Reviews for From the Desk of Dantalion
pringle.sam chapter 1 . 7/27/2007
GAH! Sick freak!

The Dantalion guy, not you. But you made him. Sick freak by proxy...? Nah. Forgiven. For a while. Because of They Say It's Your Birthday.
bubblesquirt chapter 1 . 6/18/2007
Earth is nothing but one fucking Where’s Waldo without the Waldo. And I hate that four-eyed freak.

-This whole beginning part is creeping me out. Well done.

Further proof that humans are useless bags of skin and hair: the bloody buggers don’t even know what the appendix is for, and yet we’re the ones in hell. I ask you, how fair is that?

I will admit, daft or not, humans did get it right with Tupperware. I’ve never had a freezer-burned heart yet.

Come here. Watch out for the bloody salt, dammit!

See it? Right there, across the doorway. And the window. Don’t touch it, you idiot!

No, I don’t know why Sam’s hair is that long. Maybe he wants to look like a girl as well. Go all undercover mode and such.

-Hilarious.

Because I’m not making a pair of bloody earrings, you poncy dolt.

What?

Oh, it’s a joke. There was a program called the Hardy Boys a few decades ago. Based on a set of books, really. About two brothers who solved... oh, never mind.

-I am loving how you're writing this!

There they go, bumbling around Emily’s apartment as if they’ll actually find a trace of anything useful.

“Dean,” Sam calls in a hushed voice, “I found something.”

The what now?

“I don’t know. According to the forensic report, surgical tools were used. What kind of demon uses a scalpel?”

A brilliant one, thank you very much.

“One that’s bodynapped someone, that’s who.”

Oh. Bodynapped. That’s a good one. Write that down.

Why don’t you throw Dean into the nearest wall. He seems to like that. Nice one. Good distance, nice height. Impressive. Sam goes boneless and I let him fall to the ground. Then I cross the room to Dean and give him a nice hard kick to the head. I so enjoy kicking a man when he’s down.

I’m perched (quite gracefully I might add) on the edge of the tub when Sam awakes. His eyes do a cute little roll around and then he focuses on my face. I waggle my fingers cheerfully.

And wouldn’t you know it, the bathroom door bursts in like we’re all trapped in a cheap B movie. Dean stands there, how dare you, and don’t you touch my brother and look how hot I am.

-I'm up late, reading while my boyfriend's asleep, and I had to try SO hard not to laugh at this! Awesome.

Ok, so I forgot that this was a death!fic, so when I read that the demon ripped out Dean's heart, I was all, what now? This was crazy good. Seriously.
Diva0789 chapter 1 . 3/19/2007
omg that was friggin hilarious! i couldnt stop laughing! hahahahahaha! still cant!...that was so bloody good! i tihnk ima read it again!
friendly chapter 1 . 2/5/2007
very funny... great job...
bayre chapter 1 . 2/5/2007
I made the mistake of eating my dinner while reading this and nearly, literally died from laughter.

Good one!
JazzyIrish chapter 1 . 2/5/2007
This fic is absolutely hilarious (ahem...except when my dear Dean finds himself without a heart, but then he is a dumb rock). Oh My Boss Down Below, I have never laughed so hard. Very creative, fabulous descriptions of the Winchesters from the demon's perspective - Sam's girly emotions/hair, Dean's lack of emotional depth, John's moaning over paper cuts... just too much. And that bathroom/cheap B movie scene is beyond hilarious. And tupperware (don't think that they'll want to steal that idea for advertising). Thanks so much for a hell of a laugh!
Red Hardy chapter 1 . 2/5/2007
OH-MY-GOD! That is the funniest thing I've read in I can't remember how long! :D :D :D Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing it! I swear I could kiss your feet! ;) Can you tell I'm just a tad bit bored with all the angst and drama around here lately?

Now, how did I love this story, let me count the ways...

"I also have to assign the different department heads their respective tasks. For instance, Chaos is head of Research and Development. Invented something called spam e-mail a few years back and the department’s tripled in size. It’s not always about killing and maiming, although that is great fun—causing the stupid meat-suits mental pain and anguish is always good for a laugh. Not to mention wasting their server space."

-ROTFL! Yes, I'm certain spam e-mail WAS invented by a demon! :p

"Mostly, he spends a lot of time on the phone with clients like Celine Dion and Britney Spears. If he takes on one more sodding boy band I’m going to have to call him into my office for a sit down."

-LOL! Yes, please do! Those boy bands could drive anyone mad!

"Actually, my task is already half done. Azazel made a deal with Johnny Winchester a few months ago. The old sure, I’ll save your son if you come along with me nice and quiet like gambit. Worked like a charm. He not only got Johnny’s soul, but that pesky gun as well—Azazel got himself a nice fat bonus out of that one, I can tell you.

