|Reviews for The Last Resort|
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/25/2013
Some of your clause structures were awkward ("I buried my head in my hands, ran my fingers through my hair.") There are some obvious tense shifts, most noticeably in the fourth paragraph. Also, the title drop ("The final ending, the last resort. ") and mentions of God were kind of heavy-handed.
That said, the occasional obscenity added immediacy without being crude ("John's brain was splattered all over the side of the fucking road.") and you do an excellent job of getting inside the character's head. The colloquial discourse felt particularly real ("Good old Somerset. He knew everything, didn't he?").
| kamizon chapter 1 . 9/24/2013
Trying to put such a strong emotion as loss(or regret) in under 700 words is probably the only thing I did not like about this story. I'm an amateur writer, but an avid reader. In my opinion, more words would have given the story more life.
I won't take away the fact that this fic has great potential. If only it were written properly.
| zanganito chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
I remember watching Se7en once, and I like what you’ve done here with a sort of follow-up to the ending. The movie was very disturbing, so I like that you’ve shown the aftermath of what the main character had to go through.
You had a good opening sentence, which made me want to keep on reading to find out why the main character was inside the interrogation booth. Because you used the first person POV, I wasn’t sure which character was the main one at first, (but figured it out after the line “paperwork was all that’s left to sort out now that John's brain was splattered all over the side of the fucking road” but I think it works very well for this story, and lets the reader see how he’s feeling. I also like how there’s this disconnect between what’s happening to him – he’s just “paperwork”, and how he feels. It really shows his frustration with the world around him.
SPAG: I noticed you have a tendency to tense switch, but it really didn’t distract from the story too much.
/paperwork was all that’s left/ (“was” is past tense, while “that’s (that is)” is present tense. Since both verbs take place in the same time frame and in the same sentence, they both need to both be in the same tense - either in past or present tense, otherwise it can be a little confusing for some readers.)
The ending was sad, but made sense. Nice work.
| MissScorp chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
I've seen Se7en, and thought it was a fantastic psychological thriller. John Doe takes the Seven Deadly Sins and paints them in a twisted and way, until the end, when he turns Mills into the embodiment of 'Wrath' by revealing that he has murdered his wife Tracy, who was pregnant with their child. I love that you put that connection in here with the end line- I was so easily able to flashback to that final scene and to make the connections between all the characters by just that very small detail. And I absolutely love the dark, emotionally driven aspect that you capture in this introspective piece. You completely nail the mind frame of the character Mills, who has been literally driven to hell and back by the actions of John Doe. Everything that John Doe has done has led Mills to this moment, to this final culmination of questioning and doubt. There is no return to his life-his life has been taken from him. So Mills decides to do the only thing that he can think of: end his life. It's the final act of a desperate, psychological damaged and traumatized man. Very awesome job!
| Ersatz Einstein chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
The tense shifts (present-past) were distracting, but you maintained the tone and the tension well. The expletives were well-placed. It's hard to go overboard with those, but you didn't.
| starlight.moon.princess chapter 1 . 9/23/2013
WARNING: I'm going in completely fandom blind here :)
Right off the bat, the first thing that caught my attention was the way you began this fic, with [I-I]
You captured my attention immediately with that - I knew that there was something going on with that line, and i was definitely drawn into the story.
I love the way you've written the the narrator's thoughts here. i definitely got a sense of his utter exhaustion with life, and his decision to give up everything.
Again, I don't know the background for this fic, but I also really get the man's desperation to be with his wife again. The love he feels for her came through beautifully, so that was lovely :)
[We vowed to be together until death did us part, yet promised to love each other through eternity.]
This line was gorgeous, just thought I'd drop that note as I leave :)
This was lovely, even for someone as clueless about the background as me.
Well done! :)
| IrishPanther chapter 1 . 8/25/2013
Never seen Seven, but apart from that, this story seemed easy enough to follow.
First off, nice work grabbing my attention in the small opening (and yes, I'm referring to the "I-I"); this already has a feeling of 'something isn't right, and something is bound to happen.' As I read further into the story, it appeared that something did happen (the protagonist killed John) and will lead to something happening.
Again, I haven't seen the movie, so I'm not sure if the protagonist uses profanity; either way, nice incisions. He has all of these emotions bottled up inside of him because he killed John, and Tracy is gone from him. It's definitely in-character for someone to act this way if they were put into this same scenario (feeling angry/depressed/anxious/etc.).
