|Reviews for General|
| machievelli chapter 1 . 7/27/2013
Posted 10 November 2012, at and the Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents. I was posting directly to the actual story threads, but my computer went down again in June of 2012 with a virus. Then in November kotorfanmedia went down for reasons unknown, so I was stymied in my attempts to post the reviews. I had waited for it to revive, but you on deserve your reviews.
An aside; someone got mad at me because I used the term Generic to describe their work. All it means is that instead of putting themselves into it, they merely followed the plot line slavishly. Anyone can copy, a good writer creates.
TSL aboard Ebon Hawk: The Exile talks with Bao Dur.
The piece is fun with a possible relationship growing between the pair. Her explanation about why the term reminds her of the past is offset when he uses it again anyway.
| VeryLightJedi chapter 1 . 7/30/2012
Good fluff. Well written. Thnx)
To SuperYuuki: Bao is a Zabrak & an Iridonian, two in one, because Zabrak is a race, and Iridonia - is a planet inhabited by Zabraks )
| SuperYuuki chapter 1 . 11/26/2011
He's not a Zabrak. Bao-Dur is an Iridonian. I don't think there are even any Zabraks in the entire game. Zabraks are like Darth Maul, correct? Yeah. No Zabraks. OnO
Anyways. Creative. The only thing I hate (this happens ALL THE TIME) is that you characterize the Exile like a blushing schoolgirl. As much as one likes to think that the Exile is one's self, she is not. While you choose what she says, most of them are pretty darn competent. I can never imagine an Exile character blushing.
Another thing. That "general" wouldve gotten a stern talking-to from the masters. Love of a non-platonic kind is forbidden amongst the Jedi.
... I'm kidding. Good job. *thumbs up* OuO As much as I love having Atton and the Disciple fighting over Yua (my LSF Exile), I will always prefer Bao-Dur. He's the first companion that I trained in the ways of the force. (ALL MY COMPANIONS SHALL DOUBLE-WEILD. That why I never use G0-T0 or the utility droid. They can't dual-weild. Kreia is exception. Though, I steer clear of her these days. Biptch ain't coming with me unless its necessary. So ya. Bao-Dur and double-bladed blue lightsaber. OuO). Although, if forced to choose between Atton and Disciple, I'd definitely go with the Disciple. Because Atton is a biptch (not a typo). *starts humming "Hot and Cold" by Katy Perry*
Exile: Tell me more plz
Atton: [Influence: Failure] BLUH!
Exile: ... Let's play pazaak.
Exile: Tell me more plz
Atton: [Influence: Success] BLUH!
Exile: ... You know what, I don't care anymore. Screw you. *goes to talk about OMAIGAWD BOIYZZZZZ with Mira* ;)
| The Mad Maiden chapter 1 . 3/20/2009
And that is why I love Bao-Dur. I can so see this happening as well. Great one-shot.
| skywalker05 chapter 1 . 4/22/2008
Good. Not fluffy at all, but romantic in a way. I like the notion of Revan and the Exile as almost sisters as well.
| almostinsane chapter 1 . 10/30/2007
Great story! Thanks so much for writing these! God bless!
| Onyx Panthera chapter 1 . 3/16/2007
Enjoyed reading this piece. Well written.
| Trillian4210 chapter 1 . 1/9/2007
The words Exile/Bao-Dur in a summary grab me every time, so I had to give your fic a read. ;)
I thought it was sweet and nicely executed. You have some nice turns of phrase, such as: "laying her hand gently on his living arm..."
For some reason, I really like that 'living arm' stuff. Other times, there seems to be a tad too much telling and not showing, with regards to the feelings these two have for each other. This sentence, for instance, is great: "she motioned toward the lightsaber that had only recently been added to the mass of tools on his waistband," It does a lot in a short span of time. I would watch that you don't have too much explaining of how everyone feels, and make sure POVs don't switch either, unless they're done consistently. And my last bit of concrit is to watch that the descriptions of your Exile's beauty don't go overboard into dreaded MS territory. It's fine to have her be pretty but one too many "full red lips" and old-time readers start to get wary. ;)
But overall, I think you did a fine job. The anecdote the exile tells is original and I like how you tied it into B-D's calling her the 'general.' It made for a well-rounded fic. And next time you write a B-D/Exile, let me know if I don't catch it. I can't get enough of that Zabrak...I'm just pervy like that. ;)