Reviews for Prelude
Autumnvicky chapter 3 . 6/3
I could never fall in love with someone treating my friend like crap, even if he did say something mean to me. It would never make bullying okay, and would never be the kind of guy I'd want a relationship with.
KChief chapter 1 . 6/13/2010
Your story was very good. However, the jumping from time tom time is confusing. It would have been easier to follow if you had made the separation of time frames more evident.

Overall, the main plot was good!
whirlwind94 chapter 1 . 9/22/2009
This is very very good! It makes me sad, for Severus and the way his secret relationship with Lily fell through when she left him for James... she really betrayed him! But I like how you've connected his memories of her to the present, him seeing Harry at Hogwarts and all. Of course it would bring on constant flashbacks, seeing those "startlingly green eyes" all the time. Very well-written!
Loonynamelass chapter 3 . 7/21/2009
hmm... if only Lily reciprocated and didn't lie all the time... Lily is subtly crueler here than in J. K. Rowling's mind...
s u p e r x r h e a chapter 3 . 8/16/2007
Ooh...That's not a pleasant thing for Lily-dear. I feel utterly bad for Severus, any guy would get upset of hearing that the girl he likes, the one he's having a secret relationship with has snogged with his undying enemy. :[
FallOutBoyRoxx chapter 3 . 8/10/2007
I am torn on how to go about constructing this review. TORN. (Haha, story joke!)

Firstly, I'm sure you have an interesting take on the plot of this story. Unfortunately, I'm unable to figure out what that exact plot is. Some clarification would be your best friend in figuring this out.

Secondly, watch out for your grammar. There are a few places that could use some commas or don't actually need commas. Try reading your story aloud to see where you need the punctuation.

Thirdly, the drama is a little overblown in places which results in an almost immature sounding narration. For example, "Standing on the edge of a precipice… preparing to fall." Generally when one is standing on the edge of something they're already preparing to fall. Try not to over emphasize, redundancy is not the best.

Fourthly, watch out for wordiness. It really gets you in the end. For example, "Lily was frozen. The tears that had so often threatened to stream from her eyes had finally broken past any mental barriers she may have previously possessed. Tears clung to her eyelashes, framing those malachite eyes. Slowly, she shook her head" could probably be summed up in one neat, concise sentence.

That being said, good job! I hope this was of some help to you.

PS. Listen to FOB!

LUVZ, FallOutBoyRoxx.
Dea Olivae chapter 3 . 7/3/2007
OMG SHE'S A WHORE! Oh sorrythere this is really good. Aww poor snape I'm really loving this paring though...UPDATE SOON!
Beater1220 chapter 3 . 5/13/2007
No No No! They have to stay together it is just going to kill me other wise. The only way to get around them not being together and not break my soul in two is that Harry ends up being Severus' son. I know that it probably won't end up like that but it is wishful thinking.
lilyfan06 chapter 3 . 4/24/2007
okay, so i absolutely love your story so pretty, pretty, pretty please update ASAP!
InvalidAccount10001 chapter 2 . 3/8/2007
Oh, I didn't notice there were two more chapters when I reviewed the first one. *head desk* Personally, I thought it was nice as a one-shot, but a multi-chaptered story keeps your readers satisfied (at least for awhile!).

Once again, you have written a fantastic chapter! I love the way you write this ship. Flawless. The figurative language is brilliant. *scampers off to read chapter three*
InvalidAccount10001 chapter 1 . 3/8/2007
Great fic! Very well written and although it was short, the length worked for the point you were trying to get across. I'm a new Severus/Lily (well, I think Severus loved Lily, not vice versa, necesarily) shipper, ever since reading the Mugglenet book "What Will Happen in Harry Potter 7?".

I only found one flaw in your story, really more of a typo.

"How he longed to hex them into an oblivionHe watched them until they had disappeared into the stream of students weaving along the hallway."

You forgot to type a period after the first sentence and skip two spaces between the sentences.

Other than that minor mistake, your story was perfect. You are a great writer. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading more of your work. *favorites story and Your Undoing*
Rekkuza1 chapter 3 . 2/27/2007
hey, nice story! I didn't get the last part though on chapter 3. Update soon.
Serenity Meowth chapter 3 . 2/18/2007
*open mouth* :( sad!
razzzledazzzle chapter 3 . 2/10/2007
Holy cow... this is amazing. You have great talents at expressing emotion, my eyes were all watery when I read the end of chapter three. I can't wait to read more!
T-TrainOrTurkeyT chapter 3 . 2/8/2007
Aww. How sad! I feel bad for Severus! Update soon.
16 | Page 1 2 Next »