Reviews for As I Fall
Evilkitten3 chapter 49 . 6/1
I have another favorite story now. (And I like spazzshipping - 'cause, y'know, I didn't have enough ships already...)
SHADOWoftheFOX chapter 49 . 4/29
Glad to hear you're doing better, and I hope it continues!

I loved the final scene in the tomb! Everything about it was fantastic-from Bakura defacing the walls with blood to him being aware that an item was being used. I also like how quickly Atem switched from "I'm not leaving!" to "Get me out of here!" Justifiable, but still funny.

Also, Kamenwati is an interesting little mystery. Is it actually the spirit of the horse? Or did Bakura create it? Either way, I really like him.
Sexgott chapter 48 . 4/16
Bro you're amazing thanks for the update can't wait for more your story has always excite me btw could you try making a fairy tail Fanfiction? Featuring Natsu and Ultear as the main character or Mira or Lisanna? It could be a harem
Guest chapter 48 . 3/10
Are you alright? I've the author notes. You must be going through something rough.
XxYourXxDisasterXx chapter 34 . 1/20
When you said in your last email that things were about to get riled up, I know you were talking about the chapters not yet published... but oh boy, that statement rings true for the chapters I have been reading. (Chapter 34 took me several days due to it's colossal length and my time frames lol)

Ryou has exited stage right. I admit I was surprised, though I suppose I shouldn't have been. He's looking for Mal/rik? What does he hope to accomplish with that? Bring them back obviously, but I can't see that working out the way he hopes. Especially considering the scene where the two are in Spain and see the broadcast of Jou's press conference fiasco. I enjoyed that scene, as I have missed Marik.

"He's always liked having tons of pockets. I called it his version of a purse once. Only once." A wise decision Marik.

Speaking of Jou's press conference blunder... Have you seen Pitch Perfect? If so, do you recall the part when they are all telling each other secrets and Fat Amy goes "OHp! There it is!"? This is what popped into my head when Jou fell for that guy's trick and acknowledged Bakura's name. Oh Jou. Caused himself some problems there.

Why hasn't Shizuka called him back yet? It seems odd. Has Bakura been blocking the call? That doesn't make much sense, what purpose would that serve? Theoretically though, if she saw the broadcasts, she now knows that its not Otogi who Jou is dating. I had a laugh over Otogi worrying about whether the general population would also think he was dating Jou if they are seen together a lot, because, to be fair... they DID go apartment hunting together LOL.

I've decided I like Takara. "She has the drama of Marik, the attitude of Otogi, the body of Mai, and seemingly the power of Kaiba." Yup. Her hitting on Otogi and Yami is great, and Jou's fear of her amuses me. (Though he is right to be afraid.)

ATEM AND BAKURA ARE SO CUTE! IT HURTS! I JUST WANT THEM TO LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! (Sorry Jou...) The scene where they meet up in the temple (AND FUCK IN THE TEMPLE!" Is this considered sacrilege?" Um. YES!? hahahaha) was cute as hell. "Seventeen nights was unbearable." "Oh. You noticed too, huh" Aww. Atem is planning his future with Bakura too... wondering how he's going to introduce him to his court, how he's going to make it work, and bitching at Mahaado when told he needs an heir. I'm so sad for them.

Chapter 34 was so intense. What is Jou's dad up to?! What happened between him and Bakura to put Bakura into the state that Jou found him in upon returning home? What his Baku apologizing for? So many questions!

And Malik! Seth has procured Blue-eyes, and the resulting confrontation between him and Malik has my mind spinning. So Malik studied with Seth and Isis and Mahaado then? I knew he was involved with the palace due to his family's tomb keeping, but I didn't realize he was that close. It's been revealed that he was against the collection of kas, and I find this interesting. Also, he seems very against Bakura bringing Kisara along in their escape. He even said Kisara dying would spare Bakura some pain. Why? If I recall correctly, it was a burst of 'familiar' energy that sent Malik racing for Seth's summoning temple. That energy wasn't Bakura, so it would have been Seth sealing Blue-Eyes. Does Malik know Kisara as well? I'm interested to see how she plays into things.

