|Reviews for the Suffering Revisited|
| FireChainsaw chapter 1 . 5/14/2007
Hey. Good story, with just a little room for improvement.
The story is written well, though sometimes your protagonist comes off like he's reciting goth poetry describing just how hellish Carnate is. Also, I'm having a wee bit of trouble believing that a group of trained soldiers with heavy ordinance would get wiped out so fast, inexperienced they may be, considering the number of characters equipped with much less that held out so much longer in the plot of the first game (Consuela makes it off the island, but five trained killers get wiped in a blink of an eye?). I can see how it's necessary so you can wrap this up in one chapter, but they could have killed one malefactor...
About said ordinance,the team being armed with ak's struck me as curious; fine guns though they are, I'm not aware of they're being in use by any US government outfit. It doesn't detract a great deal from the feasibility of the story the story to see them armed with Kalashnikovs, but there are certainly assault rifles of comparable quality a US team would be more likely to use. I also found it somewhat monotanous that they'd all be using the same gun -no specialzation- and hoped they'd find/improvise new weapons as the story progressed; but the rapid ending precluded that.
In the account of the first death, the narrator says:
"It dove out of the ground so fast, I wasn’t able to notice any detail before it hit him. But I could tell that it appeared to be wrapped in a burlap sack, somehow still managing to dig through the hardened concrete."
Seems to me if he can guess the material it was covered in, that counts as a detail. Not complaining, judt seems a bit incongruent... A qualifying adjective would help.
A couple errors were made; a previous reviewer pointed out the one about the execution date, so I won't reiterate it. Also, this:
"A new inmate had arrived. His name was Torque—his first name slipped my mind a long time ago"
I can't quote dialogue from the game to prove it, but I think it's at least implicit that "Torque" was just an alias; his proper given name or surname is never given.
Other than those minor points, a great piece of work.
| spearofhope chapter 1 . 4/28/2007
oh nice plot twist. wel written, it really felt like a scary movie/survival horror game
| Runhard chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
Hey- really good story, I really liked your style of writing. Two things though- Torque was brought to Carnate in September, and his execution wasn't until December (I believe in the story at some point you said that he was to be executed the next day), and he was to be executed by lethal injection, not electric chair (although maybe you already knew that, and were just changing that to make Carnate seem more disgustin). Anyways, 10 out of 10 for the story writing, and I do hope you write a second chapter. )