Reviews for unheard whispers
GOOD MORNING TO YOU chapter 4 . 10/25/2011

Rydia Asuka chapter 4 . 1/6/2011
When I say I will do something, I will (usually) do it if left to do so in my own time. :) So here I am. I read it here, and not on the other site, simply because the idea of rooting through a thread for chapters did not appeal to me, when it's so much easier to just read and comment here. I figure if the changes were that massive, you would have just updated the content of these ones.

At any rate, enough babbling.

First off, the story is...well, it's decently well written, with minimal grammatical errors. However, the sentence flow, and in some cases structure, catches me as awkward in places. Now, overall this is not an issue, but it does take away from the story's flow. Basically what I'm saying is that it's good, but it could also be better.

Secondly, I would highly recommend looking into some things before writing about them. For instance, the lobster thing. Living, as I do, in a community that relies heavily on its fishing industry, it is downright frustrating to see a lobster's carapace called "skin". It is not skin, and never will the very least use shell.

Another area that gets me is dialogue. Sometimes, it flows really well, but there are other times where it feels unnatural and awkward to me. I dunno, that might just be me, though.

As for the story's premise...I actually really like it. It's a good idea that's not all that often done, so it feels refreshing. However, the overall execution could be better. There are times when it feels somewhat choppy and gets confusing...though I think that that is more of an issue in this last chapter, and may, in fact, be more me being in a massive hurry to get to class at the moment.

On that note, I have to get going. Good work so far, though! Don't be disheartened by my review. :) I think there's a lot of potential here.
Keycake chapter 4 . 4/27/2010
f the daydream scene caught me by surprise, WIN. And yes I laughed at the image of Kairis dad being a pear c:

You have a great storyline to work with ; w; and it could go either way now for how you've just ended it. So it'll be intresting to see how you carry on w 3

Thank you for sharing ;w ; 3
yungneko chapter 1 . 3/16/2010
POOR SORA. ;_; ugh. have you ever hit your head on a deck post? it hurts.

"His hair was strange because, unlike normal kids on the islands, he had shining, silver hair"

"The clouds overhead were cheerful and friendly looking to the children below even though the clouds would most likely turn into a nasty storm later that night.

just found hair/clouds a little repetitive in these sections (respectively).

still loving that 'as if it reflected the sky' bit though. awesome little hint of symbolism. :3

and oh my god, flashback was ADORABLE.
AdventureAddict chapter 4 . 3/4/2010

Okay, now that that's off my chest... *pats on the back* Good job!

There were some points in the earlier chapters that felt like you go a little TOO descriptive and it just started to get boring having everything described to the nth degree, but as you got farther in, you stopped doing that so much and it got better.

And yes, this chapter was short. Work harder! *cracks whip*

Seriously, I am so freaking happy that you're finally working on this again. And I learned how to work proxies, so I can get past my dad blocking FF net. *dances* Sheesh, you really were right about me being naive and such if I'm only learning to work proxies now. Oi vey.


Kay, I'm done now. *grins*
SyntheticAngel0813 chapter 4 . 3/4/2010
Thank you for the update :)

I really do love this story.

Oh I just can't wait to see what happens with our little Sora and the big, bad Riku.

Until then. Ja ne.
Danny-Lynn chapter 3 . 2/15/2010
Nu! Not a cliff hanger! -flailage- xD So, what are they hiding? xD Ah, how parents could be so...Clueless. Do keep up the good work. I shall be waiting {im}patiently for the next chapter. -waits-
Danny-Lynn chapter 5 . 10/21/2008
I know how you feel when it comes to losing interest in something. Sorry to hear, But, if you do decide to continue, I can't wait to see what happens next.
S.RAYN chapter 5 . 10/19/2008
Jeez, don't even worry about updating, you might as well just quit the story. No one even remembers it. And please stop putting chapter 5 as announcements, just put it on your profile, cus people think its chapter 5, and its just you saying some worthless crap. Thats what your profile is for.
Tinker16 chapter 5 . 6/11/2008
Awsome story. Please don't stop writing!
obligatoryUsername chapter 2 . 2/29/2008
Yes, the chapter is 'la-short.' I JUST noticed the last time you updated and the number of reviews you got.

One word for both:





Nice chapter! I was hoping that Kairi would be nice and not judge Sora for liking COUGHrikuCOUGH
obligatoryUsername chapter 1 . 2/29/2008
XD, Hi there Kairi! It's nice to meet someone who has the same name as you.

Yes, I am Sabrina.

BOO! -laughs-

I luv number two.




I luv it.
AdventureAddict chapter 5 . 8/1/2007
ha. you sound like a cat. or perhaps Ed...? ;)

And i haven't been kicking out chapters recently... true, it's been more than you, but i haven't posted a chap of ASA since july 16. which makes me feel bad. :( and guilty. and then my dad had to go and get the WoW subscription renewed, so...

i blame distractions. (points)
Battery chapter 5 . 7/4/2007
You can doo it! I believe in you!
Twilight Satu chapter 5 . 6/28/2007
Wow O.o Great story! Hehehe. I found it on your myspace page after I added you D. You asked for me to add you, I think I pus my myspace on the KH forum? Hmm... not too sure... Probaly!

Hope you update soon! And what are they keeping secret? Why can't Sora and Riku be together now? Ah
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