Good chapter, Seems Noriko was genuinely freaked out by the thought of Bardiel invading her through EVA, the panic rat was a nice addition, kudos to Mr. King on that one. You really fleshed out the sensations of an activating EVA a lot better than pretty much any other person who writes EVA fanfiction. Now I must go back and read the corresponding chapters of the original to see the obviously massive improvements you made.

please update soon?

Great fic you've got going here. I'm definately going to have to take a look at the old one. Its definately changed my outlook on SI fics, even this early on. The first person and the fact that Noriko is a literal you, as opposed to some attempt at a cover up, makes this very good. You've also got a great eye for details. Thoughts, too, are expressed very nicely.

'Gainax effect'. Lol.

Everyone seemed in character to me. I suppose we'll get a better judgment of this as Noriko improves on her speaking (she has to be able to talk to Shinji and others eventually . . . right?). You've also made a very good snapshot of a night in the Katsuragi household.

Favorited and I can't wait for more.

Good twist, has Asuka more in character (less patient). An improvement.

A rewrite. This might have promise or it might not. Thus far, I'm leaning to the former. Good Luck.

I am an idiot... I forgot to put this fiction on the favourite and on the alert list and I almost missed this chapter. I had obviously abandoned the head on the cushion because this is a real improvement on the first version.

Keep up the good work.

Realtime commentary again!

Ranma reference!

Poor Noriko doesn't know how to put a bra on...haha that's just amusing to me.

Wow, Misato's car is a straight clunker. She'd probably do better to just crash the thing and get a new car with the insurance money! (If she could...)

Uh-oh, Noriko's having Bustgunner effect! And she'll have to live at Misato's little place too, huh?

I like how Noriko is worried about what Asuka and Shinji will think of her.

Battle Royale reference! (And then a The Raven reference a bit later on.) Yay! Such good references here.

It's good that Asuka can talk to Noriko in English. That way, she's not so alone. But uh-oh, Noriko's attracted to Asuka.

Hey, where's Rei?

I'm joining up at

REALTIME COMMENTARY! Written as I read your story.

I like how the flight was on Oceanic Airlines and it crashed. Are you, by chance, a Lost fan too?

I see a few little problems with apostrophes here. (I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just a copy editor by trade, so I'm trained to look out for little things like that.) "Tree's," "it's," "you're," etc. Also, it's Kaworu, not Kawaoru.

So wait, this person's had a sex change? Or are they dead and in someone else's body? (Maybe I'll find out soon enough and this will become a rhetorical question.) Interesting how she molests herself haha.

Also interesting how the character breaks the fourth wall and clearly states that she is in the Eva world (and how her psychological trauma will make her feel at home).

Nurse Ibuki-is that Maya? I thought Maya was young and not slightly overweight.

Noriko wants Misato's autograph! How funny!

Ideon, the "Let's kill the entire universe!" series. Interesting name-drop.

Good chapter, very in depth, much better than the original, keep up the good work.

Hi Dartz

Hopefully this will make people think, at least those that read your original post of this story. I've read SF stories that have the same aspect of what you are trying to show, and I wish you luck.

But you seem to have an abundance of luck in dealing with this reality.

Keep writing, and never let them hear you scream!

Komodo Dragoon

I still enjoy readingt this, even if I have before. :) I especially like the little notes you put at the bottem, as though this was a from a real person.

Kep going.

Hey Dartz. This looks ineresting. I'm looking forward to seeing what you will do for the rewrite of the story. Anyhoo...good luck and see ya later!

Peace,

J

can't wait for the update!

good to know you didnt can this, you were just finalizing it.

GoatMan, dont ride him for milking the NPE cash cow, if he can expand on the original NPE and make it better then more power to ya dude, ya know ya got at least one loyal fan here! Hindsight is always 20/20, so hopefully you can put down things you wanted to make happen, but couldn't due to established story elements. In the end this might wind up being very different or at least more detailed than NPE, I noticed a lot more description (not sure if thats the right term) um detail, in this version. Hope you can keep it up!

Intriguing, it seems someone, enjoyed NPE enough to send you a copy of their own take on it. Good luck with this, but don't delete your own version it takes away something that was already great to begin with.