|Reviews for Everything Returns|
| Vynne chapter 12 . 1/30/2009
Hey! You want to forget about this fanfic? Please don't! I think this is really good! Ideas? Well, you could have her sneak out and try to talk to them...Have Victoria show up...A variety of things!
Please don't give up? -puppy eyes-
| AtlantisCat101 chapter 12 . 11/28/2008
don't delete this story!
| helenatheblackparade chapter 12 . 12/12/2007
I like the story...I'm sorry to here about you'r mom...I just lost my mom to a heart condiction...Things will get better even if they dont seem like it...
| when night calls chapter 11 . 7/10/2007
GASP! update! now!
| Souzousei chapter 11 . 6/12/2007
Wow. That's amazing. A great twist to the overall story.
| Kapperz1212 chapter 11 . 6/11/2007
NO! Bells can't leave now!
maybe she gains control of this coven and all of the cullens come to boston and end up convincing to live like they do (vegeterianism) and they all move up to Denali or siberia or something lol?
yes! thats what im hoping at least lol...
sorry if these reviews got tiresome
i just love this story and i HAD to leave one for every chapter hahaha :)
| Kapperz1212 chapter 10 . 6/11/2007
morphing underground vampires? goodness gracious what could be next! the anticipation...
"I was naïve. I was really was. If I...":(only was is needed lol)
"It hurt to breath, let alone...":(breathe? the nouns and verbs of that verb are easy to mix up)
| Kapperz1212 chapter 9 . 6/11/2007
NO! OH NO! EDWARD COME BACK i scream at the computer screen haha
ah! this is intense
"This comforted me slightly, but not by much. But not by a long shot" :(the second 'but' is a bit repetitive)
| Kapperz1212 chapter 7 . 6/11/2007
oh my lord underground vampires
ps Bristol is a large industrious city in England near London that was a hub of trade through eastern europe through the 12th century :)
but im pretty sure thats not what ur looking for lol
| Kapperz1212 chapter 6 . 6/11/2007
oh my goodness how much else can happen to these two
haha maybe you could dive a little deeper into the little touches and gazes that seem to dazzle Bella so often
she blushes and trips and her heart skips so much! mention those little moments even in scary times
| Kapperz1212 chapter 5 . 6/11/2007
love love love
hehe house all to themselves this could get interesting...
| Kapperz1212 chapter 4 . 6/11/2007
okay i think i have given enough structural advice lol i feel annoying haha
i love this idea! victoria always gets me worked up
im not sure Bella would be so worried about Edward turning his anger on her though (i like him being more adoring, but maybe thats just me)...also perhaps a mention of an intense worry or fear of losing her that Bella saw pass over Edward's face?
haha great so far
| Kapperz1212 chapter 3 . 6/11/2007
"My giggled stopped immediately at his causal touch," : ('giggles'?)
"He withdrew after a moment, and it still left me gasping." : (you sometimes insert unnecessary articles which can sometimes make the sentences seem over crowded (i tend to do the EXACT same thing haha) so is the "still" necessary?) try cutting out excess words
"and I avoided falling on my face only by this." :( this struck me as a little awkward. The sentence may have worked better as "Edward's supporting arm was the only thing that kept me on my feet as we walked down the staircase."? maybe, maybe not)
"Alice was chattering away about something human enough to keep the driver from catching on to us, he was human, afterall." :( like i mentioned earlier...excess articles "afterall", remember that if ppl are reading this story they have read Twilight and probably realize the caution the Cullens have... maybe itd be better put as "Alice was chattering away about some generically human topic that kept the driver from persistently the stunning beauty and obvious abnormality of the Cullens"?) again just a small suggestion.
"We exited out car, and the driver drove away" :('out of the car'?, or maybe 'we exited our car'?)
| Kapperz1212 chapter 2 . 6/11/2007
i love Alice haha..
"Alice starting over on my hair every so often, of my make-up," : (of is supposed to be 'or' im guessing)
"I didn’t mind slightly bothering Alice, but Esme I didn’t dare try. I sat still for the most part after that." : (phrasing seems a little awkward, and although Esme is the mother figure i never really saw Bella being intimidated or disciplined by her...maybe Jasper instead? he seems a little more irritable lol)
"I didn’t dare look into the mirror as Alice finished my make-up and started on my hair." : (didn't you already mention that Alice had already started on her hair? "Alice starting over on my hair every so often"...so chronology a little messed up?)
"and the wrest pulled up into a curling heap of twists" : (wrest is supposed to be 'rest'?)
haha ur a great writer
if these chapter by chapter things get bothersome let me know
| Kapperz1212 chapter 1 . 6/11/2007
i love it so far! you write BPOV really well and i love dress up scenes haha
be careful not to interrupt adverbs/prepositions and verb phrases with unneeded commas
ex: I rolled, over groaning...
I sat up quickly, looking at my alarm clock...(maybe it would be slightly less awkward if it were 'I sat up quickly and looked at my alarm clock')
so just tiny adjustments :)
keep it up and ill keep reviewing...every chapter lol get ready for it