|Reviews for Origins of Humanity|
| Bob chapter 22 . 3/21
Please continue writing as I have quite enjoyed your stories.
| Andromedanaea chapter 19 . 8/2/2016
I very much enjoyed this pic and would like to know what happened next. Please update!
| TheOldMasters chapter 22 . 3/27/2016
They found Kobol AND there's a full-scale Goa'uld invasion of the Colonies already?
I can't find too many holes in this fic as a logical flow from one step to the next, but as a STORY it does not seem like it can sustain itself.
The attack on Alania also seems very out-of-the-blue, and with no background as to how or why it happened, making it feel engineered to cause the arrival on Kobol. And your holoband technology being able to engage the auto-wormhole feature in the Stargate also seems broken - it is far too easy for them to do that so quickly, when only the Nox, Asgard, and ascended ancients have shown that ability.
Kobol as a mystery could and should have been drawn out for far, far longer, with pieces of the puzzle falling into place over a few years. Since its Ba'al, he could have come up with a far more clever plan, and had the Colonials on tenterhooks awaiting a Goa'uld invasion without knowing any specifics about who or when it would occur. And of course, the Cylons have gotten very little screen time and their intentions in this new reality are still unknown. There's also the issue of Ba'al being able to figure out where the Colonies are and then attack them in less than a week. For one, Cain's fleet is lost, and even if they got a map of their position from Earth during that brief contact, only Cain's staff would know - and none of those would have been in a position to be captured by Ba'al. Second, the navigators would only be able to plot jumps relative from their own position, and the only places they've done so before would be in the Colonies themselves - none of their knowledge would be useful to Ba'al for finding where the heck they came from.
One thing I particularly hoped was to have a glimpse into the maneuvering done to lay the groundwork from bringing in other countries into the know of the Stargate while following the plans the Colonies had suggested from their own experience.
The detailed slow-work is outstanding. You've really portrayed how a large government would execute a coordinated response, though there is a lack of tangles/bureaucracy/NID-equivalents. This would seem to be poised to rear its head after the destruction of the Colonial StarGate Command.
Still, if you're set on your timeline and you decide to return to writing this story, then I'm interested in how disclosure on the Twelve Colonies goes after, and how Adama manages to save the day and take down the invasion (because of course he will).
| deitarionSSokolow chapter 13 . 10/4/2015
In case it helps, here's one of the reasons people tend to say "no more crossovers".
1. As readers, we value sensible causality in our stories. You get one "divergence point from canon" for free (the change which sets your story off in a different direction than canon) and "SG-1 and BSG exist in the same universe" uses that up. Everything else should feel natural when interpreted as ripples from that change.
Crossing in an extra one without making the sense of immersion more shallow is much more difficult, even if you can use the "they were there, off-camera, all along" excuse.
In short, as the number of sources rises linearly, the "You expect me to buy that?" effect ratchets up exponentially.
2. A satisfying story has a clearly defined atmosphere, tone, and mood. By writing a fanfic, you piggyback on the ones established by your source series. The more sources you mix in, the more discordant those become. (Unless you're writing something that's meant to feel a bit flighty and you're using the "Anime Japan" pseudo-setting that a lot of fanfiction for 80s/90s anime and manga uses to play with the idea that Japan is a crazy crazy place that's too busy trying to pretend to be normal for pockets of crazy like Ranma , Sailor Moon, or Tenchi Muyo to discover each other. The Virus by C. Jones is probably the best exploration I've seen of the implications of that.)
This and the need for a proper sense of relevance is one of the reasons "a multiversal jump drive" isn't a magic fix for the "you expect me to buy that?" effect.
3. In prose, the passage of time slows as your level of detail increases. Every new series inherently commits you to giving proper attention to more things, which makes it harder to both pass time quickly enough to keep an interesting pace and spend enough detail on exploring each element to be satisfying.
| Nimitz chapter 8 . 7/19/2015
Ah, that most idiotic oxymoron, 'Joint command.' Joint command means divided command which means command by committee which means disaster. The US has lost every war since 1945 because of 'joint' command.
| romanhellhound chapter 22 . 1/29/2015
Keep up the good work I am loving how this whole story is playing out.
| HaywireEagle chapter 14 . 1/7/2015
The Milky Way Galaxy is only 100-120,000 Light years in diameter. Just for future ref. So you might want to pick something a bit more modest. Still. That is a lot of space to poke around in. (pun intended!)
| HaywireEagle chapter 13 . 1/7/2015
Honestly. I feel that between BSG and SG-1. You have enough to work with. Adding in more than what you have now would make things overly complicated. So lets keep Joss Wheadon out of this fo rnow.
| polarpwnage chapter 1 . 12/4/2014
Fic is kinda weird, the Goa'uld controlled THOUSANDS of worlds, doesn't mean their fleet was in the thousands, just the amount of planets and systems under their collective control. You could've made this fic work without skewing it so much and nerffingvthe aliens. 12 colonies may be small but their population is still a significant percentage of the human population in the galaxy due to population density. Do more research
| LoneWolf1968 chapter 22 . 10/1/2014
| Guest chapter 2 . 7/4/2014
The fact you're fast tracking the language barrier makes me discontinue this story. Its just lazy writing.
You are totally ignoring the fact of language drift and that SG1 speaks Modern English whereas the Colonials will speak an extreme dialect of Ancient Greek. Kill the realism why dont'cha.
Fast track all you want, I just won't bother to read it.
| john777 chapter 22 . 6/15/2014
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/5/2014
I am fed up with stories where alien civilisations just happen to speak English.
The fact you have deliberately dumbed your story down due to your laziness means I will not bother to read anything else you read.
| Hat O' Doom chapter 22 . 2/21/2014
Thid story is really good! Thanks for the read, I had an enjoyable time
| KzintiKiller chapter 22 . 11/30/2013
This is a terrific story. It will be a shame if it's never finished.