|Reviews for Never Forgoten Melody|
| Saiyan Chik chapter 1 . 4/5/2013
Wow how sweet you a awesome author!
| 4taileddemon'Aura chapter 1 . 6/15/2009
| jere7782 chapter 1 . 8/16/2007
short sweet, perfect!
| GaaraFangirl2112 chapter 1 . 3/11/2007
| Tyxon Strife chapter 1 . 2/26/2007
aww how sweet. The man who killed her mom kind of remindes me of Zabuza
| LordHatredX chapter 1 . 2/22/2007
| XxXJTDXxX chapter 1 . 2/7/2007
that was so good! i really liked it
| MissWorded chapter 1 . 1/23/2007
Okay, so I've kind of made a vow where I'm going to review every story I read... and I may make some constructive criticism. Please don't take it as a personal attack (which has happened to me before!)
The first scene, where Naruto is meeting with Kiba after he's trained, has a couple of phrases that kind of make it awkward to read. Things like "Thanx" and "C ya" are kind of e-mail slang and aren't usually sued when writing a story.
Also, the "explained/asked" part. Just pick a label and stick with it. When using those labels (asking/explaining/etc) you can use said a lot more than most people actually do. The reader really doesn't notice and it becomes 'transparent'. Sometimes, you don't need any attachment to a quote at all.
Just some grammar stuff (cause I'm a stickler like that): numbers are usually written out [ex. 3rd door on the right vs. third door on the right; 4 minutes vs four minutes]. Be sure you're using the right word - you say somewhere in the story 'threw' when the word should be 'through'. Sound the same, but very different meanings. 'I'll look who it is after I'm done playing' also sounds sorta of uncomfortable. Try putting 'I'll look to see who it is', which sounds a little more polished and readable.
You don't have to explain Naruto's every action, like when he's thinking that it's not going to be fun to give the present to Hinata. You wrote at the end 'Naruto thought, explaining to himself'. That entire phrase is really unnecessary; we know he's explaining it to himself. Another unneeded part is when he's waiting at Hinata's house: 'He walked through the gate with his arms behind his head and a big smile on his face... he walked up to the door and knocked on it. he waited for five seconds...' etc., etc. It's too much detail and frankly, it's rambling. Try "he walked up to the door and waited, soon greeted by a Hyuuga attendant" or something along those lines.
And the flip-flops you're describing I think are geta. You can google them to see if that's what you're talking about.
So! I really hope you don't hate me now. I know that writing really is important to people and that posting work is kind of a soul-bearing thing. So please don't take this as a personal attack. I just want to help, okay? Ciao, bella!
| Honeymusterd chapter 1 . 1/20/2007
hey! what was the present anyway?
| eyabayeya chapter 1 . 1/19/2007
What was Kiba's gift?
| lilmissmay92 chapter 1 . 1/19/2007
| DarkxPrince chapter 1 . 1/19/2007
Very cute. Nice story. Although I would like to see the picture since the link didn't work. The story was still good.
| Alucard180 chapter 1 . 1/19/2007
very nice theimage address didnt work but this story doesnt need it
| The Reverse Edge Blade chapter 1 . 1/19/2007
Hinata is so cute! Great job with this story!
Naruto was cool too, with how he exclaimed all the time, and then was so good at feeling sympathy.
Only one slight comment: please work on your grammar. It interferes slightly with the reading.
Apart from that: This story rules! I'll check out your profile, see what else you've got.
The Reverse Edge Blade
| just add water lily chapter 1 . 1/19/2007