|Reviews for Friendship|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/9/2012
You need to put a warning in your story.
| Ms. New York chapter 1 . 7/4/2008
Hon, you made more than a few mistakes. You definitely made more than a few mistakes. It's sad if you have to review your own stories.
| Any time you want to use punctuation chapter 1 . 1/22/2004
Father said, "What the hell was that?"
Sonar said, "I'm all for constructive criticism, but-! God, have you heard of spell-check?"
Father said, "Or beta readers?"
Sonar said, "Not to mention, as I think somebody suggested, a good old thesaurus!"
Father said, "Not being a regular M*A*S*H viewer, I can't comment on the characterisation of canon charries! But I can say with confidence that real, living people (complete with personalities) do *not* speak like that!"
Sonar nodded (variety being the spice of life and all).
| wickedalchemist chapter 1 . 1/22/2004
Okay ... when I first read this, I honestly thought it was a parody.
Are they on drugs? Seriously, did they take ecstacy? Did *YOU* take ecstacy? Excuse me, I don't usually say this, but this story is crap.
| lexiaarcadia chapter 1 . 12/27/2003
I hate to say this but this was really, really bad. Was this a first attempt at a fanfic? It reads like one, a spell checker, a dictionary could help improve this slightly but the characterisation is so off base with father macully it seems like a diffrent character all together. Try drafting before you post another story.
| Katrina12 chapter 1 . 12/4/2002
Sonar said, Father said, Sonar said, Father said, Sonar said, Father said...oy vey! Use another word when you have your characters speak!
| GryffindorQueen1 chapter 1 . 5/1/2002
Sonar, I luv your fics. You can write M*A*S*H* fics really well!
| Helena chapter 1 . 4/28/2002
Oh my God, WHY DO YOU KEEP WRITING THIS CRAP? Seriously, are you home-schooled or just a little too inbred?
First off-no more exclamation points. Please. You've used up an entire lifetime supply in just this story alone.
Secondly-your characterization attempts are shamefully inadequate. I suggest you try actually watching M*A*S*H first before you start guessing what the characters will do. Your treatment of Father Mulcahy is frankly rather gross and inaccurate. He's a PRIEST for God's sake.
Thirdly-your spell checker-USE IT!
And lastly-"cormen" is not a word. There are "Corpsmen" in the Navy.
| Kirsti the Spooky Donut chapter 1 . 1/7/2002
I find this story extraordinarily disturbing. There is no realism, depth or creativity here. As others have mentioned, this is basically a badly rewritten version of an already done episode. The dialogue is monotonous and the constant use of !s is quite upsetting. The lack of character depth in Sonar reminds me of a zombie. I’m not anti Mary Sue—they can be amusing if they’re at least well-written and not completely self-insertion based. But this character is about as deep as a puddle. I agree with the person who suggested a thesaurus.
| Evil Yellow Day Moon chapter 1 . 9/29/2001
The only reason I ever enjoy reading your stories is because they are so incredibly ABSURD. I agree with Quoth the Raven. Your story was patheticly based off of the episode "Bombed". Even tiny subtalies. Hawkeye needed gloves. They opend the door with a crow bar. Shelling jammed it shut.
The thunder must have been very loud, seen as how everyone was shouting. Please don't do that agian.
Is English a second language to you? I must say, you have no sense of grammer. Please, buy yourself a dictionary.
You made it seem like a script.
Father Mulchaey said,
There are more descriptive terms than 'said'. While you're buying that dictionary, get a thesarus too.
Finally, why did you even mention the kiss with Major Houlihan? It was entirley beside the point and made you character lose a great amount of dignity. Although she didn't have much to begin with. If your character really loved Father Mulchaey, then she would not try to tarnish his preisthood.
Please, take this into consideration. Don't write another Sonar Story. She's wearing very thin.
| dontgiveahoot chapter 1 . 9/24/2001
Where to start with the literary sins here? Well, let's start at the beginning. SIN ONE : PLAGIARISM. This entire fic is basically a repetition of the Margaret Houlihan-Trapper John scene in the episode "Bombed" (third season), only with different characters, and this piece does the whole situation a lot more poorly than the true show. SIN TWO : CHARACTERIZATION RAPE. That is NOT Father Mulcahy in that fic, it's someone else that happens to have the same name. For a fan fiction to ring true, the character must BE the character. Father Mulcahy is a dedicated priest who would not admit so calmly to himself that he was "madly in love" with anyone - he went through much distress at the thought of his sister leaving her nun's vow's behind, and he certainly wouldn't take such a violation of his own vows so lightly (episode "Nurse Doctor" from season eight). He might fall in love, but he'd be in denial, not even realizing it himself. It'd probably take a lot of talking with his friends, and even Sidney Freedman, before he would admit it. SIN THREE : MARY-SUEISM. Sonar is not a character in M*A*S*H. In the aforementioned "Nurse Doctor" episode, a nurse was distraught because many did not take her doctoring ambitions seriously because of her gender. A female doctor in the M*A*S*H unit would not be so easily accepted as this "Sonar" is. Furthermore, the name Sonar is just a cheap knock-off of "Radar" O'Reilly, the company clerk and an actual character. Unlike this Sonar, however, Radar has a full name, as well as a personality. And unlike this Sonar, real sonar equipment has depth, and works in it too.
| Super Starrz chapter 1 . 9/4/2001
Okay, um, that was weird. No offense but your story kinda stinks, maybe you should work on writing and let some friends pre-read it before you post it on places like this. Just a thought...
| randomglitter chapter 1 . 7/21/2001
Ah, Sonar. We all remember Sonar, right? She...he...was...um...Okay, I'm just confused. You need to work on characterization a bit, Father Mulcahy would never say he was madly in love with a woman. I guess your characterization of Sonar is on...because I have no idea who she is.
| JenniferLupin chapter 1 . 7/12/2001
I love how everyone speaks with exclamaion marks! It must be very exciting at the camp! Sonar!
| AgentLily chapter 1 . 7/8/2001
I just have to ask: who is sonar? Do you mean radar? The guy with the teddy bear and the missing fingers?