|Reviews for Trinity Blood and Blood Plus: The other Sister|
| ObsidianEmpress chapter 4 . 1/10/2009
Great story. I can't wait for chapter 5. Please post it soon. I really liked the way you used Blood for Chapters 2 and 3. I also liked the way you used episode 7 and 5 from Trinity Blood. So far so good.
| Silveromance chapter 3 . 7/4/2007
go you wohoo
| Nenshite chapter 3 . 7/4/2007
Hmm, I got kinda lost in the middle though. ; Try slowing it down, and include descriptions to the place around her. What she was doing, etc.
| RedwoodGinger chapter 2 . 6/21/2007
Coolio! Is this based off that one episode where the chick (Wendy) is an experiment of some sort and controls other kids with the ringing of some kind of bell? I'm just asking cause it sparked my memory.
| Sabrina is Crazy chapter 2 . 6/16/2007
I love it when oc's are added into the original plot.. and i thought it was really funny when her and leon got into the fight lmao keep up the good work!
| kiri268 chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
i like it so far and i can't wait for the next chapter to come out
| Nenshite chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
Heh, I love the song she chose. _
You did a great job, but next time, you can add a bit more details. Details are your friend, as it wuill NEVER bite your hand! _
Just continue hun. Just remember, space out your fic a bit. Don't let everything happen at once, ya know what I mean? If you need any help with this and more, I am available. But since I have summer school, my schedule is booked, ya know? LOL.
Do continue! xD
| Wolf Lupin chapter 2 . 5/14/2007
First of all, your grammar is atrocious. Say it with me: I do believe in commas, I do, I do.
Careful with those exclamation points. One day they might mutiny against you for having so many together at the end of one sentence. The periods might join them for being neglected.
The point of view switches are confusing and annoying. Especially between first person and third person. Try to keep them to a minimum.
Ah, the flash of white light. Such a horribly overused plot device for the lazy.
..."Strong yet whiny voice"? Have you ever heard of an oxymoron?
Tres is not an idiot. "Never believe me in a million years" is something he would understand. He just doesn't understand things that have double entendres, nor does he understand slang.
Your OC is...well, I can only describe her as stupid and one-dimensional. Stupid because she's mouthing off to someone who is obviously quite willing to kill her, and one-dimensional because she has no character beyond being mouthy and easily offendable. Because honestly, I don't see how anyone could consider it sexist when Abel said that she might be able to help because she's a girl. Young girls...identify with girls, not much older men.
Maybe you'll take my advice to heart.
| Red-oro Gami chapter 1 . 4/28/2007
I know this is rude but you disabled your private message and I don't know your e-mail...so please message me.
| anna'azure chapter 2 . 1/30/2007
great so far keep up da good work and write summore!:D
| Kusumita chapter 2 . 1/25/2007
Ok. Back Up. Stop.
…I always thought Trinity Blood would be safe from the Self inserts -_- Alas, that dream has been crushed and spat upon. Oh well, to the reviewing. Guess what, this is not a flame! Just making it clear sweetheart.
Firstly, writing is describing. Don’t give us a profile page of your Mary Sue ,not OC, Mary Sue. We write with letters not numbers, so replacing all the 1 with one and 3 with three with help a boat load some.
O. How original. A white light. Yeah. It worked the first trillion and four times and a fifth time is NOT needed.
Your character is unrealistic. There is a man without the hesitation to shoot her and she mouths off. This does not show that your character is a tough, tomboy for it shows that she is stupid and needs to learn her place.
Tres knows terms. There are merely words and not slang. “Never in a million years” is just, obvious common sense which Tres was programmed with. Thank you for demeaning his obvious high ranking character -_-
A little more realism would be delightful thanks. You’re character is pretty bland from what’s I’ve gathered and is a little bit too comfortable in a world she now entered so brush up on that.
More description would help. The story is lacking a bit of character due to the lack of being able to see because you are only telling.
Anyway. You need some serious work. I’d advise getting a beta; a very good one who can help you improve.
| Nenshite chapter 2 . 1/23/2007
Nice improvement! PLEASE continue! If you don't, I'll take out my chainsaw! XD
| Silveromance chapter 1 . 1/22/2007
| Guest chapter 1 . 1/21/2007
Uh..you could try to make it a bit longer, and more in depth. Don't get me wrong, it's really, good, and the plot caught my attention like lightning, but length would be nice.
| TheGirlWhoWaited chapter 1 . 1/21/2007
ohh! update soon! :D