|Reviews for Memoirs of Past|
| Moonspun Dragon chapter 1 . 9/30/2008
This was pretty good!:D Nice,deals with how Vader might've felt when Luke refused nice.:D
| Mathematica chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
Wow! I loved this, and I believe that you have Vader's thoughts down perfectly in this little ficlet. I adored the way that you said that he did not feel anger at his son's actions, but pride, and the way that you characterised Vader was completely believable, so kudos to you :D
Thank you for your review on Requiem! I'm just posting up a new LukeVader piece, about Luke redeeming Vader. Damn it, to think that I used to write humour!
| Marriella Bullet chapter 1 . 7/28/2007
Ooh this sparks my imagination. Nice job.
| Treenahasthaal chapter 1 . 2/26/2007
I'm very impressed - your command of English is good and I adore little pieces like this that get into a character's head and Vader/Anakin's head is a great place to play about as a writer! Well done.
| ILDV chapter 1 . 1/20/2007
| frodogenic chapter 1 . 1/20/2007
This isn't bad. I like that Vader is surprised by Luke's survival. However, you had a couple of unfortunate mistakes in tense that gave Vader something of a punk homie gangsta sound at points("the boy got spunk"). You should go back and change those "got"s to "had"s. Usually it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but since this oneshot focuses on Vader, any discrepancy in his character is going to affect the whole piece. But once you fix that, though, I think this is a beautiful little vignette. Overall, nice work!
| skywalker05 chapter 1 . 1/20/2007
Negative comments: You have these run-on sentences where semicolons and commas are breeding like confused rabbits. Example: "Something swarmed inside him, something oppressive, dark…a small flame that had previously, almost unseen, unknown and denied from him flickered; and once more, and died; leaving him alone into the darkness." Let's see, I'd write it like this: "Something swarmed inside him, something oppressive and dark...a small flame that had previously, almost unseen and denied, flickered once more and died. It left him alone in the darkness." Or so. The way you wrote it was very confusing. Same with "Had denied the truth, and though, he ought to feel anger and hatred, Vader found it odd that despite of the plan his immature and untrained son had wrecked and spoiled; this youth, who didn’t possess even half of Vader’s knowledge over the Force; despite of Lord Vader’s apparent failure in converting the boy…" I don't understand enough what you want the subject of that Star Destroyer of a line to be to rewrite it. Make sure you chop the size down, and clarify your points.
"shuttered" should be spelled 'shuddered'.
Though this is a very introspective piece, I want some more physical description to ground it in the movie.
"The boy got spunk. He got spirit, courage and self-esteem." You want to say "The boy had spunk. etc.".
Positive comments: You make a lot of interesting ideas and connections out of this oft-known scene. The fact that Vader is half-impressed with his son's choice to the light side, the description of Luke falling; they are well done. Some of your imageries, as in that part with the snakelike emotions and in "Something swarmed inside him" are very well worded. Nice story to concrete the Star Wars ideologies of relationship and hope, while still keeping your personal self in it.