|Reviews for Mechanic Girl|
| stuka529 chapter 1 . 12/19/2015
Wow. This is pretty cool. Suddenly, a lot of things have started making more sense.
| DarkEcoFreak chapter 1 . 12/25/2012
Wow that was kinda weird. But cool! You should've continued it to where they find Keira.
| ch3nya chapter 1 . 4/15/2012
Ok... umm... damn... your story blew my fuckin mind and now I'm confusing myself and holy shit just damn I don't even know wow that was fuckin amazing
| The Konfessionist chapter 1 . 7/28/2011
This was just... .GOD. (Or is that Oh. My. Precursor.? YOU TELL ME! xD)
I haven't seen a lot of fanfics written about Keira (I guess because she doesn't have a whole lot going on in Jak 2, so people feel intimidated to write about something they don't have a lot of knowledge about...)
But- but YOU! Oh my God, YOU, are not afraid! Are you?
The way you wrote it up in a nice little package of a journal for Tess and the others is what made it a lot more interesting for me. Only after she's gone is when the chaos begins to have a fucking field day D:
Back to the story! (And away from my ramblings...)
The detail you used for how she blacked out, being told that certain parts were stolen and these parts had her bewildered, but the reader going "OH SHIT!". Then how she had those little pieces of memory come back to her, she KNEW she had brought life back to Erol unwillingly, and then the part about "scraping him up with her fingernails" was...FRICK! I didn't get chills, but my stomach lurched for a second D:! I could like, FEEL, the bile rising in the back of my throat (I must admit, I am the type of reader where it is VERY difficult to give me any sort of emotions when explaining something sad or upsetting, but giving me a PHYSICAL rise? Bravo. Just, BRAVO!)
I LOVED all of Keira's talk about mechanical parts and whatnot D: It was SO believable! It takes great talent to write something like that, whether you made it up or if they're real parts, (I don't know, I'm not a mech. whiz!) was mesmerizing! I couldn't get over her mechy talk, lol ._.'
All in all, I have NO complaints about this, WHATSOEVER!
Well, except for the title... (It's not so much as a complaint, but a suggestion I guess?)
The first thing I look at is the title of a story; if it does not have the power alone to draw me in, I won't even DARE look at the summary, therefore, I'll keep scrolling down the page to find something better. BUT! I figured it was a reference to Keira, and I was in the mood for something Keira-like, so! I read it. (I'M SURE GLAD I DID!)
Anyways, I hope there's some sort of sequel to this (I haven't checked your page yet, but I will momentarily!) Where they find Keira and try to get more information out of her, along with explanations! (Or something...)
| RenjiLuvah chapter 1 . 2/2/2011
Wow. I was actually referred to this fic by Varethane on the awesom LJ comm CAPSLOCK_JAK. I have to say, this is the first time I've ever read anything where Keira's gadgetry talk was actually written and sounded believable. I mean, half of what she said in this one shot, I didn't know what she was talking about, but it took me back to playing the Jak games, where she ranted on about XYZ about her creations and everyone just nodded but she was so pumped with every word. I really, REALLY adore how you wrote her in this fic.
Also, I really like your theory for the giant plot hole of wtf happened to Keira in the years Jak and co. were gone. The chip in her head and then connecting it all to how Erol was revived in Jak 3, it was a twist I was NOT expecting but in a good way. I really like that irony. That irony made this fic. My only critique is the awkward spacing in places and a couple of commas or small grammar issues. Nothing to shout about. I definitely didn't read this cringing. And also, the cliffie! SOoOoooO did not give me any closure because now it feels so unresolved. How does everyone react to her in person, the girl who was responsible for their misery in Jak 3? I want to know lol!
Anyhow, this was a great read. I'm glad that I was given the link. Instant fave.
| answertalker chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
lol that was pretty good.
| V-departed chapter 1 . 12/4/2010
Nice one. Erol is such a scum-bag. I wonder what happens to Keira though...
| Darke Eco Freak chapter 1 . 7/8/2010
Oh my God! That was amazing and totally believable, I can't imagine how long it would have took to write something so elaborate but you most definitely killed it, wonderful story.
| Inkbl0t chapter 1 . 2/10/2010
That was pretty damn good. Her character was rounded, canon, and believable. Damn good writing, yo. Fo' shizz.
| Filljigahasdfawitt chapter 1 . 10/3/2009
I kind of love this.
Seriously, I don't know how I've never seen any of your work before. All the tech-babble about the zoomers made me so happy because I love tech-babble. And it just makes so much sense and you make me actually like Keira and I'm rambling now.
EXCELLENT job; I'm going to hound your other work to see what I've missed.
| bufudyne chapter 1 . 2/20/2009
WOW this story is AMAZING! I don't even know where to begin, everything about it is just so good. I love the way you wrote it, how you mixed the past and present and...I don't really know how to say it, it was just really satisfying to read. Keira's my favorite, and this story made me love her even more!
And Erol's chip? So creepy... D: I love it!
| Wolfykhjak chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
Wow. 0_o Just, WOW.
| Kain-Pathos-Crow chapter 1 . 6/3/2008
I really like this story. Not only did you manage to get inside the character's head (literally even), but you even managed to get that ending laced with slightest hint of dread, and that I truly believe is awesome. I love your stories and do hope that you continue.
| Aqua-taco chapter 1 . 12/1/2007
I... wha... I jus... Wow.
By far the best oneshot I've ever read. Ever. Any fandom. My God, you've done it perfectly.
I've always thought about Keira's life before Jak's escape from prison, and your little fic here completely blows away anything I could've thought. And you seemed to have fit all this interesting detail in a way that wasn't boring or tedious to read.
I have a terribly short attention span while on the internet, and I can't stay on one page for more than five-minutes without breaks. But, you know what? I sat and read this entire thing in one sitting. And I loved every minute of it. It was regretful and emotional, and a little angsty, and it managed to somehow not be ooc or corny.
And... you totally captured Erol. Like, you set a little bear-trap with some bait and CAPTURED HIM! All of him! erol is a very hard character to write about, you know? Some people make him too evil, or not evil enough, or the wrong kind of evil, and it all seems fine, but off at the same time. Yet here you have him and I can actually imagine the Erol we see in the games acting like this.
You could even pull off throwing non-canon things in there, like Erol's missing hand, and made it work. The little bit of awkwardness Keira feels around Erol is so believable...
(One teensy bit of critique, though. Or inconsistency, maybe: I think jetboards already existed in Haven City, because I specifically remember the Baron announcing on his speakers that jetboards were to be banned...)
| GreyJedi chapter 1 . 9/7/2007
Wow, that was an interesting way to come up with the creation of Cyber Errol. Though I must say, I'm confused about one thing, did Erol honestly care about her? I'd like to think that he did, but it's hard to tell.
Very original, good job!