|Reviews for New Perspective Evangelion|
| E for Emma chapter 5 . 8/5/2007
HAHAHAH I love the Lost references! John Locke is the CEO of Oceanic? ;)
Poor Noriko, though, dealing with the life transplant...
| DarklightZERO chapter 4 . 8/4/2007
I wonder why people get put into girls bodys for Evangelion self insert storys, I have read three (including this one) already and only one story that the person says a man. Anyways!
Good story, I wonder if you are going to end up in a situation where Asuka is trying to force you into a girly outfit when you don't really want to.
I wonder if the rest the the Evangelion 'crew' are going to find out that you where once a man.
I better add that I have not read your first story, depending on your update speed I will consider to read it or not. But don't let that worry you, I don't care how long it takes to update as long as the chapter is good.
Well Until next time, Farewell!
(adds story to story alert list)
| jcmoorehead chapter 4 . 7/1/2007
Good chapter there, nice to see some progression and a bit more insight into the daily life of everyone. Interesting reaction to Misatos cooking, personally I can't stand curry anyway so I'd have ran a mile regardless of reputation.
Looking forward to seeing more though, keep up the good work.
| Himonky chapter 4 . 6/30/2007
That scene had me rofling like there was no tomorrow. Both when you wrote it and in this post. That's insanely good humor. The update is worth that alone.
The fight also shows a lot about Shinji, Asuka and Misato. Shinji isn't "a ball of angst huddling in the corner", as you put it. He can stand up for himself, like most teenagers do, and does so. How you change him into the the ball of angst we expect to see in later chapters should be interesting.
Asuka gets off on a somewhat cruel joke...or is it? The insults were hilarious, and in the end she got real annoyed by Misato picking sides. Maybe Noriko could mention something about how Shinji actually needs Misato's help, because Asuka is strong enough to not need it. The part about how to get her to shut up was hilarious.
Why is she afraid of Kaji? Should be interesting to find out.
Great setup for the next chapter. Tokyo-2 will most certainly be interesting, to find out how different it is from Tokyo-3 and to see what you have in store for the shopping.
Overall: Good chapter. I think the smaller size (poor Shinji) made it a little bit easier to read. You might go for this in future chapters. Highly recommended, as usual.
EvS-wait...don't need that. :p
| Generator X chapter 3 . 5/14/2007
I love you're story “New Perspective Evangelion” V1/V2
When are you going to post part 4?
and I think it mite be cool if you made a side story to New Perspective told in the third person.
You know, what are the other Characters doing? thinking? When all this is going on?
| Saddletank chapter 3 . 4/24/2007
This is a big improvement over your earlier story, your style and skill has got noticeably better, it’s just an all round more polished creation. In your earlier work your character accepted being a 14 year old girl far too easily, The shock of changing from a 20 YO male to a 14 YO female would likely be enough to send many people mad. But given that that would be a pretty dull fanfic there are usually three routes you can take with that:
1) The pervy route where the 20 YO male is amazed and delighted with having a 14 YO female body to play with. Loads of fiction has been written like this (Robert Heinlein himself was guilty of it) and reading yet another of those would be boring.
2) What I call the misogynist approach where the male just can’t handle a female body and rejects it, and thereafter struggles mentally with the concept over a long time. Given that this is a fanfic and not a psychology paper about the identity of the self you’re wise to avoid that. Although it would make an interesting piece of fiction, ff dot net isn’t the place for it.
3) The middle ground, which is what you have taken. Bits of eager fascination, bits of confusion, bits of struggling with a former identity. That works well. I would rather see more of this, more struggles and confusion and minor embarrassing moments (like the toilets) just because it’s fun and it reminds the reader of the difficult situation Noriko is in.
Please don’t let your character get comfortable with being in a girls body too soon. Milk the joke for all it’s worth, it’ll make her more believable as a character as well.
Be careful with the language. In my fics where people went to foreign countries I used several tricks: 1) a lot of foreign language was used (in small chunks) and I simply let the reader translate it himself. I didn’t hold his hand at all, I let him get on with it, and assumed he was intelligent enough to do so. I take the stance that I think my work is worth reading (otherwise I wouldn’t be doing it) and that being so, if my readers also think so then they’ll have the patience to fire up a web based translation site and translate the foreign stuff. If they can’t be arsed to do that then they’re not the sort of readers I need anyway. 2) I helped my characters by having a second character assist in the translation. 3) I had one of my main characters teach themselves the language as they went along. 4) The foreigners spoke some English which the Japanese couple knew enough of to get by. English is a universal language and most Japanese today know some. By 2015 I would think it is spoken by almost all average Japanese to the extent where a simple conversation is possible. I can’t imagine a senior officer like Misato not knowing English given the international status and global importance of NERV. Ayanami could easily speak English if NERV wanted her to: Ritsuko could have simply ‘plugged it in’ as a sort of software upgrade when Rei 2 was created. If Rei 3 were not to have that upgrade that would introduce a nice plot tension.
