|Reviews for Finding Serenity|
| xXGageXx chapter 15 . 12/19/2008
I have passed over this story for probably a year now, as it's title never really grabbed me. All I can say it's truly a masterpiece.
While riddled with some typographical and and grammatical errors, the plot and the characers more than make up for it. Very, very rarely on FanFic is there ever a unique story with new characters that one can get attached to.
You definitely have a knack for developing your characters in few words and progressing the action right along with enough description to tell the story, but not so much that it bogs the reader down ( I have done this myself a few times ).
All in all, I am glad Sam was shot in the beginning and I am contemplating skipping to the "Sam's Death" chapter, then resuming the read. I hope he dies an utterly gruesome death.
Awesome work, and I am looking forward to finishing this story as well as the sequels.
| Remo Jackson chapter 1 . 3/1/2008
Some review and edit of this first section would allow the action and story to flow more smoothly. Example:
'That was it that was the end.' A comma inserted within this sentence and a shortening would make it sound better.'That was it, this was the end.'
'The undead were massed up outside hundreds of them ran through out Serenity' Same for this section. Insert a comma after the word outside and throughout is one word. 'The undead were massed up outside, hundreds of them ran throughout Serenity.'
This sentence really should be reworded to move with the rest of the flow already established, as it is worded, its like a speed bump on the way to the action following.
'The only sound other than roaring of the undead was the sound of the helicopter as it was hovering away. The military or what was left of it was no longer there to help them; it had never been in the first place.'
Insert the word 'the' and helicopters fly away not hover away. 'The only sound that seemed to muffle the screeching of the undead was the sound of the helicopter as it flew off, taking with it their only chance for escape.'
'The military or what was left of it, was no longer there to help them; they had been ordered to do so in the first place.'
Some minor grammar and syntax changes along with a good editor can make this story achieve what you want it to.
There is a good premise for action already supported within the storyline, the character interaction is excellent, dialogue is good, although you may want to change sections where the sentence is all in caps. That is actually not a good idea eventhough you want to show yelling. Just capitalizing the first word and adding the exclaimation point should suffice or you can change the font to italic to show the character stressing their words. Professional writers use this technique for one or two words in an entire book. More than that is considered amateurish.
Try removing all the adjectives from a page of your work. Read it, and you will discover that most of them were unnecessary. More important, the story will be more solid and will flow better. Now do the same thing with adverbs.
Work for perfection in your grammar. I can see you have good grammar control, but it could be better.
A good story but could use someone to edit it for you.
| Sorceress Eternity chapter 22 . 7/4/2007
Wow, you know how to make Sam a character somebody can hate. I just want to get a hold of him and dish him out to Neil and the others lol! Speaking of Neil, that was funny how the mortar exploided right in front of him and he came out with a joke hehe. _
| Sorceress Eternity chapter 5 . 7/4/2007
Here are a couple of criticisms for you. _
"Ben was stood on the wall again" should read "Ben was standing on the wall again"
“You’ve never liked my preacher why do you..." should read "You’ve never liked me preacher, why do you..."
| Sorceress Eternity chapter 4 . 7/4/2007
The only criticism I have right now is there isn't any punctuation marks where they are needed. The setences run on and on and it gets confusing a little bit. The other one would be spelling. Other than that, I am liking this story so far. I like how you used the different alarms in this story to mean different things. That is something I have not read yet, and I've read many zombie fanfics. I know this story is complete, but keep up the great work with any newer ones you are working on. _
| Smeikle chapter 22 . 4/14/2007
I like the story, the concept is thought out and executed pretty well, the only downfall I can think of would be the errors in grammar. Personally I can skip through them without too much thought, as the story is interesting enough to make me see passed that, but there are others that will be turned off by such mistakes, and will miss out on a great story.
Keep up the good work and take some time to work on some of that grammar and hopefully we will see more soon.
| I'mNotGivingMyNameToAMachine chapter 32 . 2/9/2007
Very, very good. I liked it a lot.
It was a satisfying is depressing ending.
I do hope a sequel will be written, and I guess here's an idea for it: Warren and Tractor plot to bring down the military force that attacked them using Warlord, while Ben and Neil hunt down Ben's fiance. That might be neat, but it's your call.
Thanks for writting this excellent story!
| Bizzyb420 chapter 31 . 2/9/2007
Finally Sam is dead, that's so nice...
| I'mNotGivingMyNameToAMachine chapter 23 . 2/4/2007
Well, there goes my favorite character.
What sucks, is the reader knows from the start that everyone's fucked, but they (me) still get attached to them. That's good writing. You want your readers to care about your characters, and I do.
On another note, Sam is pure utter evil and I dispise him. That is ALSO good writing to generate such hate.
Keep it up! And I guess it's almost over...
| I'mNotGivingMyNameToAMachine chapter 20 . 1/27/2007
I liked the cobat in this chapter a lot. You did a really good job planning that out. Shame about Smith..
| I'mNotGivingMyNameToAMachine chapter 19 . 1/24/2007
Kinda like Black Hawk Down. Neat.
Story's getting really good.
| I'mNotGivingMyNameToAMachine chapter 18 . 1/23/2007
I really like the human vs. human aspect of this story.
That doesn't happen much in DotD fics.
| Wolf190 chapter 18 . 1/22/2007
Great job so far and it's an added bonus that you update as quickly as you do.
| Wolf190 chapter 15 . 1/20/2007
Read it up to this up to chapter 15 and waiting for more. Great story really. Keep updating
| I'mNotGivingMyNameToAMachine chapter 15 . 1/19/2007