Reviews for Superhuman
Boggy chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
Ebony Princess:

Firstly, I'd like to thank you for taking time to read and review. I appreciate all critiques, whether they be praise or criticism of my work. But because your signature is an anonymous one, and I have no way of contacting you, I'd like to clear up any misunderstandings within a separate review.

The "brotherhood" relationship at the beginning of the story establishes the connection between the aforementioned "bouncer buddies," but not necessarily Jann Lee. It only serves to further emphasize Jann Lee's isolated nature (he continually refuses their offers, as is stated in the fic). BUT, while Jann Lee is a loner, he IS capable of having mutual respect for others (for example, the relationship he has with Hayabusa during the DOA Championships). Jann Lee isn't "hanging out" with these men—they're co-workers. The relationship is strictly professional.

As for cliches, yes—these men ARE a breed of cliche. But the difference here is that men of this sort of growing environment, as professional bouncers in a cruddier area of town, are very likely to drink, love nude bars, and possess a general "perversion" (they're also young). There's a difference between overwhelmingly cliche, and general or acceptable characteristics of a social class. It also helps that the men are only flashes at the beginning of the fic; they're not the focal point of the entire piece. They are also an exaggerated contrast to Jann Lee's more focused, contemplative personality.

As for Lei Fang, if you've played any of the DOAX2 title, you'll know that Lei Fang and Jann Lee's relationship has evolved since the 4th Tournament. It's even stated, by Lei Fang herself, that she and Jann Lee are engaged to be married. If such is the case, it really isn't that unlikely or improbable that she and Jann Lee share living quarters (but perhaps still feel awkward about progressing to the next level before an official ceremonial wedding). And I never specified how much time had passed since the 4th Tournament, meaning Lei Fang and Jann Lee may have had months (or even a full year) to learn to treat one another as friends, rather than "rivals."

I also wanted to mention that I have never once stated (either in my stories or my user bio) that my style is the "be all, end all" style of writing. It is critiqued to give authors an as authentic as possible interpretation of the characters based on source material from the original series (as is stated in my profile). Nor do I expect my writing to appeal to all audiences everywhere (I think most readers find it too verbose).

In closing, I'd like to thank you once again for taking time to review. I hope this better clarifies the story for you.
Ebony Princess chapter 1 . 12/13/2007
Hm.

Strange.

I notice how you harp on characterization a lot, and yet your characterization here seems to be a little off. Jann Lee is a loner. He doesn't have friends. I know the bouncer buddies/brotherhood thing was created to fit this story, but I can't see him hanging with anyone, let alone a bunch of perverted guys who get drunk and spend their evenings at nude bars.

You harp about cliches too and how you avoid them. Well, Jann Lee's bouncer friends are cliche as well, being the immature friends who swear, have perverted and inappropriate behavior, and are in need of a senior counterpart to keep them in line.

Lei Fang seemed very OOC as well. Her story with Jann Lee here is merely tossed aside and they are instantly made into bedroom buddies. Her relationship with him here seems odd as well, since I don't quite see how she can go from having a strong passion to beat him to being a girl sneaking over at night and sleeping within his quarters.

I guess what I'm trying to say is people have their own styles and preferences for how they write characters, and you act like your characterization is the most authentic when it really isn't.

Not trying to flame. That's just something I wanted to point out.
Dream.Wish.Hope chapter 1 . 10/2/2007
that was cute. i loved everything about it. excellent work! :D hope you write another one asap!
Yvonnia chapter 1 . 7/6/2007
This is really good. Very well written and well characterized. I loved it.
DezoPenguin chapter 1 . 6/19/2007
Oh, this one is good. Really good. I like the characterizations of Jann Lee's bouncer pals at the beginning, and how their dialogue falls into place so nicely with the thumbnail sketches of their personality. And as for the exchange between Jann Lee and Lei-Fang (hm...I bet that hyphen is going to get deleted by the text editor...), it's positively exquisite. I'm jealous of the way you describe Jann Lee's reactions to Lei-Fang; it's erotic rather than just sexual. And the way you describe their relationship is nice as well (and I love the "'fabricated' rivalry" phrase...so well put), but more importantly, true to their characters, reflecting the fact that Jann Lee is definitely the more introspective and controlled of the two while Lei-Fang is more impulsive and used to getting what she wants out of life.

Bonus points for using the word "pastiche," too. :)
Selphie Ivy chapter 1 . 6/19/2007
Really sweet, I loved it! Jann lee and Leifang are a really cute couple! x
casper23 chapter 1 . 2/2/2007
Good, strong, solid stuff. Well done.
Tjix chapter 1 . 2/2/2007
That was beautiful. It really must have taken a superhuman effort to resist such a temptation. He really does seem to love her-and I suppose that's exactly why he won't ruin her innocence, as hard as that is for him. It rather reminds me of Marcus and Hadassah in the Mark of the Lion series-but in that series, it was only her honor at first that kept her out of his bed. Then he started changing... but that's off the subject. My point is, this work was beautifully and soulfully done and I really loved it.
Thunderxtw chapter 1 . 1/30/2007
Well, I must admit that I am quite surprised that I missed this fic. Although it was in the M rated section where I really don't follow too many stories there.

In the beginning, I was not really fond of Jann Lee and Lei Fang coupling, but it's kind of grown on me now.

I like this relationship you've built between Jann Lee and Lei Fang. I myself have an idea similar to this, but I'm glad I'm not alone in writing it.

You even did an awesome job of staying in Jann Lee's Point of View through the whole thing without jumping into Lei Fang's or his bouncer buddies minds.

I liked your description of Lei Fang's looks and mannerisms. Not to mention Jann Lee's quiet nature. And, like one friend told me in another story, it's nice to see their doing something other than just yelling at each other.

Well, their at peace now, but what happens next? I'll be sure to keep an eye out for this one.

I've been meaning to update my fic, it's just taking longer than expected. But I'm sure it'll be up very soon. ;)
Gleeful Melancholy chapter 1 . 1/26/2007
What the hell. OMG.

This story completely encompassed my own views of how Jann Lee and Lei Fang are related. At one point in my life I thought it was too complicated of a relationship to pinpoint in words, with too little room for mistake or else it wouldn't seem canon, and it would just be another bad attempt at a simplified love/hate rivals story. But now I see that it can be done, and I'd rather not try and compete with this one. :P It was really beautiful, the internal monologues and minimal dialogue really served it well.

I kind of got confused in the beginning with all those pronouns...too many "he's" and "him's" for me to keep track of, but that's just me.

The only other suggestion I have for you is to drop this story down to rated T, because I know you had a problem deciding which one to do, but there's nothing inappropriate in here. You'd would get a lot more traffic, and a lot more praise which this story definitely deserves.

No seriously, I really REALLY liked your portrayals. Great job and please keep writing!