|Reviews for Harry Potter and the Dueling Master|
| Heksy chapter 2 . 4/22
Hm...I am not sure what to think.
Even though I am very curious about this dueling master, the way you wrote the story is too...what's the word...choppy.
e.g.: "Harry said _". Mr. Weasley did _"
It's a bit static.
Now do not think your story is bad or something.
It is actually quite entertaining.
My problem is just that it isn't flowing just right, at this moment.
| jon reeve chapter 6 . 1/19/2015
Yep, I'm done. Same critique as everyone else: good potential; bad delivery.
| jon reeve chapter 5 . 1/19/2015
Oy vey. If you ever come back to read these reviews: just remember that we don't hate you. Really, it's decent for your purported age of the time.
| jon reeve chapter 1 . 1/19/2015
So authors have been turning old and/or unattractive women into foxes for Padfoot since before this fic?
| Stormkrystal chapter 31 . 1/3/2014
Really would love a sequel to this.
It is a really amazing story and I love how rich and deep your characters are.
| Guest chapter 31 . 9/6/2013
Sequel - pleassseeeee
| electric2book chapter 13 . 8/13/2013
This story has good potential but it seems too sugar coated, everything is fun and fluffy and super idealistic...also why give them code names and have the agents use other agents real names anyways in front of civilians...Harry basically told the professors Ivy's and Jeff's real name in the middle of a mission. I tried making it through this fic and I like the ideas in this fic but it is making it impossible to continue on because the good guys don't even seem to need to try to succeed. They can transfer any knowledge anytime, so why bother studying at all? They can "molecularize" and take a potion to not be killed and feel no pain and a pill for no sleep? How come no agents ever go bad or go over with that technology to the dark side? How could all of that technology been formed in just the years that Voldemort was terrorizing others? Because if the agents of the Order just need to keep their identities until Voldemort is killed, then that means that they were created to take down Voldemort so they could have only started in the years following his reign of terror...too many inconsistencies and plot holes in this story I'm afraid
| PureHearts chapter 7 . 6/8/2013
you've got a really good story here, as in, the universe and the setting and the storylines are all really good and interesting.
But your characters need...improvement?
Everyone's reaction to Harry and Angelina's death was poor, and Harry's assimilation into the order is impossibly straightforward.
Harry's grown up believing his parent's dead, he grew up abused and used by the dursleys, and he's been working his whole life with the knowledge that his parent's are dead. Therefore, when he does meet his parent/s, I would think he would be scared, and even hate them for abandoning him.
Assume we say that lily and co. have been 'watching over him' using the crystal ball. They knowingly submitted Harry to a childhood of abuse and loneliness. mmhmmm...
He watched Cedric die in front of him. He felt guilty. And his response to seeing cedric was immiediate acceptance? -.-
And Lily. She hasn't seen her son in 14 years, and she FORGETS. Considering how much she 'apparantly' loves her son, shouldn't she have dropped everything and greet harry the first thing, let alone wait a day?
Also, Harry is a fiercely independent person, who has authority and trust issues. Waking up in a strange place where people he thought dead, who he believes he has killed ( Cedric, his parents, etc.) and he just...trusts everyone. Yup. That makes lots of sense.
Ron and Hermoine are basically family, and so is Sirius etc. and now Harry has to live with the fact that he can never see them as friends anymore. and he's FINE with it. He doesn't worry about how they are coping. huh.
Also, the AK antidote. I can believe that. But they only give it to those they want to recruit. in reverse, they don't give it to those they don't recruit. So in a way, they pick and choose who gets to live and die. If a doctor with holds treatment from a patient that can save them, they are essentially killing the person. Same thing applies.
If they are able to inject a person and the person assimilates all knowledge, why do they go to school? Just give every child a dose and voila! Also, taking the no-pain potion before a fighting class is supremely stupid (Sorry about the bluntness). Pain is there for a reason. If a person twists or breaks an ankle, you don't want to move one it. no pain, you don't know you've broken it, you make it worse. Also, you learn faster under some pain,
Also, if everyone just gets to pick a talent, and just has all the abilities, then why limit it to one? Also, by the 'assimilation potion/serum' theory, everyone has the same knowledge imprinted onto them, hence they are all at the same level, making the title and concept of 'master' completely moot. If everyone has the same abilities, what makes one person better than the other?
I've never actually reviewed and given such a long comment before, it's just that this is a really good piece of work ,and despite the issues, I really like the concept you have. I know it's complete, but I thought that if you ever consider editing it someday, or when you write your next story, I hope that this review can contribute in making you an even better author than you currently are. :)
| Draco mudiliar chapter 31 . 3/10/2013
that was very interesting fic...I enjoyed totally...
| Draco mudiliar chapter 27 . 3/9/2013
then who ever wanted to join OTP and get high pay then they have to just get AKed by the Deatheaters?
there is no requirment to join it?
| Draco mudiliar chapter 17 . 3/9/2013
by showing off aren't they letting out their powers to voldy?
| Draco mudiliar chapter 15 . 3/9/2013
oh I want to see Harry and Sphinx paired more then Ivy (as the story is going by)
| Draco mudiliar chapter 8 . 3/9/2013
Harry is quit big hearted..if I was there I could have never accepted this family maybe the kids but not the adults..they are quit happy without borthering about harry and even having more kids but poor harry suffered so much when he was small atleast they could have helped him in different way...I do'nt like them...Lily could'nt even remember Harry is going to come home...atleast James gave a better welcome
| Draco mudiliar chapter 7 . 3/9/2013
that was really really oddest disguise I have ever read...hahaa..one eye silver and one eye gold that was too much to take hahaaa
| Draco mudiliar chapter 6 . 3/9/2013
wow that was very interesting fic