|Reviews for They Came From Outworld|
| writer6886 chapter 4 . 2/25/2010
Your fight scenes are well written but you still move to fast. Also why aren't the Earthrealm warriors doing anything but watching?
| writer6886 chapter 2 . 2/24/2010
your story at the moment is a rushed. Its more of a slide show that a story. You fail to give detail as well as reasons to trust Raiden and these new warriors. Robin definately has trust issues yet here it is not shown. Also watch your spelling.
| writer6886 chapter 1 . 2/24/2010
Two tiny mistakes with your story. Kano has never worked for the Red Dragons. He was caught an tested but that is it. Also Reptile is the last of his race unless you want to could Chameleon and Khameleon. Other than that tis story is great.
| CharNobyl chapter 2 . 4/14/2009
Ugh, good God. I saw this under Mortal Kombat crossovers, and I thought it was a pretty new concept. Two franchises that are largely reliant on solving issues with fistfights with limited projectile use. Hell, it could easily be the sequel to Marvel vs. DC.
Then I read the first chapter, and I felt like my eyes would go Raiders of the Lost Ark on me at the God-awful writing of this. I've seen porn flicks with better dialogue. Still on that note, you seem to be trying to make Mortal Kombat family friendly. It's not. They curse. Get over it. You won't be putting out a Mortal Kombat story for kids, so you might as well stop writing as if you are.
The other review mentions "minor" errors. I see major typographical issues, not to mention the generally horrific state of the writing. He's giving you far too much credit.
I genuinely do not want to read any further than chapter one. The first chapter was so horrible and ham-handed that it completely undid the creative appeal of the crossover. I advise that you do one of several things:
1) Never write fanfiction again. Ever.
2) Get a damn good betareader.
3) Give the idea to someone competent and have them write it.
4) Learn to write better, then do rewrite it and hope that it doesn't suck anymore.
Sorry, mate, but this is the truth. Maybe the next five chapters are amazing, but the first one is terrible, and I have no desire to sift through shit to find less-smelly shit.
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 3/13/2007
I used to have the original Mortal Kombat on my PC, and I loved it, and I watched the first MK movie when it came out, but it’s been so long that I didn’t even recognize the name “Kano” right away. It wasn’t until you used the phrase “Mortal Kombat” in the text that the penny dropped and I thought, “Ah ha! Now I know what this is all about!” (That was also when I finally realized what the inspiration was for your username.)
Interesting juxtaposition of the nice wholesome non-murderous Teen Titans on the one hand, and the bloodthirsty villains of Mortal Kombat on the other.
Now for a couple of nitpicks over typographical errors and the like, to show that I was paying attention.
* “I was told to meet someone here” replied the figure who was revealed to be a man with a red cyborg-like eye. *
When the first part of a longer sentence is spoken dialogue, followed by other words telling us who's speaking and what else they might be doing, the spoken dialogue part of the sentence does not end with a period when it otherwise would. You apparently understand that part already. And you understand that if the first part of a sentence is spoken dialogue that needs a ! or ? instead of a period, then the ! or the ? should be left there even though the longer sentence is continuing outside the quotation marks.
What you evidently didn't know is that the spoken dialogue part should still have some punctuation - a comma - right before the closing quotation marks and the remainder of the sentence. You make that mistake several times in this chapter. And I think you could use another comma later in that sentence, for a different reason.
So I'd suggest:
“I was told to meet someone here,” replied the figure, who was revealed to be a man with a red cyborg-like eye.
* “Is it some of our old villains we faced before?” asked Starfire. *
A bit redundant? If it was "old villains," then by definition it would be villains the Titans had faced before. I'd suggest boiling down her question to either "Is it some of our old villains?" or else "Is it some of the villains we've faced before?"