real!
Suddenly Dean could see Sam as more than the kid brother he had to protect at all costs. His father’s words were still there. His fear for lack of understanding was still there. But something else was clamoring for attention. It was a newfound respect for all that he held dear and close and in his heart. For all that he had left. For Sam.
- About time! I love Dean, but glad he's seeing Sam in this new light.
“Before I knew you had 10 lives. When I thought my emotions would get you killed.”
“Now I know you’re not going anywhere no matter what I do to you.”
“I guess once you operate on your brother on a kitchen table, the sky’s the limit.”
“How’s your spleen? You attached to it?”
-perfect ending on a humorous note as is the only way with Dean and Sam.
Fantastic ending and again, sorry this is coming so late. I hope you write another story. You're a very good writer and write excellent Dean suffering, my favorite.
| McWicca chapter 11 . 1/7/2008
I meant to do something today. I really did. I have a couple of fics of my own I wanted to work on. But then I came across this, and it basically devoured hours of my life. I just couldn't stop reading it. It was amazing! It completely satisfied by limp!Dean angsty!Sam needs, and those needs are very intense and difficult to assuage. I loved the OCs, they were absolutely brilliant. Everything was wonderfully detailed and I could picture the entire thing perfectly. Your writing was both extremely poignant and hilarious. I laughed out loud many time, which is not something I do too much when I read fanfiction. Your characterization of the boys was great. The epilogue wrapped everything up perfectly. You got to the heart of everything between the brothers without being too mushy. This is definitely one for the favorites list.
| Bellbird chapter 11 . 1/2/2008
Sorry that it's taken so long to review this chap!
But wow! I'm really glad that you wrote this story. It's brilliant and I loved the epilogue. Waiting for more of your amazing stories is going 2 b really, really hard!
| Bellbird chapter 10 . 12/26/2007
Crashing the helicopter? You cruel thing... I'm glad u have limits! Lol.
Again, Loved every second! Especially liked Dean's imaginary convo with Sam when he was going into shock!
| Bellbird chapter 9 . 12/26/2007
Again... fabulously researched! I loved every minute.
I was starting to laugh when they got to the injection stage because it was the only thng keeping me reading because I have a phobia of needles and even reading about them makes me squeamish! Lol. Sorry... too much info!
| Bellbird chapter 8 . 12/22/2007
Oh...my...goodness. You are so cruel leaving it as a cliffhanger! I'll have to read more next time I'm on.
Great research though! You can really see that you know what your talking about... IMPRESSIVE!
| Bellbird chapter 7 . 12/22/2007
Oh, I'm definately still with you! And I'm more than ready for Dr Sammy. Guys are so much hotter when they're in uniform... Lol. Can hardly wait! Yum! Lol.
| Bellbird chapter 6 . 12/22/2007
Wow. I liked the first part of the chapter when Dean was cracking jokes like..
The end is just getting too nerve wracking for me!
And hey, what's all this about you being an insecure writer? Hm? You've got nothing to worry about because I think your'e brilliant! I hope that some of my reviews will help you realise that.
Me on the other hand...
Anyway, gotta read more!
| Bellbird chapter 5 . 12/22/2007
Aw! Not fair! Dean is so cute when he's delirious! I know that sounds weird, but it's true! And I was nearly crying with Sam with the stuff about John!
I swear I'm reading faster coz the story is just so damn good, that I just want to know what happens next!
| Bellbird chapter 4 . 12/22/2007
I'll say Yikes! This is very nerve wracking! I knew right away what it was when Ellen pressed on his abdomen and he cried out. I was actually going to say that I had an idea, but then I read on, and my idea was confirmed. AW! I hope his alright!
Another great, exhillerating chapter!
| kuhekabir chapter 11 . 12/21/2007
Wow that was on angsty ride. Excellent writing, thanks for sharing :)
| Bellbird chapter 3 . 12/17/2007
Lol. Lucky Ellen! Taking off Dean's shirt... a lot! Oh, but poor Dean. I hope he gets better. My friend MonikaLou would love him like this! She finds something satisfying about him being in pain...
Anyway... another gr8 chapter. I'll probably read more another day.
| Bellbird chapter 2 . 12/17/2007
Another exhillerating chapter. (sorry. I don't know how to spell exhillerating.) I wanna know what happens!
Oh, and I still adore ur descriptive writing. I'm so jealous! My stories seem to have 2 much dialouge and not enough story telling and description. But your stories are just right.
| Bellbird chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
Silly boys... their going to get sick. Oh but, I do feel sympathy for them. Especially Sam lol. Poor Dean. I hate feeling under the weather and not knowing if some little thing such as a headache is the cause of your sickness and lack of hunger. I always find that there is a certain feeling knawing away at you, saying 'oh but, then again, it could be something else. Something important.' You hope that it is the small insignificant thing.
Anyways... enough bout me. Beautiful writing! Definately going to keep reading. I'm just getting into it. Off 2 read more!
| IheartSam7 chapter 5 . 12/10/2007
My God was thaT amazing. I am completely bawling. What emotion. My heart is breaking for Sam. OMG I can't even tell you how good that was.