|Reviews for A Pirate at heart|
| Sassytore chapter 30 . 4/18/2013
Hey there. I am doing this thing where whenever I read a fic, I always leave a good, long review because I think everyone deserves them and it's always nice to get them. Okay, so some feedback.
Things I liked:
1. My fave chap was the one where Jack and Elizabeth were getting hot below deck with James watching.
2. This fic was very pleasing to my evil shipper side that wanted other people to be jealous and appalled by Jack and Elizabeth's relationship- thanks for that.
3. Congrats, this is one of the few long fics that I've read all the way through and enjoyed, for the most part.
4. My fave line was when Jack told Elizabeth that "she couldn't handle it" when she was all like, "Do your worst." Very 'in character', I like it.
5. The plot line was very unique and interesting.
Things that I think needs improvement:
1. So, this fic was near perfect until it reached chapter 29. Elizabeth's pain and attempt at suicide was so out of place, so out of character, and overall odd. It was like one second she was the Elizabeth Swann (btw swann is with two n's) that I knew and loved from the movies and the beginning of this fic, and then next thing I know, she's a suicidal woman. I feel like this situation wasn't set up well and it felt a little forced. It was so out of character that it ruined the "tragic effect" that I think you were trying to give it. It also happened way too quickly. Like "BAM knife through the heart, no second thought, and BAM suddenly really depressed and hating myself." (Which is not what I believe Elizabeth would do.)
So, what I think you can do to fix this is that instead of having Elizabeth hate herself so much that she spontaneously commits suicide, have her be killed, stabbed by some drunken pirate stumbling on deck, or have someone hate her and do it. That way, you can still have this interesting ending with Jack discovering Elizabeth dying, but it would make it that much more believable; henceforth, making the ending more heart wrenching.
2. If you just briefly go through with a fine comb and edit for these nit picky mistakes, that might make the fic more appealing: tense switching, awkward word choices, cliche phrases, confusing sentence structure, over used words, unnecessary points (example, Governor Swann watching through the eye hole or something, that was confusing, and I found myself brushing it off, even though it was unclear and confusing), and awkwardly repeating words.
(I'm really not trying to be rude or anything like that.)
I hope you will consider my opinion on your fic and I hope that my advice may come in handy for you. I am a creative writing major, so I am not "unqualified" at giving this advice.
Once again, very interesting and appealing fic. Thank you for writing and keep it up!
| I 3 CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow chapter 1 . 1/8/2012
Wow I loved the twist on the ending! It's unique, and I liked the difference.
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 30 . 2/12/2010
wow such a sad ending loved it nearly cried
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 20 . 2/12/2010
I love this story CJN was realy in charichter but lizzie wasnt. This was ment to be post AWE when shes pirate king so she wouldnt be suprised to find herself a pirate apart from that great chapter
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 19 . 2/12/2010
ARGH GWS and CJN ruind evrything loved this chapter lizzie and jack where realy in charichter
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 17 . 2/12/2010
luved this chapter so glad the sparrabeth has started
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 16 . 2/12/2010
YAY a sparrabeth kiss at last love this fic
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 15 . 2/12/2010
love this fuc nuff sed
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 14 . 2/12/2010
poor jack GWS was realy in charichter this chapter love this fic
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 13 . 2/12/2010
oh what does GS want most the suspence is killing me jack is realy in charichter in this chapter loved it
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 12 . 2/12/2010
oh i can smell the sparrabeth Govonor Swann is a tad OOC but a part from that i luved this chapter
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 11 . 2/12/2010
ooh lizzier ealy is a pirate that was the cliffy from hell
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 10 . 2/12/2010
great i love jacks crazy plans
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 9 . 2/12/2010
briliant. sory i 4got to review last chap loving this fic
| Y-C-H-3000 chapter 5 . 2/12/2010
I can smell the sparrabeth getting closer love this fic