Reviews for Trigger
venusmelody chapter 1 . 11/8/2011
Oh, I don't know, I liked the Squall/Rinoa parts ;)

All right, to be honest, I don't have much to say in the constructive criticism department. I simply can't find anything I would change that would in any way improve this magnificent story, and I enjoyed this piece thoroughly enough to read it multiple times. On the first day.

My first compliment has to go to your ease of storytelling and flow. At no point did I stop to consciously think of word choice (as in, how well it fit) or sheer structure. Instead, once we got to that section before the first interlude, I was reading as quickly as I could to find out as much as possible, already immersed in the world you were drawing. Kudos to you for the plot that is, on the surface, admittedly uncomplicated, but pulled off with such tight, deft pacing. Brilliantly executed. I will agree with your note, though: it was actually clear who the "villain" was by approximately halfway through the story. In my opinion, it did not in any way detract from Trigger, because instead, we got a strong buildup of... dramatic irony? Suspense and apprehension? Feelings along those lines, anyway.

The emotional journey is intense and entirely, perfectly integrated into the narrative. What can I say? Only that it's just as well-paced as the physical plot-lines, and do just as good a job of showcasing the dark side of the Garden in full view, and the last line brings it to exactly the right close.

As to the structure/word choice/etc, I can't really add much except to say that I'm in awe of it. The best sort of structures should do their work without being overtly noticeable, and this is it. Your prose is wonderfully matter-of-fact but descriptive, and you have integrated it with Squall's narrative voice to create an intense, expectant atmosphere that simply contributes to the feeling of the entire story. My favourite section is actually the very beginning, following the Garden precepts, and the report-like description of Squall. "He has killed forty-three people" is extremely jarring, in just the right ways, and upon rereading, I can appreciate just how much it heralds the dark side of the garden theme that will continue.

Speaking of Squall's voice, his narrative vs. the 'villains' is something else I really enjoyed, specifically, the instability and emotion of the sniper's vs. Squall's coherent, more conventional structure, and how one becomes the other in the end. The different contrasts you pull up (sniper vs squall, squall vs zell, squall vs Rinoa) all highlight their characters exquisitely. I did find the very, very last few lines rather interesting, though,, given that the rest of the story was in very intense, involved POV. Was the distant narrator POV an extension of the report-like initial introduction of Squall? Otherwise, it seemed slightly out of place.

I can't add anything to the characters except that voices were all themselves, as they changed after the... events. Squall's narrative voice, I have to say again, was sort of perfect, with his initial distant, sarcastic humour, and then the turn to horror, and everything that comes after.

I think the one note I can make is that ffnet doesn't seem to be accepting the html coding right now (so one of the ictalisized words appear like "i this /i"), but I think that's only one instance.
Clement Rage chapter 1 . 12/5/2010
I really don't have the words to describe this... All the characters are professional assassins, and hence suitably fucked I'm speechless, really
Malkon05 chapter 1 . 8/30/2010
That story was good, I'm a little confused as to why the sniper chose to do what they did...was it out of hatred? confusion? craziness?

Otherwise I thought you did a commendable job and you are one helluva writer. If you have time please take a second or two to look at my fic _
FrankIeroRules chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
This story was absolutely amazing. Seriously, the concept-thingy was awesome, and you wrote it so well, I really loved reading it. Nice work! :)
Easily Forgotten chapter 1 . 7/24/2009
Oh God...

I really can't say anything else. I'm trying to, but the words just aren't coming. It was brilliant and disturbing, but oh so very amazing. It stopped me in my tracks and had me yelling at anyone who hindered my reading.

(Though I do have to admit that the disguise for the identities was very thin)

Incredible. Amazing. Well done.
angel-kamui chapter 1 . 11/5/2008
Third fanfic from you that I reviewed. I must say, you have an excellent way of writing. I just couldn't stop reading. It actually didn't take me as a surprise who the sniper was (and respecting your wishes, I'm not going to say) from the very beginning that it was mentioned. Anyway, even so, I found your story quite intriguing and good. Well done! _
Eladamri-Lord-of-Leaves chapter 1 . 6/24/2008
Brilliant - sheer brilliance! I love it, its just amazing. You're writing style is just...WOW!

~Aziza Khepri
Against Everything chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
So this was the fic that started the whole SeeD-is-evil line of fics, huh? So far, this is only the second one I've read (the first beng "Devotion"), but I can already see some of the style devices that you use a lot and make your fics so interesting. I really enjoy the way you do stream-of-consciousness type scenes, for example. Genius. By the way, does Xu die in *every* fic you write?


-Against Everything
harrypotterperson chapter 1 . 8/8/2007
after reading a couple of your others stories, i didnt' think this could get any better - thought i was in for a good read like the others but this was flawlessly excuted and perfectly planned. absolutely brilliant. you are an amazing writer.
gietzeng chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
Completely superb. I love reading (and writing!) about Garden's seedy underbelly, so this was a treat.
irishais chapter 1 . 6/3/2007
That was absolutely brilliant, incredible, amazing, breathtaking, and oh, dear goodness, I'm running out of adjectives.


Trelweny chapter 1 . 5/29/2007
Wow. All I can say is Wow. Gripping story. Gripping storytelling. Personally, I prefer to avoid the darker stories, but I was captivated, needing to find out what happened... what would happen.

Critique wise - it was often very difficult (even at the end) to figure out some things that had happened or were dreams and who was the key person at the time. I know most of that through the greater part of the story was intentional, but a bit more clear-cut ends at the finis would have been nice. Not necessary, just nice.

Thanks for an envigourating read. I'm still shaking.
DarkroseTiger chapter 1 . 7/22/2006

I can't exactly say I liked it, because "like" feels completely inappropriate for this fic. But I read this and "Devotion" from you earlier, and what I can say that you deal with the dark side of the game better than anyone I've read. It's easy to forget when you're playing through the game that except for Rinoa, the PCs are all a bunch of teenage sociopaths, trained to kill without compunction or remorse.

My heart ached for Irvine, because I love him so. I did figure out early on that he was the sniper, just because the first interlude telegraphs it. Irvine is a good choice, not just because he has the skill, but because he's the only one of the orphanage crew who ever questions what they're doing. It seems entirely appropriate that he'd be the first one of them to crack. Horrifying and painful and all too real. Brilliant stuff.
Syciara-Lynx chapter 1 . 7/13/2006
Great story...kinda creepy though. I wasn't entirely sure who the sniper was but I had an idea. oh well, this one really had a 'make me cry' kinda thing going for it great job though _
Vahkhiin chapter 1 . 6/11/2006
wow! This story is just wow! It really plays with a readers mind. Very artistical and well done! Each word, added more suspence to the next. It kept me reading and never wanting to stop. The story was so realistic, almost as though as if it were a movie that i was watching.

Well done!

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