|Reviews for Strained Harmony|
| numair42 chapter 3 . 11/20/2013
Okay, I want to preface what I am about to say with this. I really like a lot of this author's other work. I have a lot of respect for Sunshine and it's one of the reasons why I started reading this. The problem is that this story isn't good. It's a well crafted bowl of beef stew with very little beef in it. It could be that I am not the right type of reader for this kind of story, but I found myself waiting for something to happen. There are some really great moments, but there is just so much text between them that it's hard to keep reading.
This story would probably be better as an original piece of fiction. The Ranma and Sailor Moon story lines are just a fancy backdrop. You can take them away and the story would be mostly unchanged. The only real thing the source material gives is a cast of characters that is easily recognizable. By the end of the first chapter, a lot of that material had been wiped away and we were left with this. A story about a shy runaway who is taken in by a rich family to take care of their sick child and finally finds happiness with a family that loves her. That premise can be a really good story in the right hands, it just isn't a good Ranma or Sailor Moon fanfiction.
That doesn't mean I want you to stop. This is still your story and if the muse is telling you to write, then write. All I ask is that you find a way to bring more plot development into future chapters. I feel that there is some powerful drama here, you just have to get to where you can put it into words. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter if you "stay true" to the source material. We're all just living in your world. We just want to make that world more awesome.
| Campin' Carl chapter 2 . 11/6/2013
There's a whole lot of words to this here feeding fetish story. That's what I assume it is, anyway. It took 136,000 words for Ranma to find out about the Sailor Senshi, and yet the story has been nailed by food porn that would make Brian Jacques proud at least three times. I meant the first sentence to be a joke, but now that I'm writing it, I find I truly am just waiting for you guys to get to the point of the story already.
I mean, come on guys! I normally wouldn't care in a well written story like this, considering it's only three chapters so far, but it's been SEVEN. YEARS. Can you really afford to not have the plot start if three chapters is taking you over half a decade?
Either get to the point of the story, or just cut to the part where Ranma gains gratuitous amounts of weight in inadequate amounts of time in a deliberate pandering to feeding fetishists. I don't care which one it is, but stop pussyfooting around with this food bullshit.
| Valkarious chapter 3 . 11/4/2013
Love these long chapters, very much looking forward to reading more. Take all the time you guys need, it'll be well worth it when the next chapter comes.
| Poetheather1 chapter 3 . 10/23/2013
Having Nabiki find Ranma and then not knowing it was her... effing priceless. That was so brilliant. And the good living taking the rough edges off but leaving the muscles behind, simply helping her body mature... very clever. I do love this story so very much. I really can't wait for her and Setsuna to get together though. The group of them are already an adorable family. Not being the nanny and simply being the "mom" would make it painfully cute.
And that bunny thing... too much. Love this.
| shugokage chapter 3 . 10/12/2013
Incredible story and I wish you luck on the next chapter if you continue!
| RedRyder01 chapter 3 . 10/9/2013
Awesome This one was just as good as the first two chapters. Though I hope to not have to wait five years for the next chapter!
| FateBurn chapter 3 . 10/7/2013
Excellent story so far please continue soon.
| FateBurn chapter 2 . 10/7/2013
| FateBurn chapter 1 . 10/7/2013
| Gibelyou chapter 3 . 9/14/2013
A very interesting take on the fukufic idea. I really enjoy the exploration of who Ranma could be without the chaos and influence of most of Nerima's inhabitants. There are a lot of subtle plot hooks laid in the older two chapters that could evolve into full adventures. My initial reaction was that more of the old Ranma should have survived, but on further reflection there wasn't that much TO the old Ranma.
Definitely worth the wait, I do hope chapter four doesn't take as long.
| Yasha-HebiHime chapter 3 . 9/13/2013
Well, here we are again. It seems that you cut out quite a bit and added quite a bit, though the parts you cut out are most likely going to be in the next part of the chapter.
I apologize for not reviewing sooner, especially after reading the "un-revisioned" part so long ago. I actually have quite a few complaints unlike the previous chapters, mostly revolving around what the second part is going to entail.
But first I have to say that the story is still very well written and worth the read, though I do wish you would not resort to vague flash backs for rather important scenes, such as Usagi's wound or how the battle was resolved. It makes it a tad hard to understand what exactly happened. Though I understand that writing this alone probably didn't help matters.
- (For those of you that read reviews, don't read past this if you don't want potential spoilers) -
The main thing I have to.., well, say things about is how well Ranma is adapting. While it has been a point in most of the story that Ranma becomes rather embarrassed, or shy, around certain events she still doesn't seem to react well enough to. Being groped by Setsuna in this chapter, for instance, hardly got a reaction at all.
Her body is another matter entirely, since she should still be rather trim and curvier, though still 'big' due to her muscles and assets, but I'll admit I don't know much about how the body grows. It still seems... odd that she would adapt like that, though.
Lastly is how she reacts to boys. I know that it is obviously present to change, but I, personally, have never seen Ranma the type to enjoy the company of men. She has only joked about it so far, but at the end of the "un-revisioned" version you showed me, it showed her wearing a very high-class outfit and going to a dinner with... well, a guy.
I can only suspect that, through all of these things happening, that Ranma will end up with Setsuna either way, but going out with a guy should, and it might, cause a huge meltdown for Ranma. It's something that contradicts half of her life, after all.
One more thing, and truly the last thing, is the hair. While cute and definitely lovable... the whole "Usagi-Ranma" thing seemed to be way overplayed. Moving like a bunny, or having the tie of Ranma's apron look like a "tail", was also cute for a short bit but it seems way exaggerated and... difficult.
That kind of hair style would be rather difficult to move around with, I think, and it would just look silly in a normal environment. Not to mention how inconvenient it would be in battle. They could easily get caught on something or keep Ranma from ducking down / crawling through something effectively.
Honestly, I think the bunny hair, and cat hair, should have been kept as a one time deal and not made into anything huge past a little skit. Taking what was said about her hair being able to grow out and be made to have those ears permanently makes it rather obvious it was planned she keep the odd style, which makes it feel like you're changing Ranma a bit too much.
To be honest this story, while still enjoyable to read, is starting to become less of a Ranma 1/2 story the more it goes on. Most of the Nerima crew are out, Ranma is gradually becoming someone she isn't, and there's been hints that Akane might stop seeing Ranma because of their damaged past.
I hope I didn't upset you by this review, though, as I still greatly enjoyed reading it despite my problems with the plot. I'm sure the next part will take some time to finalize, but I am looking forward to it all the same.
Hope you take my words into consideration, but I wish you happy writing either way.
| Kadunta chapter 3 . 9/11/2013
Such a long chapter that I got tired of reading halfway through it and mostly just skipped the rest. A problem in posting such long chapters on this site is that there aren't (that I know of) in-page bookmarks telling where exactly I left off the last time I spent time reading a chapter. Possibly not a common problem, though.
So, the Caduceus of Hermes rather than the rod of Asclepius?
| Badgedbadger chapter 2 . 8/20/2013
Hah. Ranma's reaction to the policemen comment is exactly how I first interpreted it. Also, you make people eating food interesting. Good job on that.
| Preier chapter 3 . 8/13/2013
very nice to see this continued.
i felt the "mall adventure" part would have gained to be structured in two, perhaps three?, subsection. as it is, it was a bit massive (about a third of the chapter?not quite half?)
thank you for sharing your stories
| Catz1112 chapter 3 . 8/5/2013
Wow. I've got to say, this is proving to be one of the more interesting stories I've read on here. Keep up the god work and I look forward to the next chapter!