Reviews for Denaiza's Diary
James Bailey chapter 13 . 11/23/2013
where is the update to this good story
wendums chapter 13 . 11/30/2011
Different type of story. I love reading DRoP fics and a slightly altered one from norm is good. I do hope you have written a sequel
mary-sue killer chapter 3 . 1/18/2007
hmm, you know what, i know that your other reviewers said this, but she doesn't really sound like an almost 7-year-old. i think you should just change her age. like, take the story down, make the age like, 10 or 12 or something, then repost it! yes, that would be good. i know that she has good grammar and writing cos her mom's a harper, but that shouldn't change her surprisingly older personality. that's all! i look forward to more. :)
mary-sue killer chapter 2 . 1/18/2007
like it! wonderful wonderful. great job!
mary-sue killer chapter 1 . 1/18/2007
ooh, this sounds interesting! im going to read more.
Suika chapter 2 . 1/16/2007
she writes too maturely for a child of...six, did you say? from what I've read (I have read every book, and that's no boast) most children on Pern by that age, while they are starting to learn their teaching ballads and read, are only just learning to write and reckon with simple words and numbers (if they get the chance at all, depending on where they live, what status they have, and if they have access to a Harper)

nor would they waste paper or hide on a child so young

point is, she doesn't write like a six year old. I cannot believe this.
cathrl chapter 13 . 1/15/2007
To me, Denaiza sounds very much older than the age you've given her all the way through this, and there's something vaguely Jane Austen in her writing style. There's just nothing childlike in what she writes. It's mid to late teens all the way through. One example: a child who is not quite seven simply doesn't rationalise things like "Perhaps I am simply a weakling who is scared of the boogieman". She'd think something like "Tynus is a bad man who gave me nasty medicine and I don't want to talk to him" and that would be as far as it got. I do appreciate this is a diary and she doesn't write everything down, but evil Tynus just comes over as a plot device here - she has no reason to distrust him in the story. And - she's six. Six year olds do not decide for themselves when to go to the doctor. Adults take them when they feel it's necessary.

"These are not healthy thoughts" - sounds more like a fifteen-year-old speaking than a six year old. She anticipates three days sitting on a runnerbeast and she thinks "that'll be a good time to learn songs". I'm just not seeing a little girl here at any point.

What happened to her mother to put her sister in charge of her? And why is she so worried about being left at the Hold? At any time, she can send her firelizard with a message for Lukiran to spill the beans that she's HAD. She'll be back in the Weyr before she can blink. I do appreciate this is only selected diary entries, but in order for it to read well as a story there are crucial plot points just missing.

You've got a very interesting idea here - that being able to hear the dragons might come on gradually and she'd be scared of it. The minor characters seem plausible (though I'm a little surprised that out of all those greens, none of them ever commented to their rider that she had to block the little girl out). And your writing is technically excellent. But for me Denaiza is just too self-aware to be believable.
astrokath chapter 13 . 1/15/2007
You know the problem I have with this story? The writing style doesn't change at all between entry 1 and entry 12, despite a large number of years passing. Also, Denaiza seems far more mature for her years than I can believe - even the age-11 entries are pushing it. Make her less insightful, less OHMIGOD-Speshul! intelligent, and try and show a bit of character development. Otherwise, you're looking right at a grade A1 Sue in the making.

For starters, if you added 5 years to her age, things'd read a LOT more realistically.
Rimmersworld chapter 13 . 1/14/2007
well , I read all your entries in 1 hit and found that the younger ages appeared more adult than they should have been.

but luckily She quickly grew up.

I'm not much of a fan of diary snooping but if you could tell the story (from after the whingy bits) It could be a very interesting Revelation and some amazing tales to tell.

Good luck
astrokath chapter 1 . 1/14/2007
RE: HAD Moreta.

Moreta of Fort was not a HAD, as you all know. But we know that Alessan and Oklina planned to call their first daughter Moreta. Anne confirmed that this second Moreta (Moreta II) was HAD, and went on to impress a Benden gold. After several centuries, the two Moretas were eventually confused as being the same person.

Pure retcon of course, but it's how Anne reconciles the discrepancies between "Moreta" and "Dragonflight".