Bakura is seeing a whole new side of Malik. This should make for quite the confrontation when they get some place safe. Malik even considered helping Seth in his plot against Atem. "Is it feasible? - This plan of yours?"

While it is a good thing Malik showed up when he did to save Bakura, his smashing all the Ka's has put a wrinkle in things. Its good, because it has limited Seth's powers, but with those powers limited, Isis now knows its not Seth who is attacking in her vision. She also knows its not Malik. (Its Bakura's ka isn't it?) By fucking shit up, Malik has fucked shit up. The priest's/Atem's attention will be elsewhere now.

It feels like things are going to start going awry in the past now, and I can't wait.
XxYourXxDisasterXx chapter 29 . 12/17/2015
O.M.G. This may be a long one, I'm very sorry. I was planning to wait a few more chapters before my next review but HOLY SHIT!

Before we start things off I would like to send an honourable mention to chapter 25 and the phrase "clammy yami" because, while I know its only two words and not groundbreaking in any way... I got far far FAR to much enjoyment out of it. Clammy yami. Clammy Yami. It's so fun to say. I laughed for too long. I was tired. It happens. Moving on.

MALIK! He LEFT?! All because Bakura chose to be in a relationship with Jou? I may be missing something here, but other then Jou being friends with Yami, and (according to Malik) not the smartest pup in the litter, I don't understand why Malik dislikes Jou so much. Bakura states that Malik wouldn't approve of anyone Bakura gets involved with, which I believe, but regardless. Is it just because of Jou's connection to Yami? Bakura only really just got Malik back as well.

This whole situation is made sadder by the fact that Malik's opinion means so much to Bakura. Part of him had been hoping for Malik's blessing in the relationship and, even if Bakura is still partially in it as revenge on Yami, it must have hurt to be shot down so thoroughly. Especially since Malik didn't approve of Atem either (though Baku undoubtedly now agrees with that). Malik, arguably the biggest influence on Bakura's life, hasn't approved of the only two people Bakura's ever had feelings for.

Jou was surprisingly upset when Malik left. It was nice to see, since even though Jou still believes Malik and Baku were together in the past (seriously someone needs to burst that bubble) he's willing to fight for Malik to stay, because he knows its what Baku would want.

Also I'm curious about Malik's rage issues. Yami mentioned previously that he's the one who made Malik like that, (once again, Yami. What did you do?) but I'm wondering why it holds so much power over Malik.

Past Malik has made his move against Atem. Lurking creepily on Atem's balcony. "Civilization ties you down and brainwashes you. It confines as ropes do a horse. (He's not wrong...) The rope has been looped over Bakura's neck, slowly tightening and reeling him in." It's quite something to think about the lengths Malik went to in order to get himself out of the royal circle and, to an extent, 'civilization' itself, compared to Bakura, who is doing everything he can to get himself INTO it. Into Atem's life.

SHIZUKA THINKS JOU IS DATING OTOGI! God bless. So perfect. Poor Otogi. He should have just let Jou talk. "Shizuka, your brother's gay" was smooth as hell. Damn Otogi. Damn. She handled it well though. And Bakura's amusement at the situation was refreshing. He even laughed... whoa.

Their mother on the other hand... she makes me mad. "As usual she doesn’t ask about Jounouchi, assuming I will inform her if anything too dreadful is amiss. I could never bring myself to ask her why she left him behind with our father. Our father the drunkard. Perhaps she didn’t want to try; figured he’d be just like dad. Why bother?” and "She doesn’t expect much from my brother." Rude bitch. You left your son with that abusive ass? I assume she doesn't know about the physical abuse, but nonetheless. She knew about the alcohol abuse.

MAHAADO KNOWS ABOUT BAKURA! Oh the scandal he has uncovered. Luckily he is so devoted to Atem. Bakura is damn lucky Atem showed up at the temple when he did.

"I know you."
"You walked in on Atem's cousin and uncle scheming his murder." Oh shit.

