|Reviews for One Goes Alone|
| blueeyesandliterature chapter 1 . 8/28/2007
This is great! Very well written.
| Calamity Kitten chapter 1 . 2/21/2007
Whoa. 'Hit between the eyes' is the appropriate term I guess...
Great, that one. Definitely. I always felt sorry for Will since he will now be completely alone. To have him come right out and say (or rather 'shout') it at Merriman is...tough. But it shows that he, after all, is still human *feels the urge to hug Will*
Thanks for sharing this, I really enjoyed reading it!
| celticfox chapter 1 . 1/21/2007
Ahh! No! Spiffy flames!
I'm sorry about the grammar mistakes. I guess I wrote this kind of quickly and my grammar checker didn't pick up on things like that. Next time I will be more careful.
Thanks so much for the review, it made my day!
| Sargent Snarky chapter 1 . 1/20/2007
I always secretly wanted Will to do that. It's nice to see I'm not the only one. )
The only flames I'll give you are the flames of... um... spiffiness. Yeah. There're totally spiffy flames! Because I say so.
ANYWAY (and do forgive my rambly-ness; it's nearly two am here)...
The idea itself is sound, but I have a few nitpicky things to, well, nitpick. Feel free to ignore them - it's your prerogative, but... I still wish to point them out.
1) "The Dark have never hurt anyone but the Light! "
Even though "The Dark" is collective, referring to all of the members of the Dark, it is still a singular noun. As such, it shouldn't be paired with 'have'. Rather, it ought to be: "The Dark has never hurt anyone but the LIght!"
2) "Your stupid religion,"
Mm... that particular term seems a bit out of place. I don't know why. It fits, but for whatever reason, it jarred me a bit. I can't really picture Will saying that, or at least not saying it in those terms.
Then again, maybe that's just 'cause it's nearly two am and I'm sleepy.
3) "He sees the pain he’s causing Merriman, but he doesn’t care. Merriman never cares about him."
I think you should be a bit more careful with your pronoun reference. 'Tis a bit confusing. Granted, it is completely possible to figure out to whom each 'he' refers simply by context, but you still ought to be more careful. Why? Because if you get into the habit of being loose with your pronoun references, then later on in your writing, you might write some confusing tangles, and it's better to avoid those. Also, it's just... incorrect.
I didn't make up the rules, so don't yell at me for 'em, but according to every grammar book I've ever read, that's the rules.
Eh... who cares about rules? X3
Haha. Will's being angsty. And angry... and very, very human.
I love it!
And lest I forget... -does first review dance-
Um... yeah. I should probably go to bed, now.
Keep up the good writing!