The ending was done brilliantly! He ends up taking his own life to keep his promise to love Tracy through eternity (and kind-of patched up the 'being together' promise if you think about it). Either way, you did an excellent job with capping off what the protagonist planned to do all along!
In terms of SPAG, no mistakes were spotted, so nice work with that! Once again, I loved reading this lovely written one-shot! Happy writings to you! :)
| TheFictionFairy chapter 1 . 8/23/2013
Right from the start, I can really appreciate the tone of the fic. The short, to-the-point sentences seem emotionally detached to the point of seeming almost clinical, but that works splendidly for someone who has just experienced severe emotional trauma and is probably still in shock. The matter-of-fact descriptions also fit very well with someone who has shut down their emotions, and is reverting to an almost professional-sounding mindset in order to cope with their experience. At the same time, the sardonic voice manages to slip through and keep the narration grounded in Mills’ characterization (“splattered all over the side of the fucking road” was jarring, but a great touch to briefly break from the detached tone and shake up the reader).
I like that, after that huge, emotionally-charged scene on the side of the road (insert cheesy “what’s in the box” meme here), we get to see the other side of his reaction. Being able to witness his thought process as he reasons through his possible futures is great, especially when he comes to the idea of moving on from her. The fact that it’s THAT idea, specifically, that seems to seal his fate – not prison, but disrespecting her memory by eventually finding someone else – is heartbreaking.
The one thing that I do have a bit of trouble with is the fact that the story doesn’t deal with why Mills was allowed to keep a gun on his person. Even if no one knew about it, wouldn’t they have checked him for weapons when they arrested him for killing John Doe? The narration is gripping enough to keep me going with it while I was reading, but this discrepancy did give me pause in hindsight.
The hints about Somerset are wonderful, seeing as he exists as a distant presence in the story wise enough to see the outcome, but cynical enough to not be surprised by it/passively allow it to happen. It fits very well with his characterization in the movie. Overall, an excellent character piece.
| SunnyStorms chapter 1 . 7/20/2013
One thing I always look for with first person POV stories is a strong, consistent voice for the narrator, and you definitely have that here. I haven't seen the film, but nonetheless, in this short piece I still got a good sense for the character's personality and outlook on the world. His sarcasm and bluntness with which he's narrating his thoughts and reflecting on what seemed to have been rather traumatic events caught my interest right away.
/So this is in your memory./ - I loved how you led up to this line and then set it apart for emphasis. It's a turning point in this short fic from reflections to action.
/I hope God's in a good mood today./ -Another line that stuck out to me which further captured a sense of who he was as a person.
My only suggestion for this piece is that at times you slipped back into past tense for things that don't need to be when overall you're trying to keep it in the present. Sudden verb changes are one of those things that really jars me as a reader.
Overall, nice choice of details and phrasing to showcase strong and effective characterization in this piece. We got a good sense for his state of mind and his regard for Tracy that ends this little fic on a very bittersweet note.
| StrawberryDuckFeathers chapter 1 . 7/15/2013
This film was part of my Film Studies exam, and I loved it! :D I'm glad you've written this; I was wondering if there would be any fanfic for it just now. :D
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Wow, already, by the first paragraph the way you word it sounds so much like Mills did, seeming rather vengeful and hostile, and with a ton of swears thrown in, very much like his dialogue in the film- and I bet in that kind of situation stuck in jail with nothing left, that feeling would just be even more strong. I also love how you've given him somewhat of a sarcastic tone in [You know, sort out the paperwork.] Your characterisation of him is amazing. :D :D
I loved the next part of this story as well! I thought the best line was: [emptied of any traces of regret], since that perfectly matched just how he felt at the time in which he'd shot John Doe- and ever since then, I can imagine that he feels free of any sort of emotion, rather like you've said in this story. Excellent. :D
Once again, there's a line that really stuck out for me: [Nothing that happened could possibly take anything more away from me. ] That line summed up his thoughts so well, and I really like how you've shown Mills's distress and his downfall here, since it's like he's hit some sort of an event horizon in his life. There seems to be an idea that he's glad he killed John, but judging from the piece's tone, it seems that he doesn't feel as if he got that much satisfaction out of it; his wife is still dead, after all. :(
[ So this is in your memory. ] This line hit me; it was so dramatic, and the way it used some of the words from what he'd previously sad made it even more powerful- and even gave me an idea of what he was going to do next.
I love the repetition of 'dead' when he talks about all of those deaths, and what he says afterwards was something else that really satuck out to me: [I guess there's only one left now, isn't there?]
I like how, even though he disagreed with John Doe thinking he was like God or Jesus (what with the 'You're no Messiah' line from the film) I like how you've still kept the 'God' part in, as if he isn't put off the idea of God now that Doe is dead.
(Your smiling face will be the last thing I see.) This line really made me feel emotional on the inside, as if he wished to die with a live Tracy, but he just has to go with what's second best now- a photograph. I felt the same about this line: (I'll see you soon, Tracy.)
I honestly thought that Mills was going to shoot himself in the ending of the film, so I love this idea for a story! Brilliant work!
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Here is my critique/ suggestions for you. I hope they are helpful to you, and if you'd like me to clarify anything, just ask. :)
. There were a few tense inconsistencies in this piece, but I feel it may be stronger if you made the entire piece in present tense, giving it a more tense feel, as if he's about to kill himself right now. :)
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Amazing job! The characterisation was fantastic, as was the flow of the prose and the psychological side of it. Keep up the good work! :D
| ReadingBlueWolf chapter 1 . 7/8/2013
I feel a sense of almost sarcasm as this begins and I’m immediately drawn into the story and excited to see where it leads. The blunt way John’s death is described is a really nice detail in this because it’s just plain and simple. I like the bit of despair thrown in when it’s stated they don’t care about what happens next that leads into how emotionally they got there. Oh wow. I wasn’t expecting that kind of ending. I really liked that. My favorite line was “I hope God’s in a good mood today.” That was really awesome. Nice job.
| Madam'zelleG chapter 1 . 7/6/2013
Just a brief disclaimer that I'm going into this one completely fandom blind. :)
I was really intrigued by your lead in, and I loved the way that it showed us a perfect picture of his situation. Not only that, but it also firmly established the main character, and I was quite interested to see what in the world had happened, and what had led to this accident.
"Paperwork was all there..." A bit nitpicky, but I do feel like this line might be better done in the present tense, since the rest of the fic is written that way. Just a thought.
The emotion really runs high throughout the entire piece, and I found myself really caring for the character, even though I didn't know much about him. You portrayed him in a fascinating way, because he's very accessible to us. I was especially struck by the line about how he hoped that God was in a good mood. There's a lot in this piece, and I really loved what you did here. It was interesting that you ended it almost as if it was a letter... the fact that it could have multiple interpretations in that way was really well done, and an excellent example of your work.
Really well done! Good luck on your future projects!
| Edhla chapter 1 . 7/5/2013
Wow, this is super grim and very well written (both of which I already imagine you know :)) Oddly enough, I never considered the idea that he'd commit suicide- his rage to me seemed so focused on outward destruction rather than inward destruction, and is just another example of how different people see different subject matter (it's also been a while since I've seen the film.)
"His grand cry"... really liked this; it's unusual and brings your prose up to extraordinary.
"Keep the latter..." I'm a bit confused about the word "keep" here; perhaps if you're thinking of reworking this you could consider making that sentence a bit stronger.
Speaking of strong, I like your terse ending and really enjoyed this. Thanks for writing x
| Lady Paprika chapter 1 . 3/23/2013
Yikes, it's been a very long time since I've watched Se7en, but I'm still familiar with what happened. This short piece though, pretty much shows what David went through when he learns her head is in the box.
What I found interesting was how he represented "Wrath" in the film (I think? Because he shot Doe out of anger) yet here, there is no anger. He says he is emotionless, but he is clearly distraught, driven to madness through Tracy's death. From what I remember, he was always irritable and quick in the film, but here he seems more lethargic.
The last couple of lines really tie this in together nicely. Overall, great job and I wish you luck in your future endeavors :)
| demonturtle chapter 1 . 3/22/2013
That was very depressing, but since I just watched Seven the other day I can understand where the character is coming from. I think you captured his character well and we can see and relate to his grief in this, somehwat since I hope this never actually happens to someone, with him just losing his wife to a psycho killer. If the movie gave us an ending after what he's done, I think this would be it. There's no turning back for him and you captured it perfectly. Thank you for the wonderful fic on the inside of his mind after all the crap he's just been put through.