I knew previously that Mahaado had the ring, and it crossed my mind, but now I'm even more suspicious. Mahaado has the ring. Bakura GETS the ring. Could this be a catalyst for things going wrong between Atem and Bakura? Does Bakura kill Mahaado? That would certainly turn Atem against him. Or, perhaps something else happens to split them and THEN Bakura kills Mahaado. I'm leaning towards the second theory. I can't see Bakura just killing Mahaado off the bat like that. Surely he would know Atem wouldn't react well. Mahaado IS Atem's only 'friend.' Even though they can't really be called that anymore.

Also Seth has the rod. Malik gets the rod. Hmmmmm.

I'm rather fond of Seini. Also his "You only get one body." comment to Bakura made me chuckle. If only he knew.

So after all the above excitement happens, the world pretty much implodes. Honda. Seriously. WTF? Why? What was he hoping to achieve by telling the media?

I admit I'm feeling a little bad for Honda. He turned his back on Jou, and there's no avoiding or forgiving that, but he never turned his back on the others. None of them tried to call him? Talk some sense into him when he first walked out? He's their friend too. Even Anzu didn't bother to contact him when she got back? He's lost Shizuka now too...

Yugi says in chap. 29 "He may be uncomfortable with homosexuality, but he still chose to leave."
Well he may be uncomfortable with homosexuality, but you still could have called.
"He chose to exile himself from us."
No. He really didn't. Just Jou.

Homophobia is not ok, and of course I'm not justifying anything he's done, but his friends abandoned him just as he abandoned Jou. Maybe if they had contacted him in some way and tried to smooth things over he wouldn't have blabbed his big fat mouth off to the paps.

Also, Atem is being a little harsh on Bakura? He DID just murder 19 people... but "' You don't belong here either Tomb Robber. You don't belong anywhere.'" ? Ouch. He belonged with you once upon a time.

"I will admit that I misused that power myself when I sealed the three of us in Millennium Items. It was both reckless and selfish on my part. I have done what I can to make amends." What? What have you done Yami? Does he mean making amends in general by being a decent person, or making amends to the specific people he locked away? Because he's done shit all since even REMEMBERING that he's been reckless/selfish/abusive of powers.

No one is right; everyone is wrong. Will anyone win by the time this fic ends?

Jou is so sad in the wake of the shadow realm fiasco. This is the first time his depression/cutting problem has reared its ugly head in awhile, and no one even knows about any of that. So no one can keep an eye on him and make sure he's ok.

Talk of the Ka begins again. Baku is in training with Seini. So the priests collect the Ka of criminals and lock them away in tablets for arena battles? Isn't the Ka a piece of the persons soul? That doesn't bode well. Sounds a tad familiar.

Bakura burning Ryou's college letters... *sigh* And now Ryou has to move. *double sigh* No luck for Ryou. Troublesome yami.

Poor Otogi spent several chapters hangry as hell. That's a lot of trauma/drama on an empty stomach.

Shoutout to Jou for referring to Bakura as a 'placid feline.'

A possible V.G cameo?!, and no, 'boat' is not fancy enough for Otogi. Yacht is much better.

"Mahaado casts his eyes upward, as if watching his remaining sanity fly away." Me too Mahaado... Me too.
XxYourXxDisasterXx chapter 24 . 12/11/2015
I've reached the half-way point!

Reading the Baku/Atem scenes is really bittersweet. They are so cute and smitten with one another and I love it, but at the same time I know how things end up. Now that they know they can touch and they've kissed and they had a really bad first experience with sex (which I thoroughly enjoyed reading... poor boys.) I imagine the next big thing will be Malik finding out.

Bakura asking Atem if he's 'sure about his parentage' was so appropriate. Loved it.
Also the imagery of Bakura swimming around in Atem's bath while Atem drools over him was highly entertaining.

The Yami/Bakura/Jou situation is a strong example of "Never date your friends ex-boyfriend." Not that Jou realizes he's doing so of course. Or that it would make a huge difference if he did lol. Poor Yami is struggling.

