|Reviews for The Lie I've Lived|
| Axrael chapter 1 . 4h
I hope one day you make a sequel of this fanfic. It's awesome.
| ReconstructWriter chapter 24 . 12/6
Love the premises of Harry getting a boost of memories and power from his father instead of Tom, and you write it so well! I also find this slightly more compassionate Harry Potter—he’s giving the Death Eaters a safe place to flee—an interesting subversion of the ‘sliding into darkness’ Harry Potter.
Your writing has much improved. I could tell that between the difference from the beginning of ‘Coming Darkness’ to its end but this is solid writing and a joy to read—well the sexist comments can be like a hint of bitter aftertaste in a sweet dessert.
Your duels and fight scenes are clearly your greatest strengths: very engaging and fun to read. The only thing I could comment on was in the Olympe vs HJ duel he didn't break out more powerful or lethal spells or nastier tactics than he had in the tournament duels—which, given that his opponent is a half-giant and would be better able to take such tactics, seems a little weird.
Otherwise, your fighting scenes are gripping as usual.
Now onto the characterization:
HJ is a good mix of Harry and James. You fleshed out several other characters, including Fleur and Amiee, though the latter seems to have been subjected to an unlucky potion soon after starting this tournament.
Lily is also more a person and less a reincarnation of Mary. Penelope is a more rounded character, though I’m surprised she wanted to visit her Death Eater father—unless she wanted to break his face. Wouldn't a muggleborn feel a little dirty to find out their father was a death eater? Many children who find out their father is a rapist sure do and, as a loyal death eater he almost certainly raped Mrs. Clearwater. Hermione is well done and reasonably mature enough for it to be realistic that she and HJ are still friends as opposed to very kid sister.
The character-bashing on the other hand—I know you can do better than this. Bill being nasty just because you need an excuse for Fleur to reject him? Fred and George aren’t this nasty to Umbridge and she tortured their friends and family. Angelina is a far cry from the young woman in the books who said, “Oh if it couldn’t be me at least it was a Gryffindor.”
In Coming Darkness you made Dumbledore somewhat of an opponent without bashing him or making him evil. You certainly don’t bash Snape, though he deserves it so much more. I know you can create conflict without twisting characters to be more evil than they are in canon. Sometimes the best conflict comes not from good vs evil, but from two different types of good facing off against each other. Krum doesn’t have to be an asshole to pit Harry against Durmstrang—he already is because of the tournament and because of its headmaster.
That was well-done by the way, all the way up to the assassination of Dumbledore. Ouch!
Overall the battle scenes are amazing, the writing is much more fluid and enjoyable to read and Harry’s characterization is incredible and funny. You could lighten up on the bashing and some of the OoC but otherwise it’s an amazing story with loads of subversions on the normal 'Harry gains more memories and power' stories.
Thanks for writing and posting,
| Maxennce chapter 24 . 12/4
Awesome story, absolutely awesome. This HJ is definitely doing it for me!
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/1
Amazing new story alert!
There is a new harry fleur story that is promising it's called The Half-blood romantic.. there are only 6 chapters so far and some 67k words..
Give it a try maybe you will like it and leave a revew it might motivate the author to get the next chapter out faster :)
| Darkfire99 chapter 24 . 11/28
I LOVE this story. There is no other way to put it if you do a sequel I will read it and if this story is the benchmark then I will enjoy every second of it.
| pg chapter 7 . 11/20
Total piece of garbage..main character,don't know if its hp or jp, is all bark and no bite..total pushover..all he does is get angry and then nothing...taking crap from weasleys without fight
| DarkSorcerer888 chapter 17 . 11/20
For The Rolling Stones, I'd go with Sympathy for the Devil.
| Fainfan chapter 21 . 11/20
Damn this some good shyt
| brennan.mholmich chapter 5 . 11/16
Good to see yet another story where Harry(with James in control) is still a bitch who lets anyone walk all over him. Glad to see nothing has changed on this site. 'Lets just sell off the Potter land, Harry is such a bitch, he'll never do anything about it.' This is a James that knows his son was abused his entire life, and you've written him out to let them get away with it. Awful. I can't believe anyone actually likes this garbage.
| soggy noodle chapter 24 . 11/14
This piece was phenomenally well written; the character development, the humor, the suspense.
Despite the risk of sounding sycophantic, I will admit to loving every bit of it.
It has been more than a year since the end of this first book. I realize you have your own life to live, your own goals to achieve and your own order to them but I do hope that one of them is to get that sequel written.
Thanks again for the adventure!
| Ppsh chapter 24 . 10/25
So few days later and I finished reading... looking back on what I said before, what I said was true at the time, but the story did get better overall. Harry finally grew some balls at least. He still comes across as way too indifferent to everything - there's no real emotion out of him throughout the whole story. There's a teensy bit of anger when Dumbledore dies and in the final battle, but that's about it. Likewise his relationship with Fleur continues to feel distant and nebulous, like something being witnessed from a distance.
