Reviews for The Lie I've Lived
animeflunky chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
hehe this seems pretty cool did some of harry minds die and some of james's mind fuse with his making him a lot harry/james combination dude? either way i cant wait to see what happens in the tourney
SushiZ chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Great job, hopefully you'll update soon.
japanese-jew chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
For future chapters, definitely proofread, possibly by reading it out loud. I noticed when you wrote "Absently, I stuck my wand in my mouth and mutter, “integrum restituere.”" which would have been quite easily picked up with 15 minutes of effort. You're on your own now, Mr. Jbern!
nuck chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
good start, hope you can keep it up
mountainwizard chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Im not sure I approve of your taking more time away from bungle, but these seems to be a good start to a good story as well. I will approve for the time being. Good start!
Bizzle007 chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Good Start so far. I don't usually read first person, but this sounds like it has potential. I don't know enough yet to judge it, though.
Jeff chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
This is great as usual, but don't let it interfere with Bungle. Ok?
PiotrMc chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
it is slightly confusing and choppy but over all not bad i will read the next chapter
Nukular Winter chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Hi Jim-

I think this is a good start, with the potential to be great.

It's going to be very strange to have to wait to read your stuff until everybody else does, I think. Anyway, IMO the only noticeable difference between this and your beta'd work is a couple of structural mistakes that slipped through - in future chapters you need to watch for verb-tense mismatches. Stuff like this:

"In the morning’s light, the so-called ‘golden trio’ LOOKED a bit tarnished. Ron HOBBLED along with a cane. Hermione actually HAS to spend about..." (The "has" should be "had" to match the past-tense of the other verbs)

Anyway, other than that the chapter was solid, and you even managed to make Quidditch *practice* interesting - no mean feat.

Keep it up and I think you won't have anything to worry about from You-Know-Who. ;)

Tsurai Shi chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Wow, this is one of the most original and inventive stories I've read in a long time! I look forawrd to seeing more of it soon! :D
Alex Trusk chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Excellent start. Much more impressive then anything Merril or Vash have dropped. I'm looking forward to reading more.
Idhren chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Dear jbern-

I don't how you do it. I know of very few authors who can write more than one good fic at once, let alone update as frequently as you do...

So far, this is quite the lovely plot bunny; it rather reminds me of that fetching rabbit from Monty Python. Nice contrast between the first person 'voice'you use here and that of 'Bungle in the Jungle'-there's a simular love of understated humor ('You might how to speak up if you want to ask me' made me smile), but there isn't the cynical bite here that the other Harry has.

I also like how Harry (or should I call him Hames? Jarry?) mentions his nightmares without going into full detail, leaving the lot of us in suspense. Besides the obvious bits of the merger, the odd comment here and there (the reference to looking like an Animagus is not one that Harry would of made before) hint very nicely as to where the story's headed.

Can't wait to see what you do next with this!
Merlin8719 chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
Can't wait for the next update. This is a great story so far. Keep up the great work.
jetrois chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
good job keep it comin u da man
Zephyrical chapter 1 . 2/9/2007

You have a very good plot device and mover, but you really need to attach it to an actual plot. Unless of course the plot is Harry struggling with this other half of himself.

If not, you really do need to attach it to a grand plot.

As for the grammar? It was decent and I really didn't notice anything. I'm not the king of Grammar though.

The first person I thought was done well. It could use a bit of touching up. I believe the problem is you need to appear more "grand" of sorts in presenting the first person tense. Basically make it quite flamboyant compared to almost lackluster feel it has.

By the way, I would call this chapter a prologue and not a chapter. Since a chapter usually introduces you to plot whereas a prologue gives you the knowledge needed to understand the plot.

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