Jou is so dumb sometimes. Why would be bring Mai to Ryou's place? I get that he wants to keep both her and Baku in his life, but he himself said earlier that it would be a disaster to bring her into the same building as Mar/lik. So then why do it and then be confused when things blow up?

"Grabbing my hand she begins to tug me to her vehicle. It feels akin to being kidnapped." - because that's sort of what's happening Jou...

I wonder how long it took upon 're-awakening' inside Ryou for Bakura to realize that being a 'Phantom' is just being albino; and that Ra isn't so much punishing him as his skin just can't handle the heat of Egyptian sun.

Does Bakura secretly track down the assholes who put him in that cage and kill them? Even if you didn't write such a thing, I choose to believe he did. Jou's vision of that scene was so sad. Bakura was so scared from the dueling crowd (

Good to see Jou and Baku getting it on again. Poor Ryou got sexiled though... and Yugi is just so unaffected.

Also glad to see that Otogi is now involved. He's adding an interesting new dynamic.

Bakura has not once called Jou by his first name. It's always mutt or Katsuya or kid. I'm on the lookout for a possible first time.

Anzu hasn't really done anything (except bring hoards of paps where they aren't welcome)... but "Staring at Bakura, I try to picture him at Yami's side. Then I try to erase all traces of blood and gore from the mental image and scratch out all the swear words and threats. That leaves them next to one another with nothing to say." is a good description.

Good grief, reviewing multiple chapters at once makes for a lot of typing.

On a side note; I'm happy to hear the vomit Guard survives whatever catastrophe you put them through. He was so respectful to Atem and very professional. As a reader, it absolutely matters to me. He should definitely live for such loyalty.
XxYourXxDisasterXx chapter 17 . 12/7/2015
'Honda you dickface' will absolutely become my mantra for this story.

Chapter 17 complete and the giggles continue. Marik is an absolute gem. He's such a little shit disturber and I love it.

"Long story short, Malik comes rampaging down the stairs after chatting with you and, in front of everyone, accuses the mutt of raping you..." very nice Marik. Very nice.

I'm eager to see how everything ended up coming to a conclusion in the past and how things got so bad between Atem and Bakura. "That overwhelming hurt - it was only present when he was near you, Yami." Oh Yami. What did you do? Other then lock him away in the ring for thousands of years of course. Malik's inevitable meeting with Atem will be interesting as well. Malik tries so hard to protect Bakura, and he just doesn't listen. *sigh* (BTW your reassurances that Malik doesn't actually die, but is simply tormented for thousands of years was not comforting in the slightest.)

That scene when Bakura realized his feelings for Atem and then threw up on a guard? Love it. Considering he only recently had to wrap his head around even simply having more than one friend, it must have been a shock. In contrast, Atem has to accept LOSING a friend.

Bakura is finally warming up a bit more to Jou now, and has come to terms with the fact that he does care about him on some level. He noticed very quickly that Jou hadn't been cutting, and while that might just be a simple observation, it felt important. He wasn't just noticing offhand, he pointed it out. He cared. The fact that he actually admitted to Jou about being scared in the hospital was also huge.

(The others do EVENTUALLY find out about Jou's problem right...?)

And they've officially had their first outing together! Of course then Kaiba and Mai had to come ruin it for them. The tension between Bakura and Mai is perfect.

"Kaiba, I don't need to answer my phone to know you want to duel. I don't have to even breathe to know you want a rematch. Again." YES.

And so, on that note, I say goodbye until next time.
XxYourXxDisasterXx chapter 10 . 12/1/2015
"Everything is going to be ok now," ... Sweetie no.

Hi. I first read this story many a year ago now... (3?) and extreme review stalking tells me this was actually the first YuGiOh fic I ever read. I remember how much I loved (love* it's just as good as I remember) this fic, as well as all the others you've written. (I had a very strong desire for Afika in Crimson Ties to die in a hole, and I was more then willing to put him there myself.)

I believe I completed most of your stories, but for some reason, I did not finish AiF or the last couple chapters of CTiL (which I worshipped. So. Surprising.) If memory serves me correctly, I lost internet access for a very long time when my computer met it's unfortunate demise, and when I got a new one I just... never came back.