But whatever you do with the language problem – stay faithful to it, don’t have everyone slip into English text too soon. Remind the reader that the language barrier is there by dropping hints from time to time – even much later on in chapter 20 or so, it should still catch Noriko out now and again.
Finally I think your previous beginning in the rainy train station with Ayanami was a better opening. The reader knew why things were happening and it gave Noriko a reason for not knowing any Japanese *and* being able to speak English. In this story I don’t understand why a Japanese girl comes out of a coma speaking only English – can you explain that please? In this version of the story, the reader is floundering a little through lack of knowledge. I think I trust you to have a plot reason for that, its just that at the moment I can’t see one.
Lastly I would like to see you drop a hint or two that the people Noriko is interacting with are real living human Japanese people. They aren’t anime or manga characters. Some comment on the lack of huge eyes would be funny and you could get some humorous scenes out of this. I imagine a 14 year old Asuka and Rei are not so large breasted as Anno drew them for example but are more normal sized for 14 year old girls. Personally I think Misato’s hair is black and the purple we see in the anime is an artistic way to depict shiny black hair. In Ghibli’s “Kiki’s Delivery Service” the girl wears an obviously purple-coloured dress but we know that in fact it’s black because her mother says so. You can drop in a few interesting twists like this and still stay within canon (ugh, I hate that word).
But so far, excellent, just remember at all times: *girl*, *language barrier* and keep the people from the series *in character* (which I trust you to anyway).
| Passe on an Angel chapter 3 . 4/12/2007
Hey! You updated! Still a fan, still love it.
| Himonky chapter 3 . 4/1/2007
Enjoyed this chapter quite a bit. You kept it light in certain aspects, but full of tension in others.
The ending scene was a very nice touch. Your climax, perhaps? I found it funny in the way a guy would look at speaking about aspects of that conversation, but still serious enough from Asuka's perspective. Enjoyed that a lot.
Tension was really thick during the activation test. I don't know if it was your writing or the first person, but you pulled that off very well. Keep it coming.
Thanks for the kudos, although I don't know how much I really managed to help. Keep the chapters coming, the pace is fine.
| jcmoorehead chapter 3 . 3/29/2007
Very nice chapter there, Noriko's thoughts and fears on piloting the Eva were very interesting to see. I know if I was in the situation Bardiel or it going Berserker would definately be at the front of my mind despite what others say.
Conversation with Asuka, teaching Noriko how to put a bra on was humorous and it's good to see their friendship developing slightly. Asuka seems pretty much in character, can't really say much about the others considering they haven't had much to do yet as Noriko can't understand them.
Looking forward to the next one.
| orangejuche chapter 3 . 3/28/2007
Good chapter, Seems Noriko was genuinely freaked out by the thought of Bardiel invading her through EVA, the panic rat was a nice addition, kudos to Mr. King on that one. You really fleshed out the sensations of an activating EVA a lot better than pretty much any other person who writes EVA fanfiction. Now I must go back and read the corresponding chapters of the original to see the obviously massive improvements you made.
| slimjim27 chapter 2 . 3/21/2007
please update soon?
| Himonky chapter 2 . 2/6/2007
Great fic you've got going here. I'm definately going to have to take a look at the old one. Its definately changed my outlook on SI fics, even this early on. The first person and the fact that Noriko is a literal you, as opposed to some attempt at a cover up, makes this very good. You've also got a great eye for details. Thoughts, too, are expressed very nicely.
'Gainax effect'. Lol.
Everyone seemed in character to me. I suppose we'll get a better judgment of this as Noriko improves on her speaking (she has to be able to talk to Shinji and others eventually . . . right?). You've also made a very good snapshot of a night in the Katsuragi household.
Favorited and I can't wait for more.
| reviewer45 chapter 2 . 1/31/2007
Good twist, has Asuka more in character (less patient). An improvement.
| reviewer45 chapter 1 . 1/31/2007
A rewrite. This might have promise or it might not. Thus far, I'm leaning to the former. Good Luck.
| Gigi8-1978 chapter 2 . 1/29/2007
I am an idiot... I forgot to put this fiction on the favourite and on the alert list and I almost missed this chapter. I had obviously abandoned the head on the cushion because this is a real improvement on the first version.
Keep up the good work.