Speaking of the relationships, I found them odd all throughout. First there's Penny and Olly - a relationship begotten out of a one night stand, wherein Penny decided not to spread her legs for Harry and instead do so for Olliver just because he walked in with no shirt on at the right moment (which, somehow, blossomed into a functional relationship). Then there's Fleur, who you constantly refer to all her previous boyfriends and past lovers - just how many damn men have between those french thighs, exactly? She's 17! It wouldn't be at all odd for her to be a virgin considering her talents at social interaction (namely, being a cunt to everyone she meets). Instead, she's apparently had half the men of France between her legs! Like everyone else she comes across as too-mature and not-her-age and honestly just weird with the overt sexual experience. Then there's Hermione and Roger Davies, who we really never get any details on and yet still comes across as disturbing - he is seventeen, head boy and about to graduate, and Hermione is a 14 year old barely into puberty. I'm sure worse has happened, but it's still definitively strange. Oh, and lest we forget Lily Potter, who you also made a cheating ho.
Since I dived into criticisms again, I should say something nice. Well, the fight scenes were quite decent. In particular the final battle - although it does leave a lot unresolved. Dumbledore's death felt very unfair, but realistic and troubling. Harry finally came across as powerful rather than just tricky, as he was in the duels. And the ending with Fawkes and the threats made to Death Eaters was very well done. Overall, I enjoyed reading the story but it leaves a lot to be desired.
| Ppsh chapter 12 . 10/21
Well, I guess Harry's actions in this chapter redeemed some of the complaints I had earlier. He finally did something about the twins, and he finally actually won a fight without some bullshit excuse coming in the way. Although his victory over Krum was pretty pathetic to be honest. And I still can't help but feel like everything he does is just totally disconnected and apathetic. We didn't even see the twins reaction to that whole tower incident - it's just a sidenote with no feeling. Harry then compliments Krum after the fight, for god knows what reason, like he has no feelings and has completely forgotten about their enmity. Just like he has zero irritation towards Fleur even though she has been a contempuous cunt for most of the story, though she is now magically turning around her attitude. Apparently having a sob story is sufficient excuse to be a perma cunt to everyone you meet.
The Hat is the only character I really like. I still can't figure out why HJ thinks he's an old soul either. He acts like a 60 year old reincarnated, even though his father was 21 when he died.
| Ppsh chapter 11 . 10/21
So... I rest my case as to what I said in my review for last chapter. Here we have, yet again, Harry almost - sorry, *actually* winning - only to lose anyway, and on a technicality that doesn't even make sense. What part of being sabotaged by an outside influence equates to 'cheating'? Surely cheating is doing something to gain an undue advantage. Not being restricted and almost losing due to an enemy interfering in your fight. Ah, but I guess logic doesn't matter when you're the author and you are (were, I guess, since this is so old), determined to shove a red hot poker up Harry's arse in every situation. The thing I can't work out is what is it that you despise so much about having a MC who actually succeeds at anything? I've seen this so many times now in fiction and I can never really work it out. Presumably, at some point in the story, Harry stops getting fucked for zero reason, or maybe he even develops the balls to actually respond to said fucking, but I don't know if I can be bothered getting there. I wonder if he will be as much of a gutless pussy when it comes to Krum or not. If not, then it would be the first time. He isn't even mad at Fleur, even though she has been consistently rotten to him in their every interaction. This was what I was talking about in my last review, Harry just doesn't act like a real person.
| Ppsh chapter 10 . 10/21
This is a well written story, but I find myself increasingly irritated the more I read of it. I was trying to put my finger on exactly why, and I think it is just down to Harry's attitude. In essence, he is far too 'mature'. But that maturity really manifests itself as indifference, and rather than coming across as truly mature it comes across as weak.
Example; he tried to seduce Penelope. Gets cucked, then laughed at by both of them. Response? Forgives them instantly. Then he flirts with Katie Bell, but that spirals into a disaster that pisses off pretty much everyone who was at his birthday party; the twins, Katie, Angelica, Ginny, Ron. All of them hate him after that, and they even get his house to ostracize him.
Harry's response? He shrugs his shoulders and brags about how he will surely do something about it and how good it will be. What does he actually do in response to being pranked by the twins for weeks? Absolutely nothing. What does he do to Olly & Penny? Nothing. To Angelica? Glares at her. Yes, very 'mature', and very annoying to read. He strikes me as either completely gutless or just totally apathetic to everything, and neither is interesting. It is not even believable either, as this is James Potter who is influencing him, and so if anything he ought to be less mature.
Asides from that, there's this running narrative that I find very familiar - I have seen it in many stories and generally term it as a 'masochist story', though it could be called author sadism. Stories in which the author constantly shits on the protagonist the whole way through, almost going out of their way to ensure that nothing the MC ever does works out right. This story feels very much like one of those. Take this first racing task as a good example - it looked like he was going to win. Teasing it, right up until he fails utterly and is humiliated again. Just like with Penelope. And every time someone takes a shit in Harry's mouth, he just swallows it down with barely a complaint, let alone retaliation.
| Ppsh chapter 5 . 10/21
Damn, that shit with Olly and Penny made me hate both of them. What a pair of douchebags!