Out of curiosity I logged into my old email account the other day, and imagine my surprise at the notifications waiting to tell me AiF is still ongoing! Just as surprising is the fact that I still remember the password of my account on this site, and so... I have returned to you.

A long story short... I'm going to re-read this entire thing, and this time I will stick around until the end. I also plan to re-read Son of Apopis, Crimson, and BtS, because I remember how much I loved them.

...I also recall your tendency to kill Malik... and I'm fearful.

In conclusion. Forgive me for straying. I love your work. I'm going to go read more now. Farewell.

Kristina Angelina chapter 48 . 11/27/2015
Beautiful chapter, no matter how "short" it was. I actually think all your chapters are long as mine tend to be, at most, 4,000 or so words. I truly hope you feel better mentally and physically. I know what that feels like, and I think you should rest and try to devote your time to recovering. No matter how much us readers love this story, we can wait. :) No pressure!
PlayStringsAndFlameThrowers chapter 48 . 11/21/2015
Alright, I got a few questions. First, is there ever going to be an explanation to what Bakura is? We understand that he's albino and has been abused by that but will the past characters ever get that? Second, does that have anything to do with Bakura being chosen for the Millenium ring? What's the reason the ring chose Bakura. I get that it's an AU from Yugioh but I'm still curious. Third, does the whole thing with the shadows corrupting Bakura's mind still have an effect on him in the present?
As for the chapter there's not much to criticize. It's well put and I don't see any loopholes or darkspots.
But, another thing I'm wondering. Does Atem ever truely hate Bakura? I'm leaning on that Atem was just doing whatever he could to quell him and things got out of hand and he became heart-broken, then he just went with Bakura being evil so he had to stop him.
Bakurafangurl91 chapter 48 . 11/20/2015
I'm sorry that you've been sick. I've been sick as well as, but I hope you are feeling better. What have I told you about being sick? It's illegal in Zorctopia :p.

Onto the epic review of doom! :D. First of all, it was nice having all past this chapter. I think I would have imploded from wanting to find out what happens next if you split it off (not that I'm not dying to know about the present as well).

I know I've said this a million times, but I really love the way you do Shaadi. It's nice to see a perspective beyond that of Bakura and Atem. They're slowly understanding what's going on, and I can't help but feel sorry for them. They want to help, but they're limited in what they can do.

I find it interesting how you did some third person in this chapter, both of them involving Bakura. Ah, yes. Bakura jumping on the blades like a beautiful dancer. I always imagined him to be one because they're so agile and graceful, and he would need to be to avoid all those traps and such. The fight was amazing! You can clearly feel how powerful Mahad and Bakura really are. It's sad how deep Bakura has gone to the darkness, but he feels so powerless still. He wants to prove himself to Atem, to everyone that he's not a phantom and he's not glass. He's just going about it the wrong way. I really liked how Mahad sealed Diabound. It was very interesting, and I've noticed, as you pointed out in your AN, that you put parts of the cannon in here. You just did it in your own way like with the thing with Diabound being sealed. Reminded me when Seth sealed it in the anime. Haha! I love that part. (In Ryou's voice): "Thank you Master Seto. That horrible beast was controlling my mind, and now I'm finally free-" (Bakura's sexy voice of doom)-"Free to annihilate you that is!" Haha! I could go on and on about Bakura quotes from the manga and anime a;kf;lasfasf :D. Anyhoozles, Mahad definitely was in shock when Diabound came out :D.

I really love how Mahad was trying to reason with Bakura even though knew it was hopeless to. Both of them wanted to kill each other, but Mahad wanted to save Bakura-if only for Atem's sake. Aww! Poor Bakura! I could just feel how upset he was at seeing Shadow Ghoul! It just made it so much worse-for everyone.

Holy shit! Senni killed Mahad?! I understand what he was trying to do, but seriously?! He acts so indifferent about it. Hmm that is very interesting about the magicians though, and it makes a lot of sense. I can only imagine how Atem is going to feel when he finds out about Mahad's death. Senni is in enough trouble with him as it is!