Now we’ve got John opening letters in the dead-letter office downstairs. You wouldn’t believe the way he bitches about paper cuts. Stoic, my flaming ass. Some of the office girls are all atwitter that he’s good-looking in a manly-man sort of way, but I just don’t see it. He’s human. Two legs, two arms, one mostly empty head. A lot of skin that tastes more or less like chicken. Where’s the appeal in that, I ask you? They all look alike. Earth is nothing but one fucking Where’s Waldo without the Waldo. And I hate that four-eyed freak."

-ACK! Poor John! LOL! Can't thing of a worse way to spend eternity for a legend of a hunter like John Winchester!

"I’ve collected a few of the items so far. Got the brain tucked nicely in the freezer along with a heart. I will admit, daft or not, humans did get it right with Tupperware. I’ve never had a freezer-burned heart yet."

-Laughed so hard at that I almost spewed Diet Pepsi everywhere - and I'm at work! :o

"The unfathomably tall one is Sam, the shorter one is Dean. Sky tells me Sam is considered the emotional one. That means he cries like a tiny girl at the drop of a hat. And Dean is what’s called hardcore. Which really means he has the emotional depth of a puddle and he’s dumb as a rock."

-To funny! :D

"Sky even asked for a souvenir. She’s got the body of a leviathan and six heads full of brains, yet she still thinks Sam and Dean are cute."

-She's got good taste, even for a demon! :)

"There they go, bumbling around Emily’s apartment as if they’ll actually find a trace of anything useful.

“Dean,” Sam calls in a hushed voice, “I found something.”

The what now?

“What?”

“Looks and smells like sulphur.”

Oops. My bad."

-I am just laughing my little head off! Have I mentioned I love this story?

"The good doctor’s hands latch around Sam’s neck and give a nice little squeeze. Why don’t you throw Dean into the nearest wall. He seems to like that. Nice one. Good distance, nice height. Impressive. Sam goes boneless and I let him fall to the ground. Then I cross the room to Dean and give him a nice hard kick to the head. I so enjoy kicking a man when he’s down."

-OPS! There went the Diet Pepsi! You owe me a new keyboard but it was so well worth the laugh! "Good distance, good height." :D :D :D :D

Well I'd have to quote the entire section from when Sam wakes up in the bathtub to the hospital gift shop so just suffice it to say I read it - several times! - and laughed myself silly!

"When we get back to the home office a few days later, Sky is thrilled. Her desk is decorated with all kinds of tiny hearts and kitties. Dean’s heart looks nice with the others. She offers me a kitten but I’m not feeling very peckish, so I decline.

I head to my office and drop into my chair, hooves up on my desk. All in all, not a bad little trip.

Two Winchesters down, one to go.

Death is good.

-end-"

-BRAVO! BRAVO! STANDING OVATION! :) What an absolutely brilliantly conceived and written little story! I LOVE IT! I will be re-reading many, many times - and laughing even harder each time.

THANK YOU! (And mucho thanks to Phoenix for the recommendation and the link! She knows how much I love my humor! :) )
Ciya chapter 1 . 2/5/2007
Freakin' hilarious - even though Dean does die.
feralpixc chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
Did I mention hilarious and brilliant and I loved it? No? Well now I have. Omg, its so funny - besides the fact that Deanikins died. So uncool. But fitting. I can almost see Sam blubbering like a big baby in the tub... he is naked, right?

Dean should have been too. It could only have made the whole thing better - if that's even possible! I am officially adding it to my fave list. AND THANK YOU FOR THIS, AGAIN.
Phx chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
LOL - OMG! That was funny. I can't help it but I kept hearing this snobby kinda gay demon voice in my head doing the narrating!

Very funny - and I hate deathfics but this one is too funny!

Phx
carocali chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
Oh my freaking God! That is one of the funniest things I've ever read! What a brilliant little dip into Hell!

I love how snarky the demon is, and how he is so coy with his 'mission' of getting organs. How delicious! Deathfic aside, this is just fantastic! I almost forgot this would end with one of them dying. And the 'Gifted Children' project of Azazel - Wow! I SO love this! Wonderful job!

:D

Caroline
bally2cute chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
Loved Dantalion, he reminded me a bit of Dean. Dean's well...but I don't feel bad about it so you did a great job with that. I loved the descriptions of the other demons. I especially loved how the Great Duke saw and what he thought of each Winchester. Great, great story!
Poaetpainter chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
LMFAO!

"But first things first. I have a lung to wrap in aluminium foil."
Shadowfax220 chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
Saddly that was totally hilarious! This has to be the best death fiction I've ever read! Awesome Job!