|Reviews for Betrayal|
| Shizuku Tsukishima749 chapter 1 . 12/17/2011
Listen to me very, very closely:
YOU. SUCK. ASS.
You clearly have ZERO respect for this fandom if you even DARE to produce and especially REPRODUCE these pieces of fricking shit.
P.S. - We flamers and those giving constructive criticism (which I normally would be, but you just make me too fricking pissed off) are merely trying to see that you should DELETE THESE DAMN WORTHLESS EXCUSES FOR CRAP and IF EVER POSSIBLE (though I wouldn't be so damn stupid as to bet ANYONE'S life on it but yours and your sister's, since you're the only ones who deserve to have their lives at stake for the sake of this utter bullcrap) write something decent to contribute to this already-abused-enough fandom!
Oh, yeah, and those friends of yours who continue to support you and your sister's writing endeavors? Damn, where'd you find them? The river bottom? Bet you paid 'em to even write a letter of those broken-teethed lies, huh?
Oh, yeah, and did I mention what's wrong with your fic? No? Oh, well, that's because I was so disgusted with this crap...I forgot! XP
*OCs SUCK ASS! ESPECIALLY YOURS! CUT IT OUT ALREADY! IT LITERALLY BURNS, DAMN IT! DEAR TUI AND LA!*
| iLoveFlamaRrrsss chapter 1 . 6/28/2010
... wow .
help me to write shit like this
| Bloom-san chapter 1 . 9/25/2008
| onceuponachildhood chapter 1 . 7/10/2008
The "Dy Lee" thing is spelled Dai Li, you idiot.
If you cannot get the names right, there's a problem.
Go see ZFPJ00's writing guide. You need it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
| accountdone chapter 1 . 10/19/2007
Your spelling sucks, your grammar sucks, there's plenty of OOC, and you plainly cannot write at all. It's sad, sad, sad. YOu think this is amusing, don't you, you little troll? Well, I fucking DO NOT. Neither does anyone here.
We all know that you are going through rough times, and that you're desperate and you're lonely... but we don't fucking care. We want good stories, and if you can't get that into your thick skull, you better get your PATHETIC ass away from the fucking computer.
From, The Assh0le
| VampiressBeauty20 chapter 1 . 10/12/2007
LIKE OH MY GOD! IT'S ANOTHER SUE AUTHOR, KILL YOUR SUE WITH FIRE!
| Wikicritter chapter 1 . 7/13/2007
Mary Sue (sometimes shortened simply to Sue) is a pejorative term for a fictional character who is portrayed in an idealized way and who is generally lacking in any truly noteworthy flaws (or having her flaws romanticized, as is sometimes the case with stories about characters with eating disorders,depression, or other psychological conditions). Characters labeled Mary Sues, as well as the stories they appear in, are generally seen as wish fulfillment fantasies on the part of the author.
Characters most commonly labeled Mary Sues are often characterized by their unusual and dramatic traits and experiences, their similarity to their author or their author's ideal person, and, most especially, the trait of extreme superiority in comparison to other characters.
Those labeled Mary Sues normally have exceptional physical and personal characteristics, including unusual and (typically) tragic backgrounds. They may have uncommon eye or hair colors or come from a race or species which is uncommon or unknown in the story’s setting. They may have exotic names, pets, or possessions, often ones with great perceived mystical or magical significance. As children, they often will have experienced abuse or other hardships that were substantially worse than the abuse or hardship experienced by other characters and often, by many of the people in the real world — though they are often said to seldom if ever display any evidence in personality or behavior of having been traumatized. In adulthood, they are generally portrayed as misunderstood or unfairly persecuted. They are often abandoned as infants or young children, from a famous or infamous family, or related somehow to the author’s favorite character.
They frequently share hobbies, likes and dislikes, and opinions with the author, and may be of the same nationality or age as the author and have similar but more dramatic physical appearances or backgrounds; other times, they may merely have hobbies or features that the author finds exotic, high-class or somehow admirable.
In fan fiction, they often cause things to happen that the author wishes would happen in canon. They usually mock and humiliate characters the author dislikes; if these characters are well-liked in canon they sometimes reveal to the other characters that they are secretly evil. If a character is disliked by most canon characters but liked by the author, the Mary Sue realizes that they are not really bad but merely misunderstood and either explains this to the other characters or becomes the character's sole confidant and friend, if not their redeemer. Mary Sues may bring together characters the author thinks should be romantically involved with one another or become romantically involved with characters to whom the author is attracted.
Characters perceived as Mary Sues almost always have more and better skills than other characters in the story and easily solve problems that stump other characters. Young Mary Sues often have skills or accomplishments that are substantially greater than those of other characters their age and of the majority of people their age in the real world. They are usually presented as more moral than other characters and frequently sacrifice their lives or happiness for the sake of other characters. They often have moral ideas or follow norms that are common in the Western world today but unusual for the setting or perceived setting of the story. They are nearly always exceptionally attractive, with said attractiveness often being described in great detail and typically noticed frequently by the other characters.
Characters said to be Mary Sues are generally heavily praised by the author and especially other characters. If the Mary Sue has flaws or limitations, they are either minor and/or endearing, or yet another hardship for the Sue to overcome (e.g., paraplegia, depression, an eating disorder, or a "passionate" temperament).
Sub-concepts of or relating to "Mary Sue"
This subconcept of the "Mary Sue" comes in two common variations. The first is a character who is constantly depressed and has an unnecessarily tragic past, frequently involving such things as child abuse, rape, or abandonment of some sort. She often feels guilt for something that happened in the past, even though it is usually not her fault, which gives her the ability to feel bad about something without doing anything wrong. Generally, if she doesn't commit romanticized suicide, then only the love or close friendship of one or more canon characters can convince her that she is not responsible for a tragic or horrific childhood or event that was not truly of her making.
The other version of "Angsty Sue" has a tragic past, but rather than crying about it seeks revenge for what's been done to her family/home village/civilization, etc. She is thrust into the spotlight of the story while doing so. The writer uses her past not merely as a device to gain sympathy, but also to claim moral superiority and justification for her actions; as such, this type of "Angsty Sue" rarely has unnecessary guilt.
Some authors make an extreme effort to avoid their character being a "Mary Sue." Such attempts are often referred to as trying to create an "Anti-Sue"; the key difference between a well-developed character and an "Anti-Sue" is that the deficiencies of an "Anti-Sue" are similarly over-the-top as the positive qualities of a "Mary Sue."
"Anti-Sue" traits include physical unattractiveness, mental illness (including sociopathy and psychopathy), noticeably lacking in power relative to other characters (if even competent at all), being generally disliked by others or never interacting with them, cowardice, and other unflattering characteristics or personality traits. While characters who can arguably be described as "Anti-Sues" have proved popular in some fiction, especially in modern times (see anti-hero), at other times they may be perceived to be as bad as, or even worse than, "Mary Sues." The "Anti-Sue" is often viewed as merely another cliché stock character, especially if he or she still manages to take the spotlight away from the canon heroes.
Canon-Sue (in fan fiction)
The term "canon-Sue" (also written as canon!Sue) or "Possession Sue" is used to describe canon characters who are changed significantly from their original canon characterization and sometimes even divorced from their original context completely. Such characters are seen as having been heavily idealized to the point of being more of a stand-in for the author's wish fulfillment than being the original canon character.
Characters most frequently labeled "canon-Sues" often develop the typical traits of a Mary Sue with little precedent or explanation, a process sometimes called "sueification." Some examples are the discoveries of tragic pasts and abilities superior to other canon characters, the elimination or romanticization of flaws, and being antagonized by characters disliked by the fan-author while befriended by canon characters liked by the author, or by an original character created by the author.
If the "canon-Sue" deviates enough from the original, it can also be referred to as an act of "canon rape" (also "raping canon," "characterization rape," or "character rape"). The terms are also used when a significant (and disliked) change has been made to the canon world or characters, such as when a former hero is vilified or a usually-chaste canon character is easily seduced by a fan-created "Mary Sue" character.
Canon Sue (in original source)
A "canon Sue" may also refer to a character whose canon portrayal itself is seen as a "Mary Sue," rather than a character who has been altered in fan fiction. Typically, this refers to a character accused of being overly idealized or having other traits traditionally associated with fan fiction "Mary Sues," such as being "special" by having a gratuitously tragic past, unrealistic skills, or a seeming inability for the character to do wrong.
Self-insertion is used to describe clear (and usually seen as indisputable) cases where the author has directly inserted a version of themselves into the story in lieu of a wholly or even partly original character, generally going so far as to use the same name or pseudonym for character and author. Though some author surrogates have sometimes been thought to "work" in fiction, self-inserts, as a rule, are frequently seen as the most blatant "Mary Sues," especially when heavily idealized. Some online fan fiction archives have a ban on any story which involves self-insertion, especially sites which disallow any fan fiction involving a nonfictional person, such as Fanfiction dot net.
Traits of the "Villain-Sue" include replacing, befriending, or being romantically involved with the canon villain, defeating canon characters with ease, having frequent suicidal thoughts (but despite these, not killing herself), being secretly redeemable, having a tragic past that somehow excuses her adult transgressions, and letting the canon characters live when she could kill them—not out of bad qualities such as wanting to see them suffer or taking all of them as prisoners, but because she really isn't that bad.
Sometimes a "Villain-Sue" becomes a hero (usually close to the end of a story), saving the characters from a much worse menace. Once she is a hero, the canon characters rarely question her motives and accept her a member of the group.
| Kattebutt chapter 1 . 3/29/2007
Heh yeah cliffie! Please continue! I wanna see if Dai get so far to hurt Aang or if she is stopped by Katara before... Hm cause i cant figure it out myself ;)
| Inkheart37 chapter 1 . 2/28/2007
Hi, I LOVED THIS STORY! It was great! Please ignore the people who might have bothered you, they just want to make them selves feel better. I really liked it the cliffhanger was crazy! I hope to read more.
| BloodFat chapter 1 . 2/24/2007
This is utter and complete shit you've written here. Shitty, shitty, shit-shit!
Have a nice day!
| Adverk chapter 1 . 2/19/2007
That was stupid. I have several tabs open right now and I'm flaming all you idiots all the way back to when the show first came out. The plot is overused, your cliffhanger is redundant, you can't spell, your grammar sucks, "I can help" is so last Monday, flowers don't grow in the Poles, and your story sucks.
Hate you, hate your lack of paragraphs, hate your "Original" Characters, hate you again, hate your sues, hate your plot, hate your spelling, hate your knowledge of grammar (or lack thereof), hate your guts, hate your life. Just like 80% of the world, you hate us and we hate you back. The feeling's mutual.
Don't ever write again, is that alright little girl?
| Fr0g chapter 1 . 1/6/2007
Were to begin...
Let's start with the spelling. You have major grammar and spelling issues. Seriously, use the damn spell-check. Oh, and WHY must you damn suethors ALWAYS write in POV? Is there some kind of unwritten suethor law that I haven't heard about?
The writing style is rather childish. Probably around 5th or 6th grade level. It has poorly written paragraphs, and the few descriptions it dose have are very emotionless. You don't describe how things feel.
Your character's aren't developed very well, and your Mary Sue hugs the spotlight. Aang, Soka, Zuko, Katara, and even Azula are the main character's of the show; not your Mary Sue.
Flowers don't grow in the arctic, you moron.
"Iroh is NOT a nice old man who will immediately invite your female OC back to their ship. Iroh is a very strong, very skilled Firebender who would probably fry your Mary Sue if she came within fifty yards of his nephew. Zuko would never ask your female OC for help in capturing the Avatar or regaining his honour."-The Pantheon
Another issue with your creativity: Your plot. Your plot pollutes, kills, and rapes the avatar fandom. Why must you Suethors ALWAYS use the same damn plot? Thinking of a plot isn't hard! 'Appa gets ill, Aang goes to get medicine while Katara, Toph, and Soka stay at camp. Zuko stops by, and blah blah blah...' SEE? I just made a plot! In, like, five seconds I made a plot! It could end up being zutara! It could end up being kataang! It could end up being any cannon couple! CANNON!
Cannon is NOT a bad thing. Cannon is what makes a story a fanfiction. Fanfiction's are enjoyed by fans. Crap is not enjoyed by fans. This is crap. Thus, you are not a true fan, you write crap, and you need to delete this and die. Now.
Listen to the flamers. We flame you for a REASON. Stop polluting the fandoms, and start doing something useful. Try seeing how many times you can run through the freeway without getting hit. I assure you, by doing this, you will help the world and the avatar fandoms become a better place.
| Omnipotent SIN chapter 1 . 1/5/2007
You spelled Strain or Strand wrong, I am guessing you meant strand.
Over kill on the italics kid.
You spelled They wrong.
There is this thing called contractions, learn what they are.
Proper Nouns should be Capitalized.
Get a spell-checker.
Did you have anyone else, other than you, read this?
Really, get off the Italics.
The run on sentences are running out of breath.
Grammar is screwy in places and rereading it makes no sense.
Horus is an Egyptian god.
Spell-check kid, use it.
| SaintFan chapter 1 . 12/14/2006
Okay, what the hell happened to Li? I mean, seriously, what the hell!
Dude:Shut up man. Let the author do their work.
Unknown:Yeah! What he said!
Me:(smiles calmly) Well, I guess I'd better go. Some asses need kicking.
Sanity at its worst!
Love, peace, chcken grease