I really loved Atem's and Isis' conversation this chapter. I feel sorry for Isis. She's so worn out and wants to protect Atem from what she's seen, but she has to tell him-so he can protect everyone. I'm glad Atem was able to talk to her about Bakura. He needed someone else to know about him. He's willing to do everything he can to save his love-his heart. Isis knows the dangers, but she supports him because she knows the outcome. I still can't believe how powerful Senni is with his old magic. It's crazy and awesome how it affects everyone who can use their Ka.

The ending was epic! Kamenwati holding the Ring! Epic! I'm dying so hard! I'm sorry if my review wasn't that great, but I really, really loved the chapter! Again, I hope you feel better and I can't wait for the next one!
PlayStringsAndFlameThrowers chapter 47 . 8/29/2015
Cool. First off, I did notice a was much easier to read and there was just as much understanding on their points of view. Secondly, amazing job with how the characters are starting to turn on each other and it totally makes sense why. Its not pushed and there has been so much tension around them that it was foreseen. A lot times things get out of control and I'm just thinking, "Why didn't this character just do this?". No, this makes perfect sense and we can totally see how everything went wrong.
Atem's character is the greatest. There's all this bloodshed and he's starting to lose it. That desire for love and to be accepted by someone is no longer there so they don't have much to stand on. He's just starting to freak out. Bakura's losing it because he's being pressured to be locked up. So many things are starting to make sense in the present times.
Bakurafangurl91 chapter 47 . 8/24/2015
I told you I'd get this to you on time. :). I died so hard this chappie! I shall show you why! :D. (and of course this shall be long, so let's hope it posts, if not I shall PM the parts it doesn't. :))

Ahh Bakura hath three POVs! All in the past! a;lfka;lkfa;lskf;fasf they were all three so amazing! Aww those poor kids. I understand why Bakura killed them though, but still :(. Bakura does have a point: if children are the future, they need to be better protected. I love Ajo. He's such a good horse. :). Those poor other horses though. :(. They're so terrified. I can't blame them for that. Yes! Show Aknadin that he is stupid, Bakura! (In 11.5 different ways, starting with 11, and he will find out what 0.5 means!)

Marik's POV! Wow! It's been a long time since we've seen him, and he's speaking to Isis no less! I really loved their conversation. You write them so well. Both of their sides make a lot of sense. I can't blame Isis for being upset that Marik does what he does. Anyone would, and I can't blame Marik for being upset and defensive of Malik. It would be weird if he wasn't. There's always going to be this divide that pulls them a part even though they both want a relationship with each other. Wow, some interesting tidbit of news there!

Bakura's second POV! My gods, that was amazing! I always love when Bakura shows Aknadin that he is stupid! :D. I can't blame the Ka for being angry with Aknadin either. Of course, Aknadin is going to use Malik to his advantage. He knew it would get to Bakura. Bakura doesn't believe Malik is gone. It's sad. Of course, he's not going to believe that Atem would actually harm Malik. He doesn't realize that Atem didn't know (well, he does now, of course). And Diabound gets even stronger. :D. Malik does believe in the gods, so I can't blame Bakura for being upset that they burnt his body. Poor Malik :(. Holy shit! Bakura hath the Eye now! That was amazing! The description of Bakura opening the Shadow Realm. I could picture it so clearly! I love how he went through pain because of it though. It would be weird if he didn't, and the changes of Diabound were well noted too. I like the colouring of the first form the best, but I love the fifth form with its sexy cobra. :D. And now Bakura knows what Aknadin did. Bakura has so much power now, and it's getting to his head. Haha! Yes! Destroy him Diabound!

Again, I really love how you do Shadi. Though, I always keep forgetting to ask you this: since he holds the Key, is he supposed to be Shaadah or is he supposed to be Shadi who thinks he's so amazing holding the Scales and Key and makes Atem play games to save his friends? Either one works, just trying to clarify :). Well, it makes sense they would be questioning Aknadin's actions. Aknadin would want to destroy Bakura to get the glory. Too bad that didn't work! Haha! Of course, it's right for them to speculate that Aknadin would want Diabound for himself. Ha, don't you mean the White Dragon? , and now they've discovered that the Realm hath been opened.

Atem's POV! Yoy! 100% Yoy! I can't blame Atem for being upset that Senni taught Bakura heka, and I can't blame Senni for teaching it to him in the first place. He felt it was the right thing to do. He didn't realize Bakura would take it as far as he has. Atem believes that what's happening with Bakura is his fault, but he knows that Senni is to blame for this as well. He feels betrayed that Senni would actually go behind his back the way he did. I can't blame Atem for being shocked about Diabound's ability. Bakura is getting more and more powerful by the second. Though, he still has faith in Mahaado that he will take his lover down. Good call on Atem's part about Senni. He's not going to trust him, but he's not going to make him an enemy either. Now, it's time for Atem to go find Bakura and Mahaado. :D.

Malik's POV! Yay! alfka;fafa Haha! I'm not surprised Marik is upset about the apartment. He always loves big, lavish things. Silly Hikari *huggles him* I can't blame Malik for wanting to harm Isis and Rishid, but he holds back because he loves Marik and Marik loves them. Wow. That's really interesting. So the Ka still exist then? Does this mean that Bakura still has Diabound? Poor Marik, he doesn't feel like he's important because he's not the reincarnation of Malik's Ka. Of course, Malik isn't going to have that. He's going to make sure that his little Hikari knows that he's still precious to him. :). I can't blame Malik for being upset about the Ka thing though. I mean, this whole time he didnt' think they existed. Marik, Isis, and Rishid should be upset as well since they were forced underground because of the lack of Ka to protect them and the tombs that they were sworn to protect. I can't wait to see how this goes down. Jou definitely has unleashed something, and Malik definitely knows it's not good.

And we end the chappie with Bakura! :D. I love the fight he and Mahaado had! Mahaado isn't going to outright attack Bakura. He'll find his weak point, and trick him. Bakura is clever; however, and won't fall for the trickery. Ha! That was epic! I love how you have Bakura feel Diabound's pain too. It makes a lot of sense. Of course, Diabound would be able to get out of that spell. That's classic cannon Diabound right there: getting out of Spell Binding Circle. :D. And now Bakura has been lead to the area where Malik's body was burnt. I can't blame Shadow Ghoul for being upset and attacking. Poor thing. *hugs* I find it interesting that you had it as Malik's Ka. I have Des Gardius as his Ka in Hostage. Poor Bakura. He's so heartbroken that Malik is gone. He knew that it was true, but he just didn't want to accept it. Mahaado forced him to do so. I'm glad that Bakura put Shadow Ghoul out of its mercy though. I'm sure the Ka suffers as much as its host does when they're separated. I can't imagine how the Ka in the modern day feel since they've been suppressed for so long. :(. I hope they can figure out how to unlock their Ka soon. Poor critters! *huggles them*

I loved this chappie. It was so emotional, and you do such an amazing job with description! I can always picture what's going on so well, and I just love everyone's thoughts! You can really get into their minds, and it's just... fjaf;affa;lkl;afaf.

So, you had a few errors, but nothing too bad. I know you were having trouble with this chappie because of the site. Overall, I think it was epic! I can't wait for the next chappie! a;lfkal;fka;sfaslfasf *implodes*
PlayStringsAndFlameThrowers chapter 46 . 8/21/2015
I would like to say that your writing is amazing and no matter what I try I just wouldn't be able to do it like you. One thing though; you tend to be a bit too wordy. Not in the dialogue but more explaining what the characters are thinking. This is just my opinion that you might want to consider. You tend to repeat in different words what the main point is during their thinking times and trying to figure out conflicts. Also, just because I focus on random things, the person during the interview who tricked Katsuya I to admitting that he was living with Bakura hasn't been brought up again. Just wondering what's going on there. Also, you might want to speed the days ahead some more. There's the obvious drama coming up where school will be starting again and for the last ten chapters I think only two days have gone by. That's my criticism, I hope you find it to be helpful. Good luck with college and the adult life.